The Difference Between You and Me
by KrustyKruton
Summary: Eren has always been a titan, but he evolved and can now turn into a human. With a dream to stand side by side with humans and the sudden opportunity of a short human showing up at his home, what will he do? Will he surrender to his titan instincts, or will he follow his human heart? (This is a total AU...kinda. Its also boy x boy, Levi x Eren, so be warned. Don't flame) R and R!
1. Monster

_**Hello, I just wanted to inform those who have issues with boy x boy that this probably isn't the fic for you. Feel free to read it but please don't complain about it afterwards. I'm trying to keep it as clean as possible but a friend of mine said that you could do wonders with well timed smut. I try not to listen to him. This story also has a lot of swearing because of our lovely Levi. Sorry! This story is pretty slow paced as well so please bear with it. This is my first SNK fic so I'm sorry if I get any of the characters personalities or names wrong. Feel free to correct any mistakes (in kind wording) but also remember that this fic is AU so the timelines are out of wack, along with the locations. Keep an open mind.**_

 _ **P.S. -A wonderful friend of mine, Black Star, kindly drew the cover for this fic so everyone should thank him and visit him on instagram. His Insta name is Walowaffles. Oh, and I don't own attack on titan.**_

 _ **Sincerely,**_

 _ **Kagenoshojo.**_

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From the shadows of a particularly tall tree I stood, a titan. Watching in awe as the little humans flew through the air as if they were born to do it. A quiet mewl of longing escaped my jaws as I imagined the freedom the little ones must feel as they swung from branch to branch. I longed to fly like they did, to be free from the harsh pull of the earth if only for a second.

This was another thing that separated them from me. Yes, I could look like them, but I could never truly be one of them. I was a titan after all. Their smell still intoxicated me, though I could ignore it to an extent. I regrow limbs when theirs never return, and there was the fact that I didn't need to eat like they did.

I thought back to the time when I first discovered I could become a human and how I visited a small human village, eating their food only for it to have the foulest of tastes and sit in my stomach, not going anywhere, forcing me to throw the food up or take the risk of getting sick. It was an unpleasant experience to say the least.

I guess there are limits to how human I can be. The looks are perfect, not unlike my titan form, but only a few of my internal workings were like that of a human.

Sending one last glance at the little figures as they cut down their last foe, I turned my back to them and slunk further into the forest, being extra careful not to make any noise. Making my way around the trees, I headed for the maze of underground passages I had discovered and used as a shelter at night when I was vulnerable. The tunnels were too small for titans but were perfect for my human form and was partially hidden by the undergrowth of the gargantuan forest.

Kneeling down, I pulled myself from my titan form and cheerfully skipped into the mouth of the cave, leaving my true form to steam and decompose on the mossy ground of the forest.

I always felt...a little wrong tearing myself from my own body, but it had its advantages and I was planning on using them to the fullest.

The tunnels were damp and dark to the point that I couldn't see my hand in front of me. It didn't bother me though. I knew every twist and turn of this maze and I smiled as I lightly used the soft pads of my fingers to brush the cool wall. I could always feel things better in this form. The rags leftover from my adventure to the human colony long ago hung off my frame. Torn ragged and infused with dirt, it only proved to be useful for a meager coverup for the outside addition to my body that humans insisted must be covered. It served to confuse me to no end as to why but I didn't mind because it allowed me to seem at least a little bit closer to those amazing little creatures.

A gentle slope of the ground indicated that I had arrived at my destination and a small smile lit up my face as I came around a corner.

Soft streams of light flooded into the cavern from a hole the size of a human head, in the tall rock ceiling. Light bounced off a small pool in a dip at the middle of the room and aided to spread the light around the space. On one side of the cave, I had placed all of the little human trinkets I found which covered the smooth stone. While the other side was bare with the exception of a pile of soft grass and my most treasured possessions.

A ripped cloak the color of the forest with a design of wings on the back, reverently draped over a protruding rock. The battered tools that the humans use to fly sitting almost patiently beside it.

I looked at them longingly, wishing I knew how to strap the metal to my sides or earning the right to wear the beautiful piece of cloth. You could tell just by looking at it. This cloak was worn by the brave, by those who deserve it. My gaze fell as I remembered.

I'm not one of those people. I am a titan. I have eaten humans.

I don't deserve to wear those wings.

These thoughts plagued me night and day. Refusing to let me don the cape and revel in the happiness and pride it would surely give me. Being even marginally closer to the amazingly, perhaps stupidly, brave humans who look their death in the eye and fight. The humans who wear these cloaks are different from the humans I've seen before. They do not scream in fear, they do not flee. I find myself wishing I was one of them. Flying through the forest beside them...but it is only a dream.

The light dims around me. Going from a warm orange to a cold silver. Exhaustion slowly sinks into my body at the loss of the sun, surrounding my thoughts with a thick blanket. My bare feet shuffle against the ground as I move towards the pile of soft grasses, hoping I get there before my legs collapse underneath me. I gently rested my head on the cool grass, watching the moons light reflect and bounce off the pond around the room with heavily lidded eyes.

Another day ends and here I am again. Alone, with only fleeting dreams as company.

Here I am, the monster.


	2. Levi

_**In this fic, titans do actually have to eat to survive. They get energy from the sun but it's not enough, so they need to eat raw meat like humans or animals, even other titans but humans smell really good and taste even better to them so most just go after humans and over eat. They only NEED to eat after three weeks to a month. When they eat for necessity and the meat is raw, they can actually take energy from it and keep it I'm their stomach to digest it. Oh, and Eren is pretty intelligent and has already learned some of the humans language from before.**_

 _ **Sincerely,**_

 _ **Kagenoshojo.**_

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The day had been uneventful. The storm, unexpected but not new. What was new, however, was the short human who sat under a tree not fifteen paces from the entrance to my cave. The human was safe, no titan entered my territory anymore, though it would have survived anyways. This human wore the cloak. Which means that this human fights.

Which also means I should be happy for choosing today to be the day I stay in human form.

The human was short in stature, even for my human form, and had short black hair ending in a perfect cut by its ears with the bottom shaved off. It leaned heavily against the trunk of the tree, letting its head fall backwards with its eyes closed. Its legs stretched out before it, covered in(what were they again? Boots? Yeah, boots) long boots and light colored pants. The cloak hung from its tiny, yet broad, shoulders and hid its upper body from view.

It was beautiful. The soft light of the afternoon sun glinting off its equipment and face, illuminating its features. Perhaps it is male? It looks soft, fragile in the way it rested on the grass. From my hiding place behind a thick tree I tilt my head to the side, observing the fascinating figure with a warm flush on my face. I shuffled my feet, wanting to get closer, and a twig snapped under my foot. Almost immediately the humans eyes snapped open and it was on its feet, scanning the surrounding area. Its hands grazed against its equipment, preparing for a fight.

What do I do now?

I don't want to leave. I want to stay and watch it, but if I do, it might attack me.

The human was moving now, stalking quietly closer to me and I realized that my decision didn't matter anymore because it would see me even if I did run away. Cautiously, I lifted my hand, slipping it into the sunny clearing in a gesture of surrender. The human froze.

"I..." My voice was grating and hurt with under use but I was determined to show that this human had no reason to be on guard.

"I won't...h-hurt..."

The human pulled their weapon.

"Show yourself. Who are you?"

I slowly crept into the clearing, thinking about how to answer the question. Did it want to know if I am human? What did it mean?

"I...human." I reply, slightly confused. Its face crumpled in displeasure and it slammed me against a tree.

"That's obvious, brat." It growled. "Who are you? What's your name? Why are you here?"

I crinkled my nose in confusion. Name? "...name?" It huffs and nods. I stay silent, still not sure what a name is. The human growled, practically spitting when it explained.

"A name you little shit. What you call yourself. What others call you. Are you fucking retarded?"

I stare at it blankly. I didn't understand some of the things it said but I'm sure I know what it was asking. Now that I think about it, the other humans had asked about a name too. "No name. Live...I li-live...here." It brings its weapon closer to me, its face frozen in a look of disbelief and boredom.

"No name? How convenient. And you can't possibly live here. Do you think I'm an idiot? This is titan territory. People don't live here because they'll be eaten. No human lives outside of the walls. Now answer my fucking questions properly, you shitty brat."

The soft, fragile little human that I had seen but moments ago had completely disappeared, being replaced by this near terrifying being. Its face seemed to create shadows of its own and it seemed to loom over me even though I am taller.

It was still glaring.

What was that word again?

I think it had a -th in it.

Ruth? ...no

Gat...no

T? Maybe a T. Tuth? Tr-truth?

Yeah, truth.

"Truth" I said firmly, hoping the scary human would believe me. The human gave me a look of disbelief. "Truth." It repeated. I nodded.

"So let me get this strait." It sighed. "You live here, outside of the walls, with, from what I can see, no weapons and no name. You also can't talk for shit and, by some amazing as fuck miracle, you haven't died yet." It released me from its grasp and I blew out a sigh of relief.

"If you're so fucking certain that you live in this shitty place, then I invite you to show me where exactly it is that you live. Go on, show me."

"Huh?"

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That was how I ended up showing the scary human (It's male, I know it's a male) my cave. Through the tunnels, he tripped and stumbled a few times, exclaiming loudly with words I did not know as he did. When we entered the wide space of the cave, his eyes seemed to widen. I showed him around and watched his reactions. It had been a while since I had been around any humans. His reactions, though mostly negative, were a refreshing change from the eerie smiles of the other titans.

When he caught sight of the cloak and equipment, he whipped around to face me and demanded an explanation from me. I didn't really understand but I tried to tell him that I had scavenged it from a dead human a while back but didn't wear it. I think he understood but I didn't know for sure. He didn't speak much.

After a thorough (so very thorough) examination, the human left. He said nothing, made no sound, only the soft hiss of his equipment as he soared away could be heard. Finally, he was gone.

I returned to my cave and my soft grass bed. Laying down, I observed the way the lights shattered reflections danced upon the walls. Something was different. The atmosphere wasn't as warm as it usually was. The light seemed too cold as day melted into night.

This must be, what was it again? Oh yes. I remember.

Loneliness.

It had never been so strong.

I knew it was because the human had been here. I hoped that he would come again.

Then again, why would he? There's no reason to.

I sighed.

Tomorrow will be just like all the others. I'll watch, I'll hide, I'll hunt and I'll collect.

Alone

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I opened my heavy eyelids, blinking a few times to clear my vision. It was morning, and from the strength of the sun, it had been for a while.

I slowly got up, the stone cold against my feet. I stumbled my way out of the cave, my throat clenching and dry. It's been a while since I ate something. Though titans can go long periods without food, they still need a little more sustenance than light. Meat is what makes up our diet. Any kind, as long as it's raw.

Which one should it be today? Titan, or animal?

Hmmmm

Titan sounded good.

Before I could change to start my hunt, a voice interrupted my thoughts.

"I see you're finally up, brat."

I froze and sniffed the air. Human.

I turned. Scary human.

Why is he here?

"Human...here?" I questioned. He quirked a thin brow. "Because you look like the stupid type. Not to mention that I am curious how a little fucker like you could survive out here."

A small shard of worry suddenly stabbed at me. He wanted to know how I survive? But I'm able to because I'm a titan. What if he finds out? He'll kill me.

The human stepped closer but immediately to three back.

"Ugh!" He choked. "Why do you smell like you just jumped from a hoses ass?! Have you even washed yourself? Ever?! Never mind about seeing how you survived. What I want to see is you in some fucking water and getting clean! Oh Maria!"

His hand latched on to the cloth hanging from my body and, though I struggled, he pulled me back into the cave a dumped me in front of the small pond.

"Clothes." He called, eyeing me sternly. "Off."

The cloth?

But the other humans said that you never took the cloth off with another unless you love them. Does the human love me?

Wait...what's love?

"Hurry the fuck up." He growled.

Throwing caution to the wind, I nearly ripped the cloth from my body in my haste to comply.

So there I stood, unashamedly showing off my body, waiting for what's next.

The human paused, stared, then looked away. "Disgusting." He mumbled. "In the water. Now." Was the given order and I nearly threw myself into the small pool, trying to follow his orders as quickly as possible. The water was cool and lapped at my neck as ripples formed. It was deep enough for my shoulders to be partially covered and pretty wide. I turned to face him again, waiting for more instructions.

I stared at him.

He stared back.

I stared at him.

He stared ba-"Fucking wash yourself you halfwit."

I tilted my head. Wash?

He sighed. "Scrub your body. You don't have anything to fucking clean yourself with so its the best we're gonna get. You do know what scrub means, right?" Seeing my confused look, he sighed again and grumbled something before bringing his arms up in demonstration. I watched him quickly rub his hands over his arms and motion for me to do the same. Cautiously, I copied his motions, looking at him for confirmation and smiling when I got an encouraging nod in return.

I splashed around a little while longer, until the human called out to me and I returned to dry land once again. I stood, dripping on the stone, as I got yelled at by the human about some silly reason like not having something to use to dry off. He cuffed the back of my head, jolting me into tripping and falling.

The human tch-ed at my clumsiness but offered a hand anyways. I looked at the proffered hand and smiled.

'This human is fun.' I thought as I took his hand, small huffs of laughter escaping me.

'I could get used to this.'


	3. Expeditions and History

_**Eren has his titan hair in this fic and Levi isn't captain yet. Just so you know. Levi is also around 24 and since titans age differently, Eren is of a similar age. Maybe even older. Its unknown exactly oow old because eren never counted the years or knew what years were.**_

 _ **Sincerely,**_

 _ **Kagenoshojo.**_

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Get used to it I did.

Everyday he would be waiting for me outside and would send me back in, with a towel he had brought, if I hadn't washed myself. We spent the days exploring the forest (my territory. It wouldn't do to run into another titan.) with him teaching and explaining things to me. He taught me that the words he likes to say a lot, the ones I don't understand, are called swear words.

His eyes seemed to laugh when I had begged him to teach them to me.

He taught me something called manners and how to make fires, skin animals and which plants could be eaten. He nearly kicked my teeth in the first time he saw me tackle a dear, kill it and tear it apart with my jaws. He said something about raw meat being bad for people. So, he took to cooking everything (much to my displeasure) and swatting at me whenever I tried to sneak a piece of raw meat. This lead to very uncomfortable moments after he left where I would shove my fingers down my throat and cough up the very unappetizing meals of that day.

I could talk better now. We have conversations from time to time and, even though most of his replies are various grunts, I feel like I'm getting to know who this little human is. He's rude but can be very gentle. He's strong but I see glimpses of something fragile underneath. His features show only displeasure but there is kindness in his gestures. The human is wonderful. Just like I dreamed that they would be. Just like that small village of humans. Kind.

It was nearing the end of the day. I sat by the fire that I lit, all by myself, and let my mind wander as I stared into the flames. The human sat beside me on a fairly clean rock, legs elegantly folded underneath himself and a barely perceptible frown on his face.

"I'm going on an expedition." He said softly, almost unwilling to break the peace and quiet of the moment. He turned to look at me, frown deepening. "Tomorrow."

Expedition? What does that mean?

He sighed, shaking his head.

"Your thoughts show on your face, shitty brat. Going on expedition means that I'm going to leave the safe zone to explore the surrounding area, to find new places where we can camp or set up another headquarters and secure the place. It means that a whole bunch of idiots, my squad and I will go riding around with no real purpose other than to look at fucking trees, rocks and more trees while risking our lives fighting shitty titans."

I stare at him. Might not come back?

"Does that mean you're going to die? Not come back?" He nodded. I quickly pushed myself to my knees and shuffled towards him, eyes wide. "Then don't go! Don't leave! You can stay here if you want. Its always fun when you're here." He didn't react to my outburst, as if he was expecting it. He lightly shoved at my chest but knew that there was no way I would calm down after this revelation.

"I'm a soldier, brat. Its my job to do this. I have to follow the orders from the higher ups. I can't just choose to stay behind." His face was impassive as he spoke. No emotion on it at all. It was scaring me. "But-"

"No." He growled, cutting me off before I could start. "I'm going and that is final. I just thought that you should know just in case I don't cone back, because I've got a crappy feeling that you'll wait for me for so long that you'll die from exhaustion or some other weak ass thing."

That was true, I probably would.

"I also...was thinking about giving you a name."

The awkwardness he felt saying that sentence practically radiated off of him and hit me full on. "W-why would I...need a name?" I spluttered, stumbling over my tongue. "So that when another person finds you and asks you who you are, you can answer with a real fucking name instead of seeming more suspicious when you answer with 'no name'. And I'm not going to keep calling you shitty brat or ass wipe. I need some diversity or the derogatory names aren't as effective."

What?

"So what do you want? Rick?"

No

"Neji?"

No

"...Bob?"

 **No**

"Natsu? Tanaka? Kyou?! FUCKING CHOOSE!"

...

He sighed. "Eren?"

My eyes lit up and I smiled wide. This one felt right. He looked at me strangely and asked me if I really wanted this 'boring ass name'. I nodded. "Eeeeeerrreeeeenn." It felt nice on my tongue and I really wanted to use it. I looked strait into the humans metal eyes and saw him grimace at what must be the goofy look on my face.

"Hello, my name is Eren."

He nodded at me with his eyes filled with laughter but then turned to look at the sun. "Its time for me to go. Take care, Eren. Don't die."

I watched him go, my worry growing with every step. Then it hit me.

"What's your name?"

He paused.

"I've got a name now, you must already have had one. What is it? Tell me so I know what to call out when I see you come back. It would ruin the moment if I yelled 'little human'." I could practically feel his eyebrow twitch at the 'little' comment. I had laughed so hard when I found out his extreme dislike for those type of words. He then, of course, kicked me until I writhed on the ground. "I might not come back kid." Was his mumbled reply. My gaze dropped but I forged ahead. "Humor me."

He started walking again and I couldn't stop the disappointed sigh from escaping.

"Its Levi."

I smiled as he disappeared in the trees.

"Levi, huh." It felt perfect.

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I open my eyes and gaze lazily at the soft light slipping through the hole in the ceiling. Its morning. I should wash so Levi doesn't get-wait.

 _Levi_.

Worry crept into my lazy daze and I knew immediately that my day was ruined.

I got up, grabbed the towel that Levi had given to me and shucked off my clothes so that I could slip into the water.

 _Levi_

I dried myself off and threw on a shirt and a pair of pants given to me by Levi (they were too small) and I glumly slumped out of the cave.

 _Levi_

The rock Levi usually occupied was empty and suddenly the sun didn't feel that warm anymore. I tried to stay positive. Maybe some swearing would help? I could turn into my true form now that there isn't a risk of Levi seeing me. Maybe I'll go titan hunting.

Yeah...kill some fucking titans.

Got to keep this place safe for humans so when Levi comes back, we won't have to worry about titans attacking. That would ruin the fun! Can't let that happen.

I bit my hand and I was immediately struck by lightning and shrouded in steam. My sight sharpened and I grew in height. My long hair stayed the same, brown and tangled but managing to look straight. I towered over the cave now and when I took a step, the ground shook. It had been a while since I had been in my true form. I was a little unsteady at first but in no time, I was running through the forest, sniffing the air to catch a scent.

First, food.

Then I'll patrol my territories boundaries. Maybe I should expand it a little bit. It would give Levi and I more room to do things. Yeah, maybe I should.

I can't wait till Levi comes back.

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Three suns have come and passed, and yet Levi still hasn't come. How long did he say the expedition would be? Wait, he didn't say. He just left. What if he was-no, that can't happen. Levi is strong. I should have asked where the expedition would be so I could follow them. Keep Levi safe. He's the only human I know anymore. All the others are dead, eaten by Her.

I can't stand the loneliness anymore. I've had a taste of Levi's unique company and I never want to let it go. His borderline rude comments. The way he takes the time to help me even though he doesn't have the patience for it.

Levi has to come back.

I had already expanded my territory on the first day so I kept myself busy by killing nearby titans, extra hunting and trying to make things out of the forest like Levi had taught me. The thing is, I don't need fires. Its not like I'm going to cook anything. I don't need spears or knives when my real body can do more than anything they can do. I don't need any of those things. They were all for Levi, and Levi thought they were for me because he thinks I'm human. I'm not.

But I wish I was.

I continued in a slow pace until I reached my border, eyes suspiciously scanning the surrounding trees. There were always one or two titans lurking around here. I sniffed at the air to confirm my suspicions. Two titans were here. The moment I saw them, I launched into a run, surprising the lumbering giants.

Just have to keep my territory safe for when Levi comes back. Because hell come back.

...Definitely...

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The day was almost over. The sun was already falling and I could feel my energy slowly slipping away. I stumbled to the cave and quickly pulled myself from my real body before nearly tripping over myself in my haste to get to my lovely soft gasses. Steam billowed into the sky, signaling that my body was disintegrating like it was supposed to. I threw myself into the tunnels, legs weakening with every step and threatening to collapse here and now but I really didn't feel like sleeping on the hard, uncomfortable rock so I pushed on forward. When I felt the slight incline of the ground I let loose a sigh of relief and hurried into the cavern. The light was almost gone now and I had no more energy to go any further. I collapsed on the ground just in front of the pool, my eyes fighting to stay open.

Maybe Levi will be here tomorrow?

Maybe I'll wake up, go outside and he'll be there, sitting on his rock like always.

Maybe...

Silver beams of light shot through the hole in the ceiling and I finally gave up the fight. My eyes closed, sleep slowly seeping in. So tire-

"EREN!"

My eyes snapped open at the voice. That was Levi. But Levi was never here during the night. He would always go back.

With effort, I rolled my head to look at the entrance and soon enough, there he was, in all his short glory. There was Levi. He looked a little out of breath but his face was impassive as ever, though his eyes held something different. Worry? Concern?

The moment Levi saw me his steps quickened. Once beside me, he knelt down and rolled me over, scanning my body, looking for something.

Why was he here?

"I saw titan steam by here."

Oh...

"I thought it was weird at first because I've never seen a titan around here before so I never took it into account that one might show up when I'm gone." His hands were gentle as they brushed my arms, chest and shoulders. He was rambling. Net a single swear word. "Are...are you ok?" His tone was soft, not like the usual Levi at all. I mumbled a tired yes to reassure him but couldn't really manage anything else. I was happy to see him, to know he was alright, but why? Why did he choose now to come?

"You remind me of my friends, my family, you know. We used to live in a place like this." His voice was almost a whisper and I probably wouldn't have heard it if it wasn't so quiet. He sounded like he was lost in his own thoughts. Unaware of what he was saying. "We were forced to join the survey corps, but we were good so I wasn't worried. They loved the outside and I was happy for them. But I got caught up in circumstances and revenge and left them on their own in the middle of an expedition. The titans got to them and I wasn't there in time to save them. It doesn't matter how much Erwin says that it was the titans who did it, it won't change the fact that I practically let them die!" He slammed his fist against the rock, face contorted with self hatred and loss. He seemed to realize he was getting out of hand and tried to calm down. When he started again, his voice was back to the soft tone he had began with. This time with a broken quality to it. "It wasn't Erwin's words that persuaded me to stay and fight. I stayed because I have nowhere else to go. I fight only as a tool, because I have nothing to live for except some idiotic brat who lives in a forest and didn't even have a name." I hummed, glad that Levi was still alive but shocked and worried over these recent revelations.

"That's probably why I'm so fucking calm around you. The first time I came here and met you was right after the expedition and I simply needed to get away. Then you showed up." He looked me in the eyes this time. "You showed up and you reminded me so much of them that I couldn't stay away. You, your innocence and your fucking bright eyes."

This was probably the longest I had ever been awake. Exhaustion pulled at my limbs and sleep at my mind but I resisted so that I could hear what comes next. This was the longest Levi had ever spoken and, not to mention, about himself. Before I hadn't even known his name. I knew that he fought with the other humans and that that's where he goes every night, to the place there the humans rest, but that was all.

"So when this expedition was done, I snuck out to come here, to show you that I was actually alive. I had a feeling you were being an annoying brat and worrying too much. But when I saw the steam I thought...and then I realized that I had left you, just like I did Farlan and Isabel. I had left you in the middle of titan territory with no means of protection and I did it without a second thought."

The silence that settled was heavy.

Here was Levi. Strong, wonderful, confident Levi. Here he was, showing his fears, his weaknesses and his self hatred over his part in the deaths of the people he considered family. He was worried I would end up like them, dead because of a decision he made.

I guess it's lucky for him that I'm harder to kill than he thinks.

"That's never going to happen." I said, looking up into eyes of liquid silver filled with pain. "I'm never going to leave you Levi. You do know that, don't you?" When Levi didn't respond I continued.

"Though I don't deserve you, you're my friend, my family now Levi. I literally have no one else. There were a few nice people before but they were all eaten by the female titan. You're all I have and I am so glad that I met you. You've taught me so much and if this is how you treated this Farlan and Isabel, I'm sure that they were happy too. I'm sure that they don't blame you." Sleep slurred my speach but it didn't matter. I had said what I wanted to say.

Levi's face crumpled, trying to control his emotions. I didn't even attempt to go for a hug. One, because he doesn't seem like the type to really hug people. Two, because I could barely move my arms.

Turns out that the hug wasn't needed.

Levi's face continued to morph into what could be grief as he slowly lower his head to rest on my stomach. His shoulders shook but he stayed quiet.

If my shirt was a little damp afterwords,

I didn't say anything.


	4. Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones But

_**Hope you enjoy! Please R and R!**_

 _ **Sincerely,**_

 _ **Kagenoshojo.**_

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A few months have passed since then and Levi still comes to see me most days. It took a while for me to get used to waking up to Levi aggressively cleaning the cave while barking at me to 'get your fucking ass moving or I'll kick it into gear myself'. Needles to say, I am now an expert at cleaning to Levi's standards.

I never knew rocks could sparkle so much.

Things are good with only the occasional downs, like when Levi cooks stuff and forces me to eat it or the times where Levi tries to convince me to go with him. Those arguments get pretty heated. He just can't understand why I always refuse with such force and I don't blame him. I'm trying to be as vague as possible when explaining myself. I can't exactly say that I don't think I'm worthy to be with humans because I'm a titan that, in the past, ate humans. I don't even feel right about staying with Levi but I just can't stand being away from him. Sometimes I hate myself.

Levi talks a lot more than he did before. Don't get me wrong, he's still quiet and broody but when he does talk, he talks for longer periods of time. He's told me all about the survey corps, this Erwin Smith (I don't like this man) and some Hanji person that Levi (apparently) doesn't like. He told me about the walls, Maria, Rose and Sina. He told me about how most people in the walls were stupid, greedy people and he warned me that if I ever become like that, he would kill me without hesitation.

He told me about where he grew up, how he lived and about Isabel and Farlan.

He goes on expeditions every now and then. I know that he'll come back every time but that doesn't stop me from worrying. He's taken to telling me right when he's leaving so that he doesn't have to hear my whining.

I don't whine.

I'm really liking this name thing though. Whenever I hear the way the R in my name roll off Levi's tongue, I shiver. His voice is beautifully deep. When he started teaching me how to read and write, I would barely pay attention to what the words coming out of his mouth meant and only paid attention to the way his voice rose and fell. The only reason I stopped doing that was because his kicks fucking hurt.

Heh, Levi would be proud of my use of swearing.

A sharp pain to the back of my head knocked me from my peaceful thoughts and shot my head forwards to smack against the hard rock wall of my cave.

"Stop slacking, you shithead!"

Ahhh, wonderful and sweet Levi.

"But whyyyyyyy~" I whined(damn it). "This place is the cleanest it's ever been! If we scrub it anymore with those shitty chemical things that you brought, the rock will disappear!"

Levi just tch-ed and threw another spare rock at my head. "Stop that!"

"I will when you get back to work, dipshit."

I pouted and grumbled under my breath but turned back to the rock and continued to scrub it clean with the cloth. My grumbling got louder and louder until I heard an annoyed huff from the other end of the room and I knew that I had got him. "FINE, you annoying little fuck! I'll finish up here, you go prepare your weapons. We're going hunting afterwards." I flashed him a brilliant smile, that he scoffed at, and quickly scuttled off to the hole in the wall where I kept all tools before he could change his mind.

It hasn't even been that long, but I can't imagine my life without him anymore. When I look back at what my life used to be like, it looks so lonely. Cold and sad. Why am I so attached to him? I was never like this with the other humans. Why him?

I puzzled over the thought as I pulled a crudely made spear and a small knife from the weapons hole. Levi probably doesn't feel the same way. I'm sure he's making friends in the survey corps...then again, maybe not. His personality tends to push people away than pull them in. He has that Hanji fellow though. Whoever they are, they seem like they can handle Levi enough to be his friend (though their titan obsession is slightly worrying from what I hear).

I trotted out of the tunnels and into the sun, smiling at the way it lit up the leaves and made the flowers glow. The day was just...perfect. The breeze was warm, the bird songs sweet. I couldn't imagine anything going wrong today. It would be a crime! (Levi taught me a new word^-^)

I plopped down and plucked at the grass, thinking about how Levi manages to get away from his duties in the survey corps to come here. Does he get in trouble for visiting me? What if he stayed the night and not the day. It would be easier. Titans wouldn't bother him on the way, no one would be looking for him, but no. I would be out when the sun goes down so we wouldn't be able to talk at all unless he wakes me up when the sun rises. Maybe I should try to stay awake longer at night. That way, if Levi does make a surprise visit like during 'the incident', I'll be able to move and talk to him longer.

Yeah, I should.

I'll start tonight.

I heard a string of curses float out of the tunnels and I immediately knew that Levi had probably tripped over a rock or something, again. I snickered quietly behind my hand, hoping that he didn't hear it. I wasn't sure why I was worried so much. Its not like he can hea-"Shut the fuck up, asswipe!"

"How did you even hear that!?"

"I know everything!"

...

I couldn't help the obnoxious laughter that followed. It was his fault anyways. When Levi emerged from the darkness of the tunnel, he had a slight twitch in his frown. The little human was trying to act displeased while trying to hide a smile. The little bastard.

"Hey, Levi?" He hummed in acknowledgment. How are you allowed to be here. Don't you have things to do?" Levi cocked an eyebrow and looked me over before taking on a mischievous glint in his eyes. "Are you trying to say that you don't want me here?" I stared at him, not really getting what he was saying. "Well, you could have just said so. So long Eren!" He called over his shoulder as he turned and began to walk away. Horror shot through me and before I knew it, I had launched myself accros the distance that separated us and latched onto his hand.

"No!" I nearly screeched. "Thats not what I meant! Please don't go..." Levi didn't seem to be listening to my attempts to make him understand. Instead, he seemed almost entranced by how my hand wrapped around his and the warmth that radiated from the point of contact. "I'm not going anywhere, idiot." He mumbled, gently squeezing my hand before letting it go. "I say that I'm going training by myself because everyone else is incompetent. I guess the little shits believe me. Its not even a complete lie either. Getting here is like two sessions of the usual training plan."

I bit my lip in a random bout of nervousness.

"So, you haven't told anyone about me?" I asked quietly. Levi scoffed. "Of course not!" When he saw my sad eyes and trembling lip he sighed in annoyance and continued. "If I did tell them, there are two possible ways that they will react. First, they'll think I'm batshit crazy for thinking there's a guy living in the woods and probably lock me up in some hospital or some shit. Second, they would come and force you to join the survey corps because you already seem pretty comfortable with being outside of the walls and aren't afraid of titans, which I think is the shittiest thing because you should be scared! Why aren't you? You fucking mother fucker! Argh!" He threw his hands into the air and turned away from me, probably to stop himself from throttling me.

"But I thought you wanted me to come with you?" I questioned. Why did Levi have to be so confusing?

I heard Levi sigh and run a hand through his perfectly strait black hair in a very un-Levi gesture. "I want you to be safe. In the walls where titans won't be able to get to you. If they take you and make you into a weapon like me...you won't ever be able to escape. You'll die as a tool for the puppet masters. For the fuckers who enjoy playing with peoples lives and emotions like they're pieces on a chess board. I never, ever want you to become like that. You're too pure."

This time it was my turn to sigh.

"Levi, the me of today, the one you think of as pure, is still pretty new. Don't forget that there is a large part of my life that you don't know about. I'm not as pure as you might think I am, Levi."

With shame, I shifted my gaze to the ground.

"You aren't the only one with dark shadows in their past."

The sun felt harsh on my skin. I couldn't feel the breeze anymore. The birds had stopped singing.

It seemed I was about today.

It could be ruined.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The day just kept on getting better. (Sarcasm. I now know why Levi likes to use it so much. Its so helpful)

We couldn't catch anything bigger that a rabbit which meant that I probably wasn't going to eat today because he would have noticed if a part of the scrawny animal was missing before he had even cooked it. Then the cooked food started to effect me in a very negative way. This was the first time I had ever thrown up in front of Levi and, though I could tell that he was concerned, he couldn't bring himself to come near me. Now, there was this.

"What does this mean?" I asked. My voice shaking as I did.

"It means that the scouting legions time outside has run out. We're returning to the Walls." Levi sat there, cold and emotionless, on the same rock that he had sat on when he told me about his first expedition. I had a sudden sense of déjà vu. "But...we-we'll still be able to see each other. Right?" When Levi didn't immediately respond, my voice took on a higher octave in my hysteria. "Right?!"

Levi seemed to fold in on himself for a second before he stubbornly straitened up again. When he spoke though, it was a whisper.

"We won't be returning to the outside headquarters for another..." He didn't seem to want to finish that sentence. I wanted him to though. I needed him to. "For another what, Levi?!" I snapped. At my tone, Levi seemed to bristle. "For another five fucking months!" He shot back.

I froze.

What?

"I'm going to be stuck in those stupid fucking walls and I'm not allowed to leave them because it would be a safety hazard or some shit! I won't be able to see you and," He chuckled, shaking his head a bit. "Maybe that won't be such a bad thing. That way, I won't have to listen to your whining all the time."

I couldn't move.

My limbs felt like they were frozen. My throat felt hot.

My eyes felt wet.

Suddenly, anger flooded my body. It unfroze my limbs and it persuaded me to stand up. I stood, staring down at Levi angrily as he seemed to realize that what he just said, in that context, had crossed some line that wasn't supposed to be crossed.

He looked up at me but didn't say anything. Something about me must have made him stop. Must have made his eyes widen in some emotion that I really didn't feel like deciphering right now.

"Maybe not being around you wouldn't be that bad either." I spat, quickly turning away and using my long legs to get to the tunnels as fast as possible.

I sat in the cave, on my grasses and continuesly swore at Levi who wasn't there. That was when I realized.

Felt wet?

My eyes have never felt wet before.

I reached up to my face. My cheeks were wet too. It seemed that water was coming out of my eyes. But why would my eyes do that? I licked the water off my fingers and found that it didn't taste like the water Levi usually gives me. It tasted gross.

I put my back against the wall and pressed my knees against my chest. The water wouldn't stop falling so I hid my face in my knees.

What had Levi done to me?


	5. Distance Can Make a Heart Grow Fonder

_**The moping! I can't handle the moping! I have almost no idea what I'm doing during this chapter. Please forgive meeeee!**_ _**This chapter is also pretty short. Sorry.**_

 _ **Sincerely,**_

 _ **Shado on'nanoko. (Kagenoshojo)**_

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I woke up the next day and sure enough, Levi wasn't there. There was no gag worthy scent of cleaning solutions. There was no hard kick in the side. There was no playful banter.

There was no Levi.

Throughout the day, I would flipflop between being unbearably mad at the short human and missing him so much that I couldn't move. I think back to what I said to him before he left and regret it. It doesn't matter what he said, it was our last evening together before he left for five months.

Five months!

What if he realizes that I annoy him too much and he decides not to come any more?

What if that was the last time I would get to see him, talk to him.

Ever.

I wouldn't be able to bear it.

I had said, earlier yesterday, that I couldn't imagine my life without him anymore. I wasn't lying.

It was the truth.

Truth.

Truth hurts sometimes.

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The pain of loss grew each day that passed by. It was almost the end of the first week and it was near unbearable. What made it worse is that he didn't die or anything. Its not something that I can't help. I could have persuaded him. I could have went with him if I really wanted to...but I didn't.

That's what made it worse.

I chose separation, and now all I want is Levi back. I want him to seem like he's mad at me but the way his eyes shine tell me that he's not. I want him to scold me and then gently show me how its properly done. I want him to obsess over whether I'm clean or not.

I want him to call me Eren.

The quiet that used to be my only friend in past days, before Levi, is suffocating. It follows me, crying out to be filled but I just can't bring myself to speak. My voice isn't needed when Levi isn't here.

All I do, day in and day out, is wander. I look around my territory, looking at the scenery that used to look so beautiful but now looks so bland. I didn't know loneliness could get like this. I didn't know that it would make everything so unimportant except for getting that person back. If I had know it would be like this, I wish I had never met Levi in the first place!

But no...

Nononono...

I remember now.

This is what the world always looked like. It was Levi who changed that. Levi made the world so beautiful. It's just reverted back to its original state because it doesn't have to show off for him anymore.

Without Levi, the world is an ugly place.

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By the time the end of the first month rolled around, I barely ever left the cave. I couldn't stand seeing the world anymore. All I had was Levi, and now he's gone. I know he'll come back.

Maybe.

Its just that this is the longest he's not been here.

When he comes back.

If, he comes back.

I'm going to make sure to apologize to him. I'm going to make him understand that I am so sorry and then beg him not to leave ever again.

I should start trying to stay up later. Just in case he comes at night. I don't want to be asleep for when he comes.

Alright. I'll just stay here, wait for night and then stay awake.

Stay awake, for Levi. To see Levi.

Stay awake.

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The second month passed in a haze.

I could stay awake for nearly half a night but it put a great strain on my body during the day. I could barely revert to my true form anymore and my human form is too weak to do much. This lead to not being able to leave the cave at all, which lead to me being unable to eat. As my hunger grew, so did my desperation for Levi to return. It was all I thought of.

What day is it?

How many months has it been?

How many more nights until he comes back?

The guilt of our parting words weighed heavy on my shoulders. Why did I have to say that?

No...stop.

There's no use in regretting it now. All I've got to do is wait. Just a little while longer. Just a few more months. That's it. Just a few more months.

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The third month was brutal.

My stomach felt like it had eaten its way from my body, my mind had wandered off somewhere and took its things and my body felt like solid stone. I didn't move. Couldn't move.

But my eyes kept leaking.

I could barely see through the bitter water and it pooled by my ear, making it wet and uncomfortable. My throat was scratchy and I couldn't feel my arms or legs. This is the longest I have ever gone without food and I have no idea what will happen to me. Maybe I'll get so hungry that I'll eat myself.

Maybe I'll get lucky and a squirrel or something will wander in here.

I hope.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I wasn't even conscious for the fourth and fifth months.

The hunger was overwhelming.

Hunger.

Food.

 **Humans**.

 _ **Levi**_.

{XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX}

"How many fucking times do I have to find you like this?!"

The low baritone was twinged with worry.

Something shook my shoulder, then gently rolled me onto my back. I sniffed the air and was immediately assaulted by the wonderful bouquet of a human. A fit human at that.

Mmmmn...tasty meat.

I let my nose guide me (my eyes had yet to unglue themselves from the 2 month sleep) towards the delicious scent and found it surprisingly close.

Foolish human.

Hunger powered my movements as I quickly lashed out and yanked a limb towards me, sniffing at the sweet sweet appendage before letting my tongue roll out of my mouth and run across the delectable ski- "What the fuck do you think you're doing Eren?"

My eyes, suddenly unglued, snapped open. There, kneeling right in front of me, was Levi. He was back! I'll definitely hug him and apologize.

Just after I eat.

I look down at what was going to be my meal and stared. The skin was white. The hand was small and rough. The arm attached to it seemed to lead to Levi's shoulder, and from there, to his stern, scolding face.

I dropped the hand like it had burned me and scuttled as fast as I could away from Levi. What was I thinking? This is Levi. A human! I don't eat humans anymore. What is wrong with me? Is it because I didn't eat? Fuck, why didn't eat?

Why?

"Eren?" I jolted. Levi was still too close, I could still smell him. Immediately I brought my hand to my nose in an attempt to stifle the scent. "Levi." I sighed happily. "Your back. I'm so happy. There were times that I though you wouldn't come back." Levi huffed and averted his gaze. "I was always going to come back you shitty brat. I was just...angry."

Well that was comforting.

"But what the fuck happened to you?" He growled, gesturing in my general direction. Looking down, I had to agree that I did look pretty bad. "I know that you were skinny before but this is ridiculous. Did you not eat at all? What the fuck have you been doing?"

The harsh tone and words, though I know that its being said because of worry, hurts. I've waited so long and finally Levi's back, but he's mad at me. Why can't I ever do anything right? The hunger gnaws at my stomach, begging me to have just one bite, yet my mind doesn't want to hurt him. I just want to be with Levi. I want to hold his hand again, like we did before he left. My eyes felt hot and I could feel the first few trickles of bitter water leak from them.

"I'm so sorry Levi. I'm sorry for what I said!" I whined, wishing that I could get closer to him without wanting to eat him. "I didn't mean it so please, please don't leave! I wouldn't be able to bear it. I haven't eaten in three months, I haven't left the cave for about the same time and now my body's too weak to do most anything. I couldn't stand the thought of you not coming back because of a stupid thing I said because I was angry." My voice stuttered out into ugly sobs and I brought my other hand up to cover my face.

Levi said nothing, so all that was heard bouncing off the walls were my soft wails. Then, there was a soft clink, the rustling of fabric and a hefty sigh.

"Why would you do that to yourself Eren? You should have known that I was coming back. Then again, I did say that stupid shit before I left, but I was just stressed. I didn't want to leave anymore than you wanted me to."

I lowered one of my hands, keeping the other over my nose and mouth, and studied the rare expressions that shone through Levi's usual glare as he sat there, leaning against the cave wall. He rubbed his forehead and huffed out a sigh. "This is so fucking messed up. How can you do this shit to me?" It almost sounded like he was demanding an answer but I really didn't know what to say. Do what?

A great amount of awkwardness settled around us in that moment.

Seriously though, do what to him?

"You said that you didn't eat, right?" I just nodded, still thoroughly confused. Levi groaned. "Great," he mumbled,"and its fucking dark outside. You stay here." When he stood up, I scrambled towards him, terrified that he was going to leave me again, but my arms were still weak and I fell flat on my face. "What are you doing you idiot? Calm the fuck down, I'm just getting you something to eat."

He didn't bother to help me up and just left as suddenly as he arrived. I couldn't help but think that Levi was just too kind for me. I didn't deserve him. So I lay there, smiling the silliest smile and waiting for my little human to return.

That is, of course, until I realized something.

Did he just say that he was going to get me something to eat?

Oh fuck no!

That'll just make me weaker!

Damn you Levi and your goddamn kindness!


	6. Crazy Little Thing Called Love

_**This chapter is an attempt to get the ball rolling in the plot line. Bear with the cheesiness of this chapter please and thank you.**_

 _ **PS: Titans have mates...deal**_

 _ **Sincerely,**_

 _ **Shado on'nanoko.**_

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After I returned to good health(no help from Levi there) we started back on our usual schedule. Levi would show up on random days and we would clean for the better part of the morning(blegh!), then we would wander around the forest with Levi pointing things out and ordering me to remember them every now and then. After that, we would catch something, cook it(why?! Why Levi!?) and then Levi would leave right before nightfall. We talked more and life was good. I grew to hate the times he left more and more, latching on to him whenever I saw the sun begin to dip into the trees. I would hold him even when he resisted and tried to physically pry me off(no humans strength is a match for a titans, even in human form), insisting that there was still more time and that there was no reason to leave yet. Of course, Levi would still leave me in the end, but would always return a day, maybe three, depending on how busy he was.

Expeditions were no longer a concern. I knew Levi would come back. He told me that he had even begun making a name for himself. That he had the highest kill count for a human in their first year. I was so proud of my little human and, from the way he talked about the situation, I could tell that he was proud of himself as well.

We still bickered and had little arguments about stupid things but otherwise, I couldn't be happier.

So when Levi didn't get ready to leave when the sun started to melt into the horizon, I knew something was up.

"When I was gone..."

Oh yeah, something was definitely up.

"I realized...that I haven't taught you everything yet." I perked up at that. I really enjoyed learning about what humans do and how they live. It was my favorite part of the day. Those times that Levi would teach me about what people do and how they act.

"What is it? What else is there?" Levi sighed and mumbled something that vaguely sounded like 'I'm going to regret this' but then turned to face me.

"It's this stupid ass thing called love."

I quirked a brow. "Love? What's that?"

"It's when you...care about someone so much that you always want to be with them." He grimaced. "That you want to do shit with them and fuck. Everyone goes crazy eyed over it for some fucked up reason. Its not like it's some amazing thing. You love someone, fuck and then leave them when you don't love them anymore. Its just how the world works."

I stare at Levi in awe. This love thing sounds fascinating.

"This love thing...does it make people happy?" I asked, intrigued. Levi shrugged a shoulder, his usual frown deepening. "I don't know, Eren." This time I frowned. If it didn't make you happy, then why do people like it so much? "Sometimes it looks like they're having the fucking time of their lives, then they hate each other. To be honest, I don't really understand it."

"I'm confused." I frowned.

"So am I, brat. So am I."

After that, Levi simply hummed and then flew off into the darkening forest. Leaving me in my cave to think on these new discoveries.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Levi wasn't able to come the next day, or the day after that. I guess that he had a lot of work to do? Levi is very skilled(from what Levi's told me) so maybe he's finally being recognized! That would be wonderful, Levi hates being a foot soldier.

Even though he's closer than he was when he went back to the walls, I still missed him. I still wanted him here all the time. He is my greatest weakness. Levi told me that I shouldn't have any weaknesses but, like always, I'm in a different situation than others. For me, Levi is the exception.

I wish we could be together all day. Perhaps even all night, but he has work to do and I have to actually eat something edible(for me) every now and then.

 _'It's when you care about someone so much that you always want to be with them'_

...I paused.

Nonono.

No way.

I can't be in love with Levi...but then again, why not?

I do always think about Levi. I barely care that I'm a titan anymore, I just want to be with him. Not only that, but I do want to touch him. I'm not sure what the true meaning of 'fuck' is but if I knew it, I would probably want to do that too.

I want to hug him, hold his hand, I want to lean on him when I get tired and the other way around. My life has gotten better since I met Levi. Its almost been a year according to what Levi has taught me. If he can make me this happy in barely a year, I can't even imagine how happy I would be if we were always together for as long as we live(technically, it would be for as long as he lives but...meh). Just thinking about it fills me with warmth. There's no doubt in my mind that I can love Levi forever. I will never leave him like he said that people do when they lose their love. I could never love anyone else like I love Levi. He's the one who gave me my name, the thing I will be called from now on. That makes him my chosen mate. He chose me(though it was without really knowing) and I will never break this bond. Because I do, I love Levi.

He is my precious little human.

But maybe I should wait just a little bit longer before I tell him. I should observe him and his actions towards me. All I can do now is hope, hope that he loves me back.

But then again, he did give me my name. He must love me!

Right?

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

In my observations, I noticed that Levi tends to sit close to me at whatever chance he gets. He always keeps an eye on me, to make sure I'm alright, or just because he wants to look. I'm not sure.

My face has taken to heating up whenever he looks at me. In truth, it's quite annoying and I try to hide it as much as possible but I know that Levi's seen it anyways. As if to prove my suspicions, Levi one day asks me why the fuck I'm blushing.

"What's blushing?"

Levi sighed.

"Its something that happens to your face when you get embarrassed. You do know what that is right? Embarrassed? Please say that you do. I really don't want to do a class today."

I nod my head to spare Levi even though I really don't know what that word means. Embarrassed? What was that? Oh well.

There isn't much physical contact between us. There's the momentary brush of our fingers or shoulders that happens once in a while, but never anything more. It makes me crave the contact. It makes me crave more.

How could I not have noticed this before? How could I not have noticed this great need for him to touch me? I might have thought about it before but this was different. It was unlike anything else.

I needed to tell him.

I needed him.

 **Now.**

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"What did you just say?" Questioned Levi with his back turned to me. I had stopped him right before he left.

"I love you Levi."

Levi shook his head but didn't turn to face me. "No you don't you idiot. You only think that because I'm the only other person here. I knew I shouldn't have told you any of that shit." I stared at Levi. He was saying that it wasn't true? "I'm not lying Levi." I ground out. "I really do love you. Its not just because you're the only person here. Don't forget that there were people before you who I've lived with. I've never felt this way for any of them! I've never even felt like this towards my ma-" I immediately cut off. I can't say that. If there's one thing that I learned about humans, it's that they don't have mates.

Levi didn't say anything or comment on my abrupt stop. He just stood there, facing away from me and minutely shaking his head.

"Levi," I almost begged. "I love you. So much." Levi still wouldn't look at me. Why? Why wouldn't he look at me?

"Fucking look at me Levi!"

He didn't even move.

In a moment of insecurity, I wrapped an arm around my stomach and brought the other hand to cover my face.

"Truth, Levi." I whispered. I saw the twitch in his shoulders and knew I was getting through to him.

"Truth...truth, Levi. Truth! It's the trut-" "SHUT UP!"

His yell echoed in the silence of the trees. His whole body looked stiff and high strung. His hands clenched into fists and then smoothed out again in what I supposed was to be a calming rhythm.

"I need to go."

I didn't have time to realize what he said before he was flinging himself into the air and between the trees.

What?

No.

Please no.

Not again. Please, don't leave me again.

Why...why do you always leave me?


	7. Abnormal Relations

_**I just wanted to say that I am not homophobic in any way. If I was, why would I be writing a yaoi story? This chapter has mentions of homophobia and there will definetly be some homophobia in the future. I am not aiming to offend anyone with this, it is simply apart of the story. If you do happen to be offended by this, feel free to pm me and i'll see what I can do about it. Please don't yell at me if you are displeased. It won't help anyone. I will apologize now if someone gets offended.**_

 _ **I am sorry.**_

 _ **Yes, I did change the title and that's because my idiotic friend kept making sexual comment on it. So I changed it. Sorry.**_

 _ **Sincerely,**_

 _ **Shado on'nanoko.**_

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Levi didn't come back after that.

It had been three days already and yet there was no sign of him anywhere. A week passed before I heard the telltail sound of Levi's contraption and the soft thud of feet hitting the ground.

I didn't turn to face him as he came closer. I was sitting on his usual rock and determinedly not looking at him. I could sense him behind me, the hairs on my neck sticking up. I could hear him breath in deeply, preparing to say something but I wouldn't give him the chance.

"So you're back." I spat, the words tasting sour on my tongue . "Did you have time to think about shit? Did you finally decide to stop being a fucking coward?" Levi sighed. "Eren, there's something I forgot to mention when I told you about love." I chuckled.

Of course.

"And it took you this fucking long to come back and tell me? What could it be?" I said, finally turning to look him in the eye. "Some people can't love? Some aren't allowed? Is there some unspoken rule that just happened to slip your mind when you told me?"

Levi's gaze dipped ever so slightly and I knew I was close. When he still insisted to stay quiet, I growled and demanded an answer.

"Men aren't supposed to love other men." He started, speaking slowly and with a strange look to his eyes. Was that...pain?

" Well, I guess that they could, in fact there are some places where people who like the same gender gather, but it's not widely accepted. Most people hate it, think its disgusting. They call men who like other men homo's, short for homosexual. It's just...not allowed, Eren."

I stared at Levi for a bit after that. He stared back with what could look like nervousness but apparently Levi's face is unable to actually show that certain emotion. I blinked and then raised an eyebrow at him.

"That has got to be the shittiest thing I have ever heard."

I nearly laughed at the face Levi made at that. Nearly.

"I know two males that are together!" True, they are males but he doesn't need to know that they're titans and biological mates. "What's so wrong with loving another male? I've been attracted physically to a female before but I never loved her. I love you, Levi. I love you so much that I can't stand being away from you, but I have to stay here. I don't belong out there, I have to work with what I've got." I frowned at the thought. I really didn't like to think on that. "We're not even anywhere close to the walls or your HQ! Why would it even matter? Plus, you never seemed like the type to care what other people think."

Levi looked at me almost desperately.

Then it hit me.

"Are you one of those people who hate it? Do you thing I'm disgusting for loving you?"

The pain in my voice was clear and by the way Levi's frown deepened, I knew he had heard it.

"No." He stated firmly. "I don't think you're disgusting. Stop being overdramatic. I'm informing you how people think about shit like this and warning you. I'm not the type for normal relationships. It just doesn't work out. I could die at any time because of the survey corps."

I gave Levi my most powerful 'you're an idiot' look and sighed in exasperation. "Levi, if we were to get into a relationship(whatever that is), it would be the farthest from normal than any other. I live in a titan infested forest and refuse to leave. You are only able to visit me when the survey corps goes outside the walls. Where, in any of this, do you see anything normal?" Levi stayed silent.

"I love you. More than anyone else. It's not just because you're the only one here, I love you because it's you. What's so wrong about that? I would understand if you said that you didn't love me back but you haven't given me an answer yet!" I saw Levi avert his gaze once again. All of this avoiding shit was really starting to piss me off.

"Fine!" I huffed. "Why don't you just leave if you won't give me an answer!"

No, don't leave. I don't mean it.

"That way, you can go back to the other stupid humans and end up loving some female like you 'apparently' should."

Oh please, don't do that.

I stomped back towards my cave while begging myself to turn around and take it all back, but I was already angry and I knew that my temper, at times, could go out of control.

"I'm gay, Eren."

I stopped but didn't turn around.

"I don't know what that means Levi. If you want to tell me something, use words that I know."

I heard what could have been a growl before I was grabbed from behind and thrown backwards. I landed with a hard 'thud' and winced in annoyance as a small rock jabbed into my back. I looked up at Levi, ready to tear his head off with words alone, but stopped when I saw the look on his face.

Levi?

"It means I'm a homo, you little shit." He practically hissed. His face was dark and made chills run down my spine. "I like men. Always have, always will. The reason I fucking told you about love in the first place was because when I was behind those shitty walls, I realized I fucking love you! I wanted you to know about love, on the off chance that you might actually like a fucker like me. I wanted you to like me the way I like you, but at the same time, I didn't want you to." Levi's breathing was heavy. I was too confused to move. What was he saying? He isn't making sense! Is he done talking? Should I say something?

Levi let loose a great gust of air and straitened up, calming himself so that he could finish what he started.

"I didn't want you to know because, even if I don't believe in how people think about people like me, I didn't want you to be persecuted like that when I take you to the walls with me because I will take you there one day." I frowned stubbornly at the statement but let him continue. "Even though I want to be with you like that...I don't want you to be hurt. I don't want those shitheads to fuck with you because of me. But then you actually said that you liked me and it took everything in me not to grab you and make you mine right there. I had to stay away from you to regain control because fuck! Eren, you make me loose control!"

Though Levi was forcing his face into the usual mask of indifference, I could still catch the small dip of his frown and the very minute pain in his eyes.

...Oh my...

Levi looks like a hurt little rabbit!

I couldn't take my eyes off him even if I tried. I was entranced. His words were so kind unlike his usual choices, and he had just admitted to loving me too!

"Levi." I whispered as I pulled myself up from the ground. He gave me a withering look and turned away. "Levi, look at me." I tried again but he refused to budge.

" I really don't care what they think Levi. I'm not like any of you and, no matter how much I wish it, I won't ever be. The only opinion i care about is yours, Levi. I love you. You mean much more to me than you could ever guess. You were the one to give me my name and, to someone like me, that is very important. It means that you've claimed me as your own. For me to take claim of you, I need to give you a name. I know you already have a name, but this one is for different purposes than distinguishing you from another." I said softly as I brushed my finger tips against his broad shoulders. I wrapped my arms around his sides and pulled him into a desperate hug, squeezing tight but loose enough for a human to bear. Thinking back to when Levi had taught me about religion, I remembered the beings he had mentioned in passing. The pure creations of this 'God' person.

"My little Angel." I hummed.

That earned me a sharp kick to the shin.

"You can't refuse the name once it's given to you, Angel. This means that you're mine now. You're mine and I love you and I will never leave you."

Levi sighed. "I forbid you from calling me that all the time. If you do, I swear that I'll never come back."

Well, Levi it is.

He'll still be Angel to me though -_-

Even though he said that, he still twisted around in my arms to wrap his own around my neck. I had to resist a flinch when his fingers brushed against my nape, but it was easier to do when I saw the telling tilt of a smile take over his mouth. His glaring eyes dug into my chest as he shook his head disbelievingly. "Where the hell did you get those fucked up rules?" He asked.

"It's the rules of my old group."

"Really? Well then, they're idiots."

I laughed and Levi pulled me closer to him. "I do love you." He whispered. I smiled.

"So what does fuck mean?"

...

"Fucking mood ruined. Piss off."


	8. Life With You (Part 1)

_**When Eren mentions wings, he means the cloak and the survey corps symbol on it**_ _._ _ **I thank you**_ _ **for all of your wonderful reviews so far. Now, to the rest of you who haven't reviewed. Please don't forget to review! This is going to be an arc of sorts, so the 'Life With You Arc'. It's long and will take up some chapters.**_

 _ **Sincerely,**_

 _ **Shado on'nanoko.**_

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~A few weeks later~

Strong, thin fingers carded through my hair, pulling on the occasional knots and massaging my scalp, slowly lulling me to sleep. The sun was high in the sky, warm and soothing, making me smile at the face above me. His head was haloed by the light, making his dark hair shine and eyes shimmer. My head was laid on his lap, him sitting on a clean(oh so very clean) rock with me lying beside him. Levi didn't smile back, but then again, he doesn't really smile all that often.

"So how's the Survey corps? Anything new?" I asked. Instantly, Levi's face crumpled but straitened out a second later, attempting to hide the strong emotion. Something bad must've happened. "What is it?" Levi's fingers paused but continued in their usual pattern after a second.

"I told you that there was an expedition a few days ago, yes?" I nodded. "Barely twenty of us came back out of the original number. Fucking twenty. So many of us died. Kids! For nothing! We didn't gain any territory, we didn't find out something that we didn't know, we didn't knock off a whole bunch of shithead titans, we didn't do anything!"

His fingers tightened in my hair, pulling and making me wince.

"Levi..."

Looking down, he realized what he was doing and slowly let go. I sat up, turning to face him and frowned when he wouldn't meet my eyes. "Levi, look at me." He stubbornly refused but let me guide his face upwards and towards mine.

"You are so kind, so caring. I wish I could take away all your pain. Stop the titans from killing your comrades. I don't deserve someone as great as you." I smiled when he gently leaned into my hand as I brushed it against his cheek. "At times, I wish that you would leave that life and come live here, with me. But you're too good to do that. You're too nice, noble to just leave those people defenseless when you know that you could do something."

Levi stared at me, face carefully blank.

"Bullshit."

And with that, he stood up and walked away.

"Aw, come on, Levi! Don't go! Come back!" Levi just shook his head and continued on his way.

"Why is your face red, Levi?"

"Shut up."

"Is that a blush?"

"Get the fuck away from me."

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So life went on. Every day was an adventure. I learned so much about 'relationships' and the world inside the walls. Levi tries his best to teach me everything that he knows about the world but there are still things I don't completely understand. I want to be closer to him, to know everything there is to know about him. I want us to be closer.

I want to one day tell him what I really am.

"Come with me." Was the first thing I heard from Levi the moment I stepped out of my cave. He refused to tell me where it was that we were going to but I suddenly didn't care as much once he slipped his hand into mine and gave me a small, playful smile. Warmth spread from our connected hands and caused my chest to tighten in the most wonderful way. I smiled brightly and relented to Levi's not-so-gentle tugs. He led us around trees and through bushes. Animals scattering as we stumbled through the green.

I was excited. A mysterious adventure with Levi, my boyfriend? Could this be considered what Levi had called a date? My smile was wide, wide enough to hurt my cheeks. I felt happiness bubble up inside of me, making me practically ooze joy.

That is until I saw where we were going and I stopped Levi.

"Where are we going?" I asked a bit sternly as my smile slowly slid off my face. Levi just gave me a pointed look followed by less gentle tugs. "You'll find out soon enough." That really didn't help.

I observed our surroundings with weary eyes. A few steps more and we would be out of my territory. A few steps more and hungry titans would be able to get to us, to Levi. A few more steps and I won't be able to protect Levi without showing him what I really am.

But...maybe that wouldn't be so bad.

Maybe, maybe he'll accept me.

Maybe he'll stay.

Levi's look softens and a ghost of a smile tugs at his lips.

"Trust me Eren. I won't let you get hurt."

I hesitated for a second, and then stepped over the invisible line.

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Decaying shards of warped metal peppered the ground in various places. If I looked closely, I could guess as to where they would have been on the equipment of the survey corps. It made me frown.

Then there was the splatters.

I couldn't help but stop when I saw them. Brown, almost black, smears spread across bark and grass. My anger rose at the sight of them because I knew what they were, I knew what had done it. I knew because I used to do it. I used to relish the sound of the crunch when their bones broke. I used to delight in the smell and taste of them. I used to love it when they ra - "Eren?"

I blinked and turned my head.

"What is it?" He asked with the barest concern. "You look like you've seen a fucking ghost." I drew my eyebrows together in confusion and tilted my head.

"Ghosts?"

Levi looked at me, opened his mouth, closed it and shook his head.

"Never mind. Hurry up, we don't have any time to waste staring at nothing." With that, Levi continued his fast paced walking, dragging me along with him. "Yeah," I whispered. "Nothing."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

We heard them before we saw them. We had been walking for a while when we suddenly felt the ground shake and heard the distinct sound of hoof beats. Levi jumped straight into action, pulling us away from the open area and into the shadows. We didn't have to wait long before shouts could be heard as a titan lumbered into open area we had previously occupied.

"Alan! Ray! Distract it! Karla and Mica! Take it down while it's distracted!" Shouted a gruff voice. A chorus of 'yes sir's answered before the newly arrived humans launched off their horses and into the air. I watched, amazed as the humans flew through the air effortlessly, circling the titan and getting into place. I glanced at Levi beside me, noticing the proud gleam in his eyes and smiled. "Are these your people Levi?" I asked. Levi didn't take his eyes off the flying humans when he answered.

"They're shitty people, idiots really, but they're apart of the Survey Corps. So really," He smiled "they're brave idiots."

I lightly brushed against his arm and squeezed his hand. I really lo-"They're disgusting aren't they." I jolted out of the happy haze I was sliding into and turned back to the fight.

"What is?"

"The titan of course."

I stiffened for a second.

It's ok. I already knew how humans see titans. It's justified. We eat them, terrorize them. Of course they hate us.

"Hehe...yeah...disgusting."

The soldiers cut into the nape of the titan and watched as it fell to the ground, steaming. I had to resist the urge to cover my own nape. "Good riddance. All those sick bastards should die." Levi spat as he turned and started pulling me away. My hand felt cold in his. The warmth of before had disappeared.

It's one thing to know it, it's another to hear it from him.

Will I ever be able to tell him what I really am?

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The trees were starting to thin out, the forest opening up more. I hadn't been to this part of the forest for a while. Levi started to slow down and relax a bit as we got closer to what looked like an open field. The sun was high in the sky by this time making it annoyingly hot.

"We're almost there." Levi announced. I nodded in understanding but was still confused. All that was over here were fields, some piles of rocks(ruins. Levi said they were ruins) and a big stone house thing. Are we going there? I haven't been there in such a long time, I wonder if it's changed.

We stopped at the edge of the forest, looking out into the open space. Levi kept turning his head from here to there, probably searching for titans. "Ok." He whispered. "We're gonna have to move fast and hide every now and then. There's still a little way to go to get to...where we're going." I nudged him in the side to show my displeasure in not knowing where we were going but grinned anyways.

"Race you!" I shouted, chuckling as I let go of his hand and sprinted into the field.

"Wrong direction you idiot!" Was all I got back before I turned to look at him and found that Levi was running in a completely different direction. "Gah! You cheater!" I quickly changed direction and bolted after my, surprisingly fast, human. Levi nearly cackled as he shouted back, "How the fuck am I cheating when it was you who assumed it was that way!" I grumbled in defeat and tried to catch up to my angel who's wings were flapping behind him.

"Where are we going anyways?" I whined after a bit of running. It's not like I was tired, not even close, but the suspense and the silence was killing me. When Levi refused to give me an answer I jabbed my shoulder into his side, throwing him off course. He clucked his tongue and righted himself before shooting a playful glare my way.

"We're going to HQ."

"What?!"

Distracted as I was, I tripped over a rock, stumbled and fell face first into the ground.

Levi's footsteps came to a stop a little ways away and a quiet chuckle floated towards me. "Shut uuup." I moaned. I didn't get up(mostly because I knew it would really mess with Levi and his cleanliness) but instead just shifted my head so I could see the little shit.

"What was that for? Didn't you say that you don't want me to go to HQ?"

"No, I said I didn't want them to take you to HQ and make you a tool. What were doing is completely different." Levi said quite snootily. I groaned and asked him how exactly this is different. He, the bastard, just smirked and said, "I just won't let anyone see you while I'm showing you around." He not-so-gently kicked me over and gestured for me to stand up.

"Don't think I haven't noticed your fucking creepy fascination with the survey corps."

That made me pause.

"You're doing this for me?"

Levi didn't respond, just turned his back and continued walking. My chest felt like it was being squeezed. I felt warm and fuzzy, like I was holding a big rabbit. I felt the sudden urge to be near Levi and never leave. A soft smile found its way to my face as I stumbled forwards, trying to catch up. I fell into step beside him, glancing at him from time to time. Finally, I reached for his hand and slipped my fingers between his once again.

His hand was hot, rough and strong and they were mine. I squeezed his hand gently to get his attention.

"I love you." I whispered warmly.

He squeezed back saying,

"I know."


	9. Life With You (Part 2)

_**How'd you like the Star Wars quote at the end there? I enjoyed it. I hope you had a good Christmas and for those who don't celebrate Christmas, I hope you had a great day or something. Also, HAPPY NEW YEAR! I'm really loving your reviews and hope you guys continue to like the story as it unfolds.**_

 _ **Sincerely,**_

 _ **Shado on'nanoko.**_

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Several voices blended together as one to make a loud mumble that I couldn't understand. There was laughing, yelling and mindless chatter everywhere and it seemed as though everyone had something to do. Levi and I had arrived at HQ just a little while ago and found a wonderful place to hide. We crouched between two wooden shacks(stables apparently) and behind a mound of hay, much to Levi's dislike. My eyes were wide as I observed the daily routines of the soldiers in the survey corps.

Horses were lead here and there and people roamed from place to place, doing small jobs assigned to them. Once asked, Levi began naming a few people that passed. Only a few though because he apparently doesn't feel like getting to know people who're just going to die in the end. When I heard that I just stared at him while I pointed at myself.

He huffed and refused to acknowledge his stupidity(hehe).

A shout came from farther in the stone walls and suddenly people were dropping what they were doing and filing inside. I nudged Levi and asked what was happening. He looked at me and said, "It's lunch time, you dolt. This is how I'm getting you in without others seeing."

"Ah...smart."

"Yeah~. Now shut up and follow me."

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Levi somehow managed to make his steps silent on the stone floors even with those heels on his boots while I, with the terribly worn down shoes Levi had given me which really shouldn't have made any noise at all, seemed to make as much noise as possible.

"Could you be any louder? I don't think the titans have heard you yet." Levi huffed as the noise finally got to him. I glared at him as I stumbled over yet another stone in the floor and let a very sarcastic grin spread across my face. "I could if that's what you really want." I practically purred. "You know that I would do anything for you, Leeeevi~."

Levi didn't even look at me as he lightly backhanded me. Although I say lightly, Levi doesn't seem to understand the meaning of lightly hitting someone.

...I'm so glad I'm more durable than a human. I might not have made it this far otherwise.

As we passed windows and doors, Levi would run a finger over anything that caught his eye and, depending on what he saw on his finger, he would either continue towards our destination or grimace and whip out cleaning supplies from...from...somewhere and proceed to scrub the offensive spot to death. I would observe these spots in sympathy, knowing the pain that they must be feeling.

Every day was bath day. *shiver*

Many, many doors later Levi finally stops. The door we're in front of looks identical to the many other doors we just passed.

"We're lost aren't w-ack!"

Clutching my wounded arm, I slunk into the room with Levi, finally relaxing when he closed the door again. "Where are we?" I asked. We were in a smallish room, made even more cramped with the wooden posts attached to each other(beds? Is that what they are?) lined against the wall and even on top of each other. Levi stalked to the back where he then sat on a lower bed in the corner closest to the window.

"So this is your bed." I stated more than asked. Levi nodded.

I saw the way the wood shone and guessed.

Amazing.

He patted the neatly folded fabric beside him, silently telling me to sit. I collapsed onto the bed rather ungracefully, earning me a sharp glare from Levi but I simply brushed it off with a smile. I leaned down sideways to rest my head on Levi's small yet broad shoulder. He huffed but didn't try to move me off.

"There's so many people here." I sighed. It was exciting sneaking around like this, the suspense of possibly getting caught. This place is the place I have always want to go, to be inside of, to be apart of.

I hummed a bit longingly.

"I wish I could fly like you. I wish I could fight with you."

Levi clicked his tongue. "You'd probably get yourself killed before you ran into your first titan." I fake gasped, putting a hand to my heart. "You wound me! I only want to protect you!" Levi lightly brushed his cheek against my hair. "And I only want to protect you."

I lifted my head from his shoulder but didn't pull away. I got lost in his eyes as they got lost in mind. We drew closer and Levi brought up his hand to guide me.

"Angel." I breathed just as our lips finally met.

It was like my body had been lit on fire with the pain turned to pleasure. I shifted closer, reaching for my angels body and slipping my arms around him and up his back. Levi's lips were thin and a bit rough but unbelievably enjoyable. We pulled away moments later with labored breaths and heat in my face. I shyly looked at Levi again, giving him a warm smile. Levi opened his mouth to say something but was interrupted by the door rattling as someone tried to pry it open.

Suddenly, I found myself being pushed and shoved underneath Levi's bed by Levi himself just before the door swung open.

"Levi?"

The voice was higher pitched, perhaps a female?

"What are you doing? Lunch's already started."

Levi grunted in greeting and answered with a gruff 'I'm cleaning'. Light footsteps came closer until I could see the humans feet just in front of the bed. "It already looks spotless so why don't you come down and eat with me. You don't usually talk to any of us outside of missions."

Silence followed. Very awkward silence. I could see the girls feet shifting slightly and couldn't help but feel sorry for her. Silence with Levi along with the glare I could guess was on his face is not a fun thing to be caught in.

"Fuck off, brat. I'm not interested."

The girl huffed, clearly offended and stomped off without saying anything else.

With the girl gone and the door firmly closed, Levi pulled me out from under the bed and quickly dusted me off. "That was too close." He mumbled as he sat back down. "We need a place here where people aren't allowed to go. We need a door with a fucking lock."

Levi kept talking but I wasn't really listening. I kept glancing at the door and imagining how that girl must have felt.

"Hey! Have you been listening to a single thing I've been saying?" Levi barked.

"You didn't have to be so rude. She just wanted to talk with you."

Levi looked at me and sighed.

"I have better things to do than socialize with the idiots that'll inevitably die." He propped himself up with his arms and leaned back, staring at the bed above. "I've got you, I don't need anyone else."

Though the confession made my human heart flutter, I still frowned.

"Levi," I whispered. "Take it from me. Being by yourself doesn't make everything easier. It only makes you numb, unfeeling. Don't distance yourself from everyone. You have the ability to speak to them now and if they die, they die. I'm not saying you should get so attached to them that you'd break when they die, I'm just saying that you shouldn't fight alone." I leaned forward and slipped my fingers into his smooth hair. His gaze flicked to me and then he leaned into the touch.

"Fuck you." He said. "...I'll try."

I smiled. "I love you."

"Yeah yeah. The higher ups have rooms all to them selves, if I manage to get a higher rank, maybe a captain, we could use that room without any idiots barreling in." I chuckled at the thought. "You're going to become a captain because you want a room where we won't be interrupted? That's stupid." Levi clucked his tongue and rolled his eyes.

"Have you seen the rest of this room? It's a pigsty! Fucking filthy. A room to myself would be fucking amazing. Better than sharing a room with uneducated and filthy little shits."

"Hey! What does that make me?"

"You've got an excuse."

"...that really doesn't reassure me."

"You're the exception, you idiot." Levi mumbled as he slipped his hand into mine.

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We snuck back out into the cooling air after a day well spent sneaking around and watching Levi actually train. From my hiding place I could see the other humans surprise at his arrival, allowing me to know that Levi doesn't train with the others even when he isn't with me. I only hope that that changes soon.

Going back felt shorter than going to HQ and soon enough, we had arrived.

"It's pretty late, you should be getting back." I said, watching as the light dimmed, making the trees come alive in the shadows. "Today was fun. I'm so glad you took me. I finally got to see what your life is like."

Levi snorted. "Pretty fucking boring if you ask me." I smiled as I started to wander into my cave. "It may be for you, but you're a part of something bigger. You all work for the better of all humans. Its amazing. I want to be a part of that."

"No." Levi grunted. "You're either going to be here where titans, for some reason, avoid or inside the walls where I know you'll be safe from titans at least."

I stopped, partially shadowed in the cave.

"Levi, I'm stronger than you think."

I turned back to the dark tunnels and continued to my cavern. I didn't hear him come up behind me, but before knew it he had turned me around, grabbed my nape making me twitch and pressed our lips together again.

What did he say this was called again? A kiss? Yeah...I could definitely get used to this.

The kiss was quick, quicker than last time but amazing none the less. Levi pulled away but I couldn't open my eyes that seemed to have closed on their own.

"I love you too."

By the time I managed to opened my eyes, Levi was gone.


	10. Life With You (Part 3)

_**Hello again. I just want to thank all those who've reviewed. Your compliments were appreciated. Keep them coming, or I might get discouraged. This is the SECOND YEAR that they are together, just so you know. I just wanted to give a great big thanks to Lena-luvs-cats who has reviewed on every single chapter since the beginning. You've really encouraged me and I only hope to live up to expectations.**_

 _ **Sincerely,**_

 ** _Shado on'nanoko._**

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~ A Year Later ~

Bath time.

Why do baths exist?

Fuck baths.

"I don't need baths!" I yelped as Levi's scrubbing became a little too much.

"Oh yes you do, brat. You sleep on the ground and roll around in the dirt every day. I refuse to be near someone who looks and smells like a pile of shit."

I grumbled a bit but didn't do anything to stop him. What I did do though, was grab one of his hands and pull him into the water with me. There was a moment of splashing and a delightfully un-Levi like squawk before he finally found his footing and righted himself. I couldn't hold in my laughter at the drowned look Levi had but immediately stopped as I sensed the imminent danger.

Levi looked pissed

Face dark and shadowed with the creepy addition of a small smirk added up to a fairly terrifying sight.

I squeaked and tried to get away, slowly trudging through the water. I could hear some furious splashing behind me and then suddenly felt a weight land on my back, leading to both of us falling headfirst into the water.

I pushed and shoved but Levi pushed and shoved back. Limbs were everywhere, water was getting in our mouths, ears and noses. Though I had the strength, Levi had the skill and the little fight ended with me unable to free my arms as Levi dragged me back to shore.

Levi grumbled as he began striping off his soaked clothes. Skillfully undoing his straps and violently wrenching his buttons open.

I couldn't help the small giggle that left my mouth at the clear annoyance on his face but soon regretted it the moment I saw that he had heard me.

Fuck.

"Ooooh~ so you think this is funny, Eren? I hope that's not the case because if you do, well then, I guess I'll just have to beat some fucking sense into you won't I."

...

"Too slow."

And with that, my dry and freshly washed clothes were grabbed from beside me and tossed into the water. I groaned as I watched them begin to sink. I stood there awkwardly naked while Levi calmly peeled off his remaining clothing and set out to dry them. I didn't even look at him, too pissed off about my clothes to see his smirking face. Brushing my long hair back, I sighed and began wading back into the water.

By the time I managed to get my clothes back, Levi was just coming out of the tunnel to the surface and heading for the place he puts his things(stuff like his gear, weapons and his cloak). He gently shoved his gear aside, grabbed his cloak, dusted it off and then wrapped it around his waist with difficulty. I couldn't help but stare. Levi's body looked very similar to my real body. Muscles well built and very prominent, none of the blubber that other titans have. My human body was well built but not to the extent that Levi's was. Though my strength is greater than a humans, it doesn't show.

"Like what you see?" Levi smirked as he glided over with his arms crossed. I tilted my head in confusion. "Of course I like you." Was my reply, to which Levi groaned. "Ah shit. I knew we would have to have this conversation sooner or later."

With great reluctance, Levi grasped my shoulder and lead me to my bed area.

"Before we start, get some clothes on." I looked at him disbelievingly. "You just threw my only clothes into the water, I'm not going to wear them now." Levi huffed and sat me down on a rock. He walked around my bed and grabbed the cloak I had salvaged from a dead soldier, then turned and tossed it to me.

"Put it on like I have."

I looked down and gently traced the carefully sown wings on the warm green fabric. "I'm sorry Levi, but I can't." Levi frowned. "What the fuck are you talking about?" I smile a bit sadly as I lift the cloak, fold it, then set it aside.

"These wings won't fit monsters."

Levi just stared at me.

"What?" He said, dumbfounded.

To cover up the seriousness of what I just said, I looked up at him and winked. "I guess I'll just have to hear this talk naked."

Levi groaned.

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Levi left a little after our talk, giving me time to let the new knowledge sink in.

The talk was...eye opening. Yes, eye opening and very confusing. Why would humans do this? For titans, we eat some meat, inject the broken down food with pheromones and some DNA and then spit it up for our females. She eats it and fertilizes her eggs. That doesn't mean that everything we throw up is able to make a titan, a titan has to be aroused for that. Humans though, they actually insert a part of themselves in another!

At least now I know what the new addition to my body is for.

Levi said that people do it for fun, that it feels good, and not just to bear children. That confused me.

For fun? Why?

Feels good? Doubt that.

He said that I would understand when we do it but...I'm worried. I don't know how this might affect me. I don't know if it will make me loose control. I could hurt Levi.

Levi could find out about me.

I watched from my new bed of cloth as the light started to dim the cave around me. I love Levi. I do, but I don't know if I'd be able to do that. I don't even know if it would work with my body.

Sleepily, I shuffled the cloth around until it was comfortable and I finally laid down.

Why did humans have to be so complicated?

Fuck.

Wait...not in that sense. *sigh*

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Levi came back three days later. He looked pissed beyond belief but he still greeted me with our usual kiss.

"Those bastards, making me join those filthy brats. I had to train with those sloppy children! They're clumsy and stupid. Most of them still think there's some sort of glory that they can pull from this. Idiots, the lot of 'em."

Levi continued to grumble all throughout the morning clean of the cave. When it was time for my daily bath, I was fed up.

"I thought I told you to talk to people." I scowled. Levi froze for a second. I smirked, knowing that he'd slipped up. "I have..." He trailed off. I huffed and looked him in the eyes. "Levi, you have the opportunity to make friends, but you choose to only have me."

"That's because I only need you." He refuted but I shook my head. "What if I'm not here? What if...you don't like me anymore and leave?" I said, voicing one of my fears when...if I tell Levi about me. Levi growled and opened his mouth but I stopped him. "What then, Levi? You'll be all alone again. I don't want you to be lonely if something happens. What about Hanji? I've seen how they are with you. They seem willing to be your friend even if you are mean to them sometimes."

Levi grunted and looked away.

"Shitty glasses is fucking annoying."

"You've said that about me. Aren't I your annoying brat?" I smiled. Levi hummed in affirmation. Chuckling, I reached up and brushed my hand through his smooth black hair lovingly. "And you're my angel."

He scoffed and batted my hand away. "Shut up, strip and get in the water." I leaned down a bit to capture his lips in a sweet but fleeting kiss. We parted and he smiled.

"Hurry up, annoying brat."

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I knew Levi would at least try to talk with others. I also knew that he wouldn't be trying very hard.

He left again, kissing me goodbye, and as I watched him leave, I got an idea.

I would help Levi connect with his fellow soldiers.

I'm was going to HQ!

Quickly, I followed after Levi as quietly as possible while admiring how fast my angel was. I quickly lost sight of him but that didn't matter, I knew the way well enough to get there on my own. I reached the open area with no problem but stayed cautious. You never knew when another titan would show up. It wouldn't do for me to transform so close to the survey corps.

The castle looked much more ominous in the dark. I glanced to the side and saw the sun disappear behind the trees. I frowned as my energy started to slip away.

Suddenly this didn't seem like a great idea.

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My feet shuffled against the stone floor as I moved through the halls. Every door looked the same like always. At times I would stop and sniff the air, trying to find where my angel had gone off to.

I breathed a sigh of relief as I found the right door but frowned as I smelled many other humans. But Levi had said that he was sharing a room with other humans. I have to be quiet.

The door creaked loudly as I opened it.

...Fuck...

Loud breathing and soft snores mixed with shuffling sheets as I froze in the doorway.

This really wasn't a good idea.

I crept forwards and closed the annoyingly loud door behind me. Slowly, I stumbled in the dark, trying to get to the back of the room without waking any of the humans up. After a few bumps and a lot of terrified pauses, I made it to the back of the room and headed towards the window. I found the wall and then found the bed, then I slowly got on the floor and tried to shimmy underneath the wooden bed.

"What the hell are you doing?" Was whispered harshly in my ear. I yelped but was cut off by a hand covering my mouth.

"Wewhy? (Levi?)"

Levi sighed.

"Eren, what are you doing here? You could have been seen!" He hissed. I pried his hand off my mouth, suppressing my instincts to simply bite-

"Don't worry, Levi. Everything will be alright." I said as I finally managed to wedge myself under the bed.

Above me Levi swore, then rolled over and quiet breathing once again filled the room.

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Sun had just begun to drift in through the window when Levi stuck his leg under the bed and kicked me awake.

"Wake up you shit and go back. Today isn't the type of day that you can be here." He hissed, being extra quiet to be sure not to disturb the other sleeping humans. I groaned and turned my head towards him. You didn't have to wake me up pike that~ I wanna stay here, at HQ." Levi huffed and pulled me out. He dragged me across the room and out the door, found an out of the way corner and shoved me in it before he spoke.

"Today is a resting day, which means that people won't be working or rushing around, not paying attention. That means that its more likely that you will be caught. Now, Get. Out."

I stared at him determinedly. Then I looked away and down. "Fine." I mumbled. I leaned in and gave him a quick peck before hurrying away. When I left the castle, I quickly hid behind a stable. I smiled.

Time for Levi to get some friends.

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Humans were everywhere. Some were talking and laughing. Others were lazing around or doing some extra training. I his behind anything I could find, trying to keep out of sight while looking for Levi. I had a whole plan figured out.

I was going to get Levi to make some friends.

I found Levi under a tree, separated from the other humans. He looked as disapproving as always as he observed the others. I grinned and slunk back towards the other humans. Grabbing some small rocks on the way, I put my plan into action.

I took aim and threw.

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The plan failed.

It turned out that people don't like getting stones thrown at them to get their attention.

The small group of humans who I had hit with my stones had turned and saw Levi by the tree. As I had planned, they thought that Levi had thrown the stones. Now they would talk to each other and maybe even become friends.

I, unfortunately, forgot about Levi's personality.

A fight started and soon ended with Levi winning. People had stopped and stared at the gruesome scene before they started to whisper and inch away from Levi. I frowned as I ducked behind some hay. This wasn't supposed to happen. Levi was supposed to be making friends not beating people up! Maybe it I jus- "I should have known it was you."

I jolted out of my thoughts and looked up guiltily. There was Levi, leaning against the bail of hay and looking quite pissed. Even though he was looking away from me, I could tell that if he was able to, he would be glaring holes into my head.

"I thought I told you to leave." He growled in a low voice.

"You did! I just...didn't listen?"

His eyebrow twitched.

I sighed and let my gaze fall to the green grass. "I just wanted to help you make some friends." It was Levi's turn to sigh now. "If I'm going to make friends, its going to be on my terms, got it?" He grumbled. I nodded.

"Good, now hurry up and get back to the cave before you get spotted."

I reluctantly snuck away and out of HQ, taking my time across the open field and in the forest. I continued to mope as I stumbled into my cave, collapsing on my bed.

Mission, failed.

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 _ **This is a note for yggdrasil001 who advised me to post this on Archive Of Our Own. I've tried signingup but for some reason, it won't let me. If you have any tips on the matter, please PM me. I'm pretty hopeless with this stuff.**_


	11. Life With You (Part 4)

~ A year later ~

I whooped loudly as I felt the wind whipped by my face, my hair shooting out behind me in brown tangled streaks. Looking around, I saw the world blur as we raced through the trees, practically flying. Smiling widely, I clung to his shoulders, pressing as close as I could to the soothing warmth and reassuring sturdiness that is Levi. I heard him chuckle, followed by playful insults. He outright laughed at my audible pout.

He maneuvered us easily back to the cave and still managed to land gracefully even while carrying me on his back. "That was great!" I squealed as I slid off him. "We should do that again sometimes." He hummed, pretending to think on it while he pulled me into a kiss. His mouth moved on mine and, just like he taught me, I opened my own to welcome him.

This type of kiss had been a surprise when it first happened a while ago. I nearly fell over from shock when I felt his tongue brush over my lips. He then explained, told me how to do it and proceeded to give me the greatest kiss of my life(but then again, I've never really kissed anyone else so...). It shocked me but it doesn't mean I hate it, I love it in fact. Proof of this statement came in the form of a low whine as Levi nipped at my lower lip, tugging and sucking on the piece of flesh like it was something delicious. I smoothed my hands up his chest, over his shoulders and into his hair, pulling him closer than before. We parted for a breathless moment, observing the others completely disheveled appearance before rushing back in with a need I could only compare to a titans need for flesh. Levi wrapped his arms tight around me, slowly walking me backwards until my back brushed up against what I could only guess to be a tree.

His kisses started to miss their mark as they slowly inched towards my neck, teeth nipping at my pulse. I gasped as he bit a little too close to my nape for comfort. "No..." I breathed. "N-not there!" The urgency in my tone alerted Levi that this might not be the best idea. He pulled back immediately, searching my eyes for something, anything that might give him a clue as to what to do. "What's wrong?" He asked, breath coming out in little puffs and cheeks just the vaguest tint of red.

I shuddered in a breath, forcing myself to calm down because this was Levi damn it! He wouldn't hurt me, he's proven that more than enough over the years. He loves me and I love him and-fuck those blades were sharp.

My eyes were drawn unbidden to the gear hanging by Levi's waist and the blades that they housed. Why did this still bother me? Levi would never hurt me!

If you're so sure, why not tell him? Tell him what you are.

I cringed.

The thought had been popping up a lot lately and, though I disliked it, the answer was always the same. No, I can't, because no matter how much he loves me, even Levi wouldn't be able to love a monster like me.

"Eren?" He repeated, using his hand to force my head and eyes upwards to look at him. I suppressed a shiver at the concerned look in his eyes.

Not for me, not for the real me.

"I'm fine." I wheezed, "Just...don't touch my neck too much, it's very...uh...sensitive?" It really wasn't all that convincing and I could tell Levi didn't believe a word but he backed off anyways. "Sorry." I mumbled but he just waved it off with his usual scoff and dull expression. I mourned the pleasant mood that had been there just moments ago, now unable to be salvaged. I shuffled my feet awkwardly, wondering what to do next and sighed in relief when Levi took charge and announced that a bath was in order after all that exercise.

We started towards the cave when he punched me in the arm in what I can only guess was an attempt to diffuse the tension. I yelped, cradling the wounded limb against my chest and staring wide eyed at my ass of a boyfriend.

"What the fuck was that?" I cried indignantly.

Levi just ignored me, speeding up his steps to, supposedly, reach the the pond faster but I saw that annoying smirk. "Oh no you don't!" I yelled, just about to sprint after him but stopping mid stride.

I tipped my head back, nose twitching as it caught the scent again. My breath caught in my throat and I snapped my head back down to check on Levi, but by that point, Levi was inside the cave and had probably already reached the water.

This was bad.

They're not supposed to be here!

How the fuck did it get in?

The ground under my feet shook, loud thumps and the snapping of trees could be heard in the distance. The sounds grew louder, closer and I couldn't figure out what to do. There was a chance that Levi would come back out which meant I couldn't risk transforming, but my instincts to defend my territory were too strong to just let me go inside the cave, not to mention that though the cave is sturdy and made of rock, it could still be crushed if the right amount of force was used. So I can't go inside, but I can't do anything in this form, so what do I-

My thoughts cut off as a loud crack shocked me out of my daze and I turned immediately to meet the glazed stare and smug grin of my own kind.

It wasn't as tall as my true form, but for this one, it would be enough. Its yellow hair was short, covered in dirt and bits of the trees it undoubtedly destroyed on the way here. Its eyes sunk into its skull and its grin was too large, leaking drool in a show of excitement.

I gulped.

It sprung at me and I couldn't help the terrified yelp I let out as I dove to the side. I rolled, stood and backed up against a tree as it got down on all fours, back towards the cave, and crawled towards me. Its face came unbearably close to me in a sick reenactment of what had happened earlier with Levi.

I held my breath as it opened its jaw, inching forwards to catch me between its teeth.

Then it stopped, sniffed and seemed to hesitate.

It seemed confused, not sure what to do.

Then it jerked harshly and collapsed into a steaming pile of flesh.

"Eren!" Levi yelled, his usual deep voice hitching a little higher with worry. I couldn't respond, all I could do was stare at the large teeth disappearing just by my toes. I don't think I had ever been this scared of my own kind before. Sure, she and the other two had a tendency to make me worry about my well being but never actually fear for my life. The lower class titans couldn't even hope to make me worry, they were weak, smaller and had no actual thought process unlike the four of us. This was a new experience, a terrifying experience.

This was the first time I had experienced my kind as a human.

I felt sick just thinking about it.

This was Levi's life? This was the life of a human? Living each day with the possibility of facing deaths smug smile?

How terrifying.

I felt something press up against me and jumped, almost letting out a scream until I realized that I knew the soft and silky strands of midnight hair. Levi had wrapped himself around me, breathing in deeply and squeezing my arms into my side. "Levi!" I gasped. Suddenly he let go, pulled back and punched me.

His face was impassive as he watched me whine and clutch my cheek.

"Call me next time you fucking piece of shit. If I hadn't come out just now you would be titan shit." He practically growled, glaring at me. It proved to be very intimidating with the steaming corpse just behind him.

He reached out again and I flinched. His glared softened into something more caring as he continued the gesture and pulled my hand away from my cheek to inspect the damage. "So don't you go doing that again, you hear me brat?" I nodded but twitched as he prodded the tender skin. I only hoped that the steam from the titan covered up my own steam. "Now stop that shivering, you're freaking me out." I hadn't even realized that I was shaking. I tried to stop but I just couldn't. I glanced behind Levi and stared at the dead titan.

"C-can we j-just go inside?" I asked, desperate to get away from human reality. I knew of it before, but I had never really experienced what they must feel during the act.

Levi nodded and helped me to the cave, through the tunnels and to my bed.

"I thought you would be used to this by now." He said as I sat down on my bed. I shook my head. "They've...uh...never come this close before. It's just...a shock." He nodded in understanding as he rubbed soothing circles on my back. "At least you didn't piss your pants, most people in the survey corps do on their first expedition." I guess he was expecting a laugh at that because he was suddenly staring at me, waiting for something. I probably would have laughed at that if I couldn't imagine just how those poor people felt when they saw a titan. Instead, I found myself asking whether he had. He sighed, "No. I could barely bring myself to find them all that terrifying. I actually almost laughed at their idiocy and deformities that made them walk funny. That, of course, was before the killing started." His face twisted in a mix of grief and anger at the memories and I had to grab his hand to bring him back. He looked at our entwined fingers and squeezed.

"You shitty brat, don't go dying on me, you got that? I already have too much to bear."

I smiled at him, reaching out and pulling him in for a sweet kiss.

"Wouldn't dream of it, Angel."


	12. Life With You (Part 5)

"Training?!" I shouted. Levi just nodded and I nearly fainted.

By the walls, my dream might actually be coming true!

"Wh-what type of t-training?"

"The same type of shit that the survey corps dishes out with some of...my own ideas."

The undeniably creepy smile that slithered onto Levi's face at that moment lead to me suddenly thinking twice about this training I had been so excited for.

Levi stood me up, shoved me into what he called a stance and proceeded to poke and prod me until the sun seemed to be as tired as I was. I flopped down to the forest floor and glared accusingly at the short human. "That was not fun." I grumbled. Levi snorted, folding his arms in front of him. "Never said it was going to be fun, brat. You just let your stupid fantasies lead you astray." I huffed, knowing he was right but not wanting to accept it. The bastard was right way too much.

I pulled him over and attempted to make him sit with me but he adamantly refused. "It's fucking filthy" He said but ended up crouching beside me anyways.

I gently prodded him with my elbow, leaning towards him and giving a curious look.

"What's this about, Levi? You've never mentioned any training before, why now?"

Levi didn't answer, he just stared at me with his mouth in a tight, firm line.

"Is it because of that titan?"

The line turned into a grimace.

I sighed.

" Levi-"

"I just want you to be prepared." He blurted, scowling when I looked at him in surprise. "I need to make sure you can defend yourself against any threat." I frowned.

"But why am I learning this hand to hand stuff?"

"Humans, at times Eren, can be just as bad as titans."

His voice was low, angry. It took me a small moment to realize that that anger wasn't directed at me, it was a simmering anger that had been held for years.

I had to once again remind myself that Levi's life has been a sharp and long drop from perfect.

I smoothed a hand across his shoulders and atempted to pull him close.

"Okay, I'm sorry for asking, thank you."

His huff came out more of a growl than anything else and I hummed in approval.

Such a beautiful growl.

My angel was perfect.

I scooted closer and rested my head on his shoulder, feeling it relax and his own head gently rest on mine. I watched small plants bend and sway in the breeze, I listened to the leaves rustle. I listened to the soft, fragile heart beat-beat-beating under my ear.

Such a small thing, working for such a great purpose as keeping this human, this man, alive.

"Thank you for this." I mumble, drifting off a little from the overwhelming feeling of being safe. "Thank you for caring, for being here and for loving me." Levi grunts, gently pushing his fingers through my hair soothingly.

"I wish I could be with you at HQ. I want...to be a part of your life there. Not just a secret corner." I buried my face in to his neck as he hummed. He didn't have to say anything, I already knew how he felt. He wished for it too, he wanted to merge both sides of his lives.

"I wish the world was different. I wish I could be with you all the time. I wish we didn't have to hide. I wish I was different! I wish-" A sob rips from my throat unexpectedly. I tried to calm myself down and Levi's fingers softly threading through my hair helped. "I-I sometimes wish, so that I could be with you, I wish...wish I was a girl."

The moment I said it, Levi froze.

"What..." He growled as he pulled me to face him. "Are you talking about?"

I shook my head, my eyes a bit wet and my lip trembling.

"I-I-I...s-so you won't get h-hurt...I'll ch-chang-" Levi cut me off with a kiss.

"No." He said, voice deep as he pulled back. "Don't ever think you have to change because of them. I have never, not once, thought it would be better if you were different. I love you," He stared deep into my eyes, a hand coming to gently rest against my cheek. "Just the way you are. You're perfect and don't ever need to change."

I let the tears spill over as he pulled me to his chest. We sat there as the sun lowered and the air cooled. By the time I calmed down, Levi had to go. He was reluctant to leave saying that he would stay for the bath at least but I made him go. He had a duty and we didn't want any suspicion following him.

I watched as he disappeared into the green of the forest and then waited. The moment only moonlight shone, I lifted my hand and bit.

There were so many differences between us, so many things that could break us. Me being what I am was just one, but it was the biggest.

I wish there weren't so many differences between him and I.

The steam cleared and I strode away, working on staying up later and filling my belly in one go.

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The next time Levi came back, dark clouds were rolling across the sky. We didn't hold any hope for any outside activities and were soon found right as the sky opened and barreled down on us. We ran the short distance to the shelter and quickly prepared a small fire to keep us warm as the icy rain dripped from the ceiling, making the small pond grow.

As I fanned the flames, I couldn't help but glance at Levi every now and then. He just sat there, knees bent and spread, elbows sitting on top of them with hands hanging down between. He didn't move, bewitched by the water as memories started to drip in too.

I hated when this happened. If I could, I would stop the rain from coming so that Levi wouldn't have to suffer like this. I knew it would be useless though. Even if I could, Levi would just find another way to remember that horrible night whether he wanted too or not.

For him, rain signified death, the death of his family.

I let the fire be, for now and shuffled over to Levi's side. He didn't seem to realize I was there at all and kept staring at the dead. I gently placed a hand on his arm, squeezing a bit to get his attention as I lowered myself down beside him.

He didn't move and I thought he hasn't noticed me yet so I was about to try again when he spoke up. His voice was barely above a whisper and his eyes were hazed over with the fog of time, forcing him to remember.

"It was my fault..."

He always said the same thing.

Rain would fall, and so would Levi.

"No, no it wasn't Levi." I tried to sooth him but he shook his head.

"N-no, it...it was all be-ecause of me that th-they..."

I hushed him softly as I brushed me fingers through his hair, leaning my forehead against his temple as he shivered because of something other than the cold.

"Angel," I whispered, nuzzling against him, trying to offer as much comfort as I could. "It isn't tour fault. No one is to blame. Things just happen, the good and the bad come spontaneously. We don't know the future, Angel, and we can't change the past. So please..." I begged. I didn't want to see him this way, so broken, so lost.

He finally moved, arm lifting up to grasp mine and squeeze. He opened his mouth to say something but choked on the words. He eventually gave up but it didn't matter.

There was nothing that needed to be said anyways.


	13. Life With You (Part 6)

**Hey, hey guys! We're on the 4th year! Just another two years and the walls will fall! (Why the fuck did I do this?) I'm so happy. Almost done the arc! The plot will move faster again! I guesstimated the amount of years Levi had been in the survey corps before the walls fell, I came up with six so I'm sticking to it. Bear with me! The real reason I didn't update quickly was because I recently started watching Shameless (US) and got addicted to Ian x Mickey instantly. Season 5 finale fucked me up as well as the first episode of season 6. Just thinking about it makes me want to strangle the writers and it kills me that I can't do anything so I just trolled the fandom for the show and forgot all about writing. Sorry about not updating but those who know what I'm talking about know my pain ;_;**

 ** _Sincerely,_**

 ** _Shado on'nanoko._**

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~A year later~

My new boots clacked against the stone floor as I stumbled behind Levi, trying to keep out of sight and unheard.

Obviously, I was failing at it.

Levi had long given up on trying to make me quiet while sneaking around HQ. My clumsiness would be our down fall was what he said, and there's nothing we could do about it.

Levi stalked ahead of me, shoulders pulled back, spine straight and head held high. He oozed a bit of smugness that told me something was happening and I didn't know if I would like it. The last time he was like this I had just finished flipping me on my head.

We kept walking, no one in sight as we navigated the hallways. Lunch was a very useful part of the day that we always used to its fullest.

Light shone through the little windows to our left and I was suddenly distracted by a noise just below. I sidled up to the window and peeked out at the green grass and a small group of humans who were laughing and playing with each other rather fiercely. Levi slid in beside me and followed my gaze. He hummed quietly but didn't make a move to name them.

Levi didn't usually remember peoples names. Too boring I guess.

I followed him again, frowning a bit this time, and spoke up as we were passing his room.

"Uh, Levi?" I started. He stopped and glanced back. "This is your room, right?" I asked, gesturing to the door. He continued to stare at me and I had to fight the urge to fidget. Finally, he looked away, facing forwards again, "Come along, Eren."

A few awkward minutes later, we found ourselves in front of a door that I noticed was a little nicer than the rest. Levi didn't even hesitate in opening the door to stride inside while I, on the other hand, shifted from foot to foot in the doorway.

"Levi, are we allowed to be in here?" Levi scoffed. "If I wasn't allowed into my own room, where would I sleep?" He questioned sarcastically. I stared at him dumbly.

"Huh?"

Levi sighed. "Those people you saw outside, they're candidates for my squad that Erwin suggested. I, personally, don't think they have what it takes." Was all he said. I was still confused.

Suddenly, Levis' stone face cracked and a brilliant smile broke free.

"Eren," He whispered. "I did it. You're looking at the newly appointed Captain Levi."

I stared at him.

Captain?

Oh...

Oh!

I whooped a joyous laugh as I rushed forwards and grasped Levi under his arms, lifting him up and spinning around. Levi let out an indecent squawk that devolved into much more pleasant chuckles and wrapped his arms around me as I pulled him into a strong hug.

"Levi, I'm so happy for you!" I smiled. "Finally, you have a room to yourself that no one else can mess up. I know how much that angered you." Levi shook his head. I tilted mine in confusion but relaxed as he leaned forwards and placed a soft kiss on my lips before resting his forehead on mine. His legs swayed a bit in the air as I held him up and close.

"Not mine." He said and I frowned. "But-"

"Ours."

I looked into his silver eyes that stared back into mine, showing all the love and happiness he kept out of his usual expressions.

"Our room, Eren."

My smile broadened and I immediately started to shower Levi with kisses and as many affectionate words as possible.

My Angel, such a radiant being.

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We laid in bed, the soft light from the window spilling in and tinting the sheets orange. I was on my side, arm draped over Levis' chest and legs tangled with his. Our breathing was soft, relaxed in this new place for just us and I sighed with content as I burrowed deeper into his side and the soft bed. Levi shifted, tilting his head down to nose at my hair, sneaking his arm under my neck and around my shoulders. I prided myself in not flinching when his fingers brushed against my nape.

Levi hummed, "I'll start you on 3DMG training tomorrow."

I froze.

"WHA-WH-WHAT?!" I squeaked. Levi just chuckled. "O-oh my ...that's...INCREDIBLE! B-BU-BUT HO-"

Levi tugged me back down when I began to get up, my ear plastered to his chest, enabling me to feel the low rumbling chuckle rolling through him.

"You'll use mine. The leather's been broken in already so it shouldn't hurt as much as a new one and since it's mine, I'll know if there are any kinks in it and how to fix it."

I nodded, my head swimming with excitement at the opportunity to fly. Levi pulled the sheet farther up our bodies, draping it over my shoulders and his chest. We relaxed and I could feel my eyes begin to droop but the peaceful moment was broken by a sharp nock on the door.

"Captain Levi, sir?" Someone called.

Levi groaned but got up and slipped on a pair of pants. He opened the door a crack, making sure that the soldier couldn't see me and growled at the human.

"What"

From where I was lying on the bed, I could hear the poor human gulp.

The soldier stammered out a request from the commander to see Levi and then shrunk away at Levi's disapproval and irritation. He snapped back a short reply, saying that yes, he would go see Erwin and promptly slammed the door in the kids face.

I chuckled, covering the sound with my hand. Levi looked at me and shook his head, the tension leaving his body quickly as he padded back to bed. I eyed him curiously when he slipped under the covers. "Didn't you say you were going to see Erwin?" Levi snorted. "Never said when, did I?" He snickered. "Let's keep him waiting."

He pulled me close, a hand slipping through my hair and brushing against my cheek. I leaned into the touch, almost purring at the feel of his hand conveying love.

"Will I have to go?" I asked, a little disappointed that I might not be able to stay. Levi shook his head, eyeing his thumb as it slid across my bottom lip, "No," he said, coming close for a quick kiss and then retreating with a small smile playing across his face. "Stay for tonight. For once I want to wake up to something that makes me happy."

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One night quickly turned into three, then a week, and then another after that. It was like we lived in our own little bubble. A room separate from everyone else in the building, a room where no one dared to go because of the fearsome captain that lived there.

He brought food from the mess hall so we could, as he said it, 'dine together'. We talked about everything and nothing and basked in each others company. When he was gone performing his duties as captain, I would watch all the soldiers passing by the widow and create fantastical stories of where they came from and why they were there. I would watch them work, carrying crates from carts to storage and back, and I would watch them train to fight. Sometimes, Levi would drag his skittish team to a place where not only could I watch my human dazzle others and instill fear but he could watch me and smirk as I fawned over him.

The little fuck.

It took me longer than I'm proud to admit to realize that Levi hadn't been out of his room for any reason other than his job as captain. The moment I realized this I unlatched the window I was watching Levi and his squad out of, swiped my boot from my foot and whipped it out the window straight at the shits head. The boot sadly missed but Levi did come storming into the room minutes later which was what I really wanted. Thankfully they had already finished their last drills before bed.

"WHAT THE FUC-"

"'What the fuck' yourself!" I sharply cut in. Levi growled but I didn't let him start.

"You didn't try, did you?"

That stopped him. He looked at me with a raised brow, showing he had no idea what I was talking about. I sighed and crossed my arms as I leaned my hip against his desk. "You didn't try to make friends did you?" Realization hit him and his eyebrow came tumbling down. "I-"

"I told you to try, twice! And YOU told me you would!" I barked at him. Levi set his face in stone and grumbled under his breath. "What was that?" I snapped, raising a hand to my ear dramatically. "It was nothing." Levi snapped back.

Silence followed.

I huffed, "Fine!"

Jerkily, I snatched Levi's pillow of the bed and tossed it onto the desk. Levi watched me, so very confused as i tore of a thin sheet from the bed, leaving the fluffy comforter behind, and piled it beside the pillow. By the time I had taken off my other boot and was ready for bed, Levi still hasn't moved.

I crawled into bed, pointed at the pile of cloth and said, "That's your bed for tonight."

Levi gaped.

"Well," I hummed, "at least until you make some friends." After that, I snuffed out the candle and pulled the plush comforter over my shoulders.

Levi just stood there.

"You're couching me?!"

"Yes I'm fucking couching you!"

Whatever the fuck that means.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 **PS. If anyone wants any smut to go down, feel free to suggest things and I'll add them in as flashback chapters or something if they fit with where this fic is going/is. If it is more of a crack moment, you can still suggest it but it'll probably be an Omake or a dream.**

 **See ya! ;)**


	14. Life With You (Part 7)

**There's smut in this one BUT! I've never written smut before so it's probably pretty shitty. Feel free to offer any constructive criticism as long as it is worded nicely.**

 **GUYS! I'm trying to cosplay Levi! I'm really excited but I can't fucking do his eyebrows. It. Is. Killing. ME! God, never knew perpetual scowling with the thinnest things in the world was this hard. UGH! (°^°)**

 _ **Sincerely,**_

 _ **Shado on'nanoko.**_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I flipped over greedy fingers, frowning at the blood and dirt under its nails. My finger twitched and a grapple shot out, embedding itself in a tree, pulling the wire taught and swinging me around the blubbery titan.

"You're doing well, Eren!" Levi shouted from the sidelines, keeping his concerned but trusting eyes glued to me. "Now, commit to the move! Don't doubt yourself for a second!" I didn't nod, focusing instead on the large, smooth nape of the titan I was rounding upon. I sucked in gulpfulls of air and shot them out, steeling myself for this new way of killing.

Adrenaline raced through my veins, pounding in my ears, blocking all other noise from registering.

I tightened my grip and fell into a spin.

Flesh was sliced, a nape was cut, and I watched triumphantly as the low class titan collapsed and steamed away. I landed on a branch almost directly above the scene and jumped when I heard a gruff shout from below.

"Hurry up the fucking moment! We gotta get back to the cave before another one of these bloated meat sacks show up. You're not ready for multiples!"

I acquiesced with a pout and let myself tip backwards, reveling in the wind rushing through my hair and the hiss of my gear as I caught myself just in time for a fancy landing.

Levi was not impressed.

"You were wasting time!" He growled, nearly ripping the gear off me in his frustration. "You don't take this as seriously as you should. In the time it took you to pull off that fancy landing, another titan could have showed up, hell, a whole pack could have come!"

I calmly placed my hands over his, gently easing them away from the abused straps and holding them between us. "Levi," I said, leaning forward to peck the crease between his brows, "I'm alright, nothing happened. We would have seen or at least heard if another titan was coming so calm down, everything's ok."

Levi sighed, gripping my hands tightly before slowly letting them slide out of his grip.

"I know."

I quirked a brow. He scoffed.

"Don't give me that look, you little shit. Of course I know that. But I also know how easily someone can die by letting their guard down for just a second or because they wanted to show off."

The small upturn of my lips fell back down at that statement.

"Lev–" "No, Eren." I shut my mouth. "I've seen so many people die from foolish mistakes. Not just the new and young recruits but the veterans too. People older than you, wiser than you, Eren. You need to be more aware..." Abruptly, he stopped and stared at me, examining my face.

"How old are you?"

...

"Excuse me?"

He repeated the question but I still had no idea what he was talking about.

"Your age, Eren. How many years you've been alive."

He wouldn't stop staring at me, watching me flounder for an answer. "I was supposed to keep track?"

Levi sighed.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

After a long conversation on the meaning of age and why it mattered, Levi started to estimate how old I could be.

Needless to say, he didn't get anywhere.

"Were you here when they settled HQ? When the Survey corps came and made the castle their headquarters." He asked. I thought back.

I do remember when the castle was crumbling and filled with plants and animals instead of humans. I used to play around the broken walls and cracked cobblestone as a human. I'm not sure when the humans came but I'm sure it was a long while after I stopped going. But I'd been conscious for a long while before that.

How old was I?

"I had been to the castle long before the survey corp came."

Levi nodded.

"Well," he mused, "that was a little over twenty years ago so..." Then he wouldn't stop staring.

After a little while the staring became too much and I cracked. "What?" I asked, really creeped out by the fact that Levi hadn't even blinked.

"Eren..."

I nodded, encouraging him yo go on because this was really freaky.

"You might be older than me."

...

"Great?"

Levi scowled. Apparently he had always assumed he was older than me so this came as a bit of a shock. I stood there, shuffling my feet and toeing the ground as Levi paced, trying to estimate my exact age. "If I'm turning 29 this December and you're older than me, old enough to be alone out here and survive, you could be thirty five. Though you could be older." I'm probably older considering I was alive for when there were still a whole bunch of human colonies outside the walls.

A sharp slap to the back of my head rushed me out of my daze, making me wince and rub the abused spot.

"What~" I whined.

Levi stood there scowling his eyebrows together, scolding me for not paying attention to him when he was talking about something important. He sighed when I mumbled that age had never mattered before so why should it now?

"Since you don't have a birthday," he paused when I gave him a puzzled look. "The date you were born." I nodded. "It would just be easier if we shared one."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

So we discussed and now I know that December 25th, when snow is on the ground and the air is bitter cold, Levi and I will declare that we are one year older.

It's a weird tradition in my opinion.

Why would humans want to celebrate another year closer to death?

Though I may not think highly of it myself, Levi seems keen and maybe even excited to have such an important date to him shared with me.

We sat in the cool air of my cave side by side. The light bouncing in had stopped being a blazing yellow and was more of a soft orange now. Levi smoothed his hand across my shoulders, gripping the one farthest from him and pulling me into his side with a teasing smirk. He chuckled at the yelp I let loose when I tumbled onto him, causing me to growl and look up, seeking revenge.

Sadly my revenge was halted by lips and tongue.

I whimpered into his mouth, trying to keep up but my mind was getting hazy. I reached up to grip the back of his head, my fingers brushing over the shaved half of his head as I pulled him closer, crushing my mouth to his.

He growled and I shivered.

This had happened very few times before and I couldn't help vibrating with anticipation.

Fingers glided down my chest, around my side and traced the lip of my pants, occasionally dipping past and over my cheek. I squirmed and slipped my hands from the nape of Levi's neck to his shoulders, steadying myself so I could scramble to my knees and part them, sliding into place on Levi's lap crotch to crotch. I relished in the groan Levi let slip, determination welling inside me to hear more.

I pulled back, shuddering at Levi's growl but shaking my head quickly to regain myself.

I was on a mission.

I stopped holding back, quickly overpowering Levi and pushing him down, sliding his arms up above his head and gripping both his wrists in my left hand. I smirked at his widened eyes, my own eyes hooded heavily from the view.

"What are you doing, brat?"

I didn't answer. I didn't need to, really. He knew what was happening.

Slowly, I unbuttoned his shirt, pushing the flaps to the side and ghosting over the chiseled muscles hidden underneath. Levi's stomach jolted from the light touch, his breath hitching quietly. My fingers traveled farther down, toying with the trail of fine hairs dusting a path from the navel downwards.

I could hear Levi's breaths quicken, his chest rising quicker than before, and I could feel him pushing against the hold I had on him but unable to break it.

"Are you liking this Levi?" I teased, unbuckling his pants and dragging the zipper down.

Levi gulped, stomach clenching in anticipation.

"I wanted to try something new today, and since it's always you in charge, I decided it was about time I gave you a break."

I grinned at his hardened state, poking it while asking if he liked it again.

Levi growled, trying to buck his hips into my hand but I easily held him down.

" _Fuck_ ," he ground out in frustration, "yes I fucking like it! Now hurry the fuck up!"

I almost cackled.

Forgoing any further teasing I yanked the remaining clothing covering Levi's dick down, watching fascinated for a moment at the member sprung to attention before pulling out all the stops. I quickly repositioned myself, finding a more comfortable position for what I was about to do.

" _Ngh-_ _ **AH!**_ "

Music to my ears.

Levi tried to buck into my mouth, his gruff voice coming out in grunts and huffs. Looking up I could see his head tilted back and jaw clenched tightly.

Now that just wouldn't do.

I reached up with my free hand, brushing my fingertips over his jaw and up his chin, pressing insistently at the crease of his lips, demanding access. I sucked hard, earning a sharp gasp that allowed my fingers access. Levi hummed and sicked, his legs bending and stretching periodically, not knowing what to do.

With my fingers prying his mouth open I could properly hear every moan and every grunt. My head bobbed as I sucked, twirling my tongue around the head and tracing the veins carefully with the tip. I could hear him growing louder, his half formed words of warning finally reaching me and I quickly pulled off, leaving him to yelp and moan at being left in such an undesirable position.

" _Ngh_...you fuc- _ah_! Fucker!"

I chuckled.

"What is it Levi?" I left his hips to buck uselessly while I removed my pants and underwear. Levi's head shot up to glare at me heatedly but immediately groaned, his eyes hazing over with a different kind of heat.

My slicked fingers scissored prodded my hole, searching and loosening. The first time, when Levi had told me about this, I had been ecstatic to finally know what the hole in my but was for. Humans can be so clever.

My nail brushed a spot inside and I jumped, crying out in pleasure, focusing on not loosing the spot instead of keeping my angel secure.

Almost immediately Levi broke my hold, scrambling up and reaching for my fingers buried knuckle deep in me but I had recovered already. Grabbing hold of his bicep, I tossed him to the side. He hit the wall hard, letting out a short grunt but reaching out to me again unfazed.

I slapped his hand away, pulling my own from my prepared hole before slamming into him, chests pressed together and my face hovering just inches above his.

Levi's eyes sparkled.

" _Fuck_ you're so **hot** "

And with that, I quickly guided him.

Needless to say, Levi didn't get back to his room 'till silver light drifted in and ricocheted off the small pond.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

OMAKE — Trust

Steam rose as I did. Long hair and a hooked nose raised to the sky as I roared a challenge to the surrounding enemies. Levi sat in my palm breathing heavily with wounds all over his body.

I observed my surroundings.

Titans crowded around, roaring and groaning, shuffling closer every second.

Levi was in no condition to fight and I couldn't exactly right with him in my hand. There was only one way to do this without dying and he's definitely not going to like it.

I raised Levi so he was level with my mouth, gesturing quickly with my other hand what my plan was.

I was right. He did not like it at all.

"No" was his simple answer.

I gestured again more quickly to show the urgency but he just shook his head hard.

"No...no, I can't. I can-I really can't, Eren. I-I remember how..." He looked up, his eyes unusually wide with past memories of someone else he'd seen inside the stomach of a titan.

I grunted, purring as I brushed the tip of my finger over his small black head. I stared into his eyes, pleading with him to understand and to trust me. I would never do anything to hurt him and this was the only way.

I could see his struggle. The internal battle fraying his nerves. I could see him shake.

He gripped his hand, beating it once, twice on my own before looking back into my eyes and nodding. I opened my mouth watching carefully as he took in deep breaths before I tipped him into my mouth.

He landed softly on my tongue, his blood already coating my taste buds, causing me to shiver.

Fuck he tastes good.

A roar broke me out of my hazy pleasure, letting me once again focus on the hoard of titans locked on to me. I prepared myself and swallowed.

I could feel Levi twist and turn as he fell, probably terrified but refusing to make a sound.

I set my stance and glared at the oncoming enemies. The first few were easy but more and more kept coming. Chunks of flesh were torn from my arms and back but I kept on.

A small group teamed up and managed to pin me. I was on the ground, curled into a ball to protect my stomach, to protect my frightened and wounded angel.

My wonderful angel who I could feel gently caressing the lining of my insides.

I cradled my belly, willing the same comfort Levi was trying to give onto Levi himself, assuring him that I would get us back in one piece, back hone where I would be able to lie with him in the sun and see the smiles and hear the laughs only I got to see or hear.

I surged upwards, bursts of adrenaline and determination fueling my tiered and weathered body as I fought for my little human, protected inside me, showing the great amount he trusts me.

As I fought, I swear I could feel tiny little arms trying yo wrap me up from the inside.

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 **Note:**

 **Fuck this. I feel like I failed at writing this vore. I was going for the emotional/trust one but I'm sure I got it wrong. For the person who asked for it, feel free to give pointers or tips on how to write better vore or just give me a scenario if you wish to request vore again.**

 **Just to let you all know, I'm still taking requests so if any of you have a scenario you want or would want to re-request a scenario, feel free and I'll try to do my best.**

 **PS: Sorry if this shit sucked. ;_;**


	15. Life With You (Part 8)

**Kekekekekeeeeee ;) I was so excited about this chapter I had to post it! Finally, not only does the plot move forwards but I finally get to write the pain! Sorry about the confusion of the last chapter, the last bit that was under OMAKE was meant as a bonus or crack thing to answer someone's request so...sorry. I might use something similar in the future though. Anyways, please review and tell me what you think! I really wanna see how you guys take him.**

 _ **Sincerely,**_

 _ **Shado on'nanoko.**_

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I stared at the titan, my face frozen in a serious scowl.

Recently...actually, for a while now, more and more titans keep wandering into my territory which had never happened before. All lower class titans knew to stay away from the higher class territories. Though they don't have a solid thought process they ha always seemed to sense where it began and whether or not they could go in. But now...it didn't make sense.

I heard a shout, looking down I saw Levi waving, gesturing for me to come down. I swung off the branch, wasting no time with fancy maneuvers and simply relishing in the way my long brown hair whipped around my face.

"You're getting better." He mumbled the moment I landed. "You might even be better than most of the Scouts." I beamed at the praise, punching him in the arm when he snorted at my goofy grin. "Well," I mused, "I probably get a lot more practice with titans than they do. Not to mention I had a great teacher." I could practically see Levi's ego growing as he smirked at nothing. This time I was the one who snorted and got hit.

I caught his hand as he was pulling back and twined our fingers together, sighing contently as I let my worries slip away for another moment.

Sadly they couldn't stay away.

Levi squeezed my hand and pulled me close. I rested my head on his, breathing in deeply, basking in my angels unique scent.

"I think it's time I took you to the walls."

Suddenly all the air in me rushed out at once and I was left gasping and confused.

"What?" I almost gasped, trying to push my way out of the hug so I could see his face and figure out how he had come to such a decision. I remember his saying that he would take me there one day but that was such a long time ago I had thought he had forgotten, why now?

"No!"

Levi sighed, "Eren, come o-" "No, I can't Levi!"

Fuck, I wasn't ready. I couldn't do this. Being around Levi was alright, I had gotten used to used to his scent and since it was only him, I wasn't overwhelmed but...there were so many people inside the walls. How would I get food? Would I be too overwhelmed by the scent of humans that I'd loose control?

My breathing was heavy and ragged, a wheezy sort of whistle screeching out with every breath. Levi heard and immediately pulled back. "Eren? Are you alright?" He asked. My vision was growing fuzzy and for a second I was jolted with a new strike of fear. What was happening? Was I changing? In front of Levi?

My head snapped back and the forwards again. The haze cleared and I could clearly see Levi's face in all of its worry-lined glory. He searched my eyes for something and sighed when he found it. Slowly he lowered me to the ground, rubbing my back comfortingly as I calmed down.

"Wh-why now?" I asked, still a little out of breath. Levi looked at me and, deeming that I was ready to keep talking about this, continued. "There's been way more titans showing up here these past few months than usual." I stiffened, so he had noticed too. Damn. I have a feeling I know where this' going. "And," he continued, "this place might not be a safe as it once was so..." He trailed of, maybe not willing to finish the sentence in fear that I might fall into another panic. I knew what he was going to say though. It was a good idea in his mind and, if I was anyone else, I would agree with it, but... "But-" "Don't try excuses like you don't know how to act around people, don't know how things work in the walls or shit like that. The past couple of years I've taught you a whole bunch of shit that you can use to live in the walls, not to mention, you won't be alone the whole time."

He was right. The amount of time I've spent at HQ has allowed me to see how people interact so I think I'd be able to handle being around a large amount of people. Not to mention I've been to a human village before so why am I so anxious?

Because with the walls there'll be no way out, no escape if needed.

That's what's so terrifying.

"I'll make some room in one of the carts so I can sneak you in but you'll have to be quiet, non of your usual fucking loud footsteps."

He gave me one last pat on the back before smoothly standing up, brushing grass and invisible dirt off of his pants.

"Bu-" "Take off your harness, I need to go back now to help pack." He cut me off, pulling me up to stand beside him before quickly tugging the soft leather out of their loops and slipping each strap off my frame. I tried to get his attention throughout the process but, unable to find a proper excuse to not go, I just stumbled over my words. He reversed the process on himself and soon he stood in the clearing, back ramrod straight and giving off the air of one called Humanities Strongest.

"I'll be back tomorrow to get you so you better be ready." He leaned in, pecking me on the lips and lightly brushing a hand through my nest of hair. "Love you."

It was said quickly and, just as quickly, he let wires fly and whistled into the air, leaving only steam behind and me stammering already failing excuses.

 **Fuck**.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The next day arrived and there I was, pacing back and forth in front of the mouth of my cave debating with myself.

"Should I tell him? It would be a sure way to get him to let me stay here but...would he ever come back?" I shuddered at the thought. No, I couldn't tell him. I don't want to see his face twisted in disgust and have it directed at me.

But,

He loves me, doesn't he?

He would surely still love me even after I told him.

Right?

Right. So...should I?

Yeah.

I will. I nodded to myself, stopping in my quest to burn a path into the grass to face my cave.

"When he gets here, I'll tell him. I'll finally tell hi-"

* _SNAP_ *

I froze.

The sound had come from behind and, usually, I would think it was Levi but...whatever it was wasn't Levi.

It smelled rotten, like someone had left a diseased carcass in the sun for too long. The smell climbed into my nose and sat, making me retch. I whipped around, my eyes already searching for the origin of the foreign scent, jumping from bush to tree to in between but finding nothing until...

 _Fingers_

Long, spindly and bony fingers curled lightly around the trunk of a tree, gently brushing the bark with their grey skin-toned tips.

I stared, shaking with fear because whatever this thing was it wasn't human and it wasn't a titan so whatthe _hell_ couldit _ **be**_?!

The fingers creaked, lifting just inches off the rough bark, causing my heart to leap into my throat and my stomach to collapse inwards. It furled upwards and back, the pop of its joints audible even from my distance as it creeped into the shadow of the tree, slipping out of sight.

My fear reached its peak, tipping over and forcing me to turn and run. I raced into my cave, searching for the security it had always given me before that...that thing(!) appeared. My chest heave with gulpfulls of air as I collapsed on my bed, the soft grasses brushing against me but I couldn't feel the comfort they usually gave. My eyes darted from each rock, from each shadow to the opening of the tunnels. I cursed myself for coming here when there was only one way in or out.

I should have transformed!

I should have run to HQ and told Levi!

Why was this happening now?

I whimpered, pulling my knees to my chest and winding my arms around them. I could feel the tremors rolling through my body as I stuttered over memories of Levi and I, of the times he laughed, of the times we kissed and twined our bodies in heated passion.

Why was I thinking about these things? Why do I feel the need to remember everything about my angel because I might not be able to-

It was at that moment that I realized that what was trembling wasn't me, it was the cave.

I looked up as shadows blocked the light from the hole in the ceiling as loos rocks shook free of the walls.

I didn't even have time to move my hand to my mouth before the ceiling caved in and all I saw was black.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 **Levi POV**

I swung through the trees, trying my hardest to repress the grin blooming into existence on my face. Grins like those were meant to be on the faces of idiot brats who lived in forests.

Ah, it broke free.

Ever since I had met the little shit, Eren had been one hell of a mystery. A really fucking good mystery.

He was naive and excitable, filled with way too much energy for a man his estimated age. Sometimes I could barely keep up with him! But then there were other times, times where he shows his age clearly in the form of depressive wisdom or in unknown looks that never fail to give me chills. Fucking creepy every time.

Then there was the mystery of how he had survived for so long in a titan infested forest or why not as many titans wandered by his particular section of it. It was all so confusing and, _fuck_ , so intriguing.

Eren was an anomaly, one big, bright eyed and sexy anomaly.

Best thing about this anomaly though was that this one was all mine.

I dipped below a thick branch, opting to fling myself through the shaded air of the forest in one move as I though back on all the times I had claimed him as mine. There was the first time where he wiggled and shouted with such honesty and shock that I almost thought I had hurt him until he had almost begged me to continue. Then there were the times after that where he had taken charge and oh how I loved when he did that. His eyes would glow a golden hue as he impaled himself on me and it wouldn't take long for me to break. Not to mention there was the time I had discovered one of his erogenous zones. I was pounding into him from behind when I had grabbed the back of his neck, holding him down. Almost instantly he was clenching around me and moaning wantonly as he came hard.

"Now," I whispered to myself, "I'll get to do that to him in the walls, in our own home."

The thought urged me forwards, my short black hair stinging against my cheeks.

I was coming up on the clearing and I finally stopped trying to tame my face, letting the smile that had already seeped onto my face free. I burst through the greenery, showing off some flashy moves in the hopes the Eren might have been there and seen it.

I landed.

Eren wasn't there.

Neither was the cave though.

In its place was a pile of broken and cracked stone, rocks crushed to dust under what I could only guess were giant feet.

I stared.

Then I moved.

I rushed forwards, hands already reaching out to tear rubble away from more rubble, searching for the cave I knew was under all this crap. I couldn't breath, my eyes searching each and every stone for what I knew would be there if Eren...if Eren...

My nails chipped and my hands tore but I didn't care. If they couldn't help me find Eren then they could fucking fall off for all I care!

My fingers brushed something cool and wet, my heart jumped at the feel.

It wasn't blood, it was the water from the pool.

I was close.

I scrambled across piles of dust and stone, my knees scraped and my arms bleeding from the effort of tearing boulders from their spots. Rocks flew behind me as my patience frayed.

I needed to find Eren.

I needed to know!

My nails brushed water again and I growled, preparing to change directions before...

That wasn't water.

"E – Eren?"

I broke


	16. The Silk Weaver (Part 1)

**We've started a new arc! Thank god, I was growing bored with myself. I'm so glad I finally got to do pain, I'm so fucking happy!**

 **I hope you all know about the image that I uploaded as the cover image for this story that has a hidden message in it. I'm gonna make it very clear that whatever images I upload as the cover will have a clue to something in the story, be it important or not.**

 **Anyways, if you managed to find the clue, you probably aren't that worried and I'm glad you did. Look forward to the next image!**

 ** _Sincerely,_**

 ** _Shado on'nanoko._**

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

~Levi~

His skin was soft, smooth and pliant in my hands. He was always so perfect, too good for someone like me. I brushed my fingers down his arm and threaded them through his, clutching his hand tightly and smiling as he gripped me back.

But he hadn't gripped me back.

His skin, once so perfect and beautiful, was torn and covered with blooming bruises, the crusted blood making it hard to see even a hint of Eren's original skin color. I couldn't see his face because there was no face to be seen. Just the splintered end of his humerus and torn muscles.

My hands, slick with my own blood from tearing at the rocks that had covered the limb and only the limb, trembled.

Where was the rest of him?

Where was my Eren?!

I'LL FUCKING —

Though my inner voice was enraged, my eyes were dead, my mouth hung open to release a chilling moan.

Eren was-

He was-

No

No!

NOT—

"not again"

I had lost another part of my family because of my poor choices. I had lost Eren because of my stupid fucking want for the fucked up fairytale life we lived in this forest!

I should have taken him back immediately.

I should have gotten him 3DMG of his own.

I should'v—

No

I've got to move on, push past this and keep going like I did with Isabel and Farlan.

But how the fuck am I supposed to do that when the person who helped me get over them in the first place is fucking DEAD!

NO

CALM

WHAT WOULD EREN SAY

...

What would he say?

Oh God

Remember

PleaSE!

REMEMBER!

YOU CAN'T FORGET HIM YOU PIECE OF SHIT!

WHAT WOULD HE SAY?

My hands shook with the effort, my mind stretching back to times that he would speak, rambling about things of little importance. How could such stupid things seem so important now?

He would probably say that it's alright.

He would say some stupid thing about how strong I am and that I can get through this, that I have to get through this.

For humanity.

But...

"But Eren...I'm not as strong as you think."

Once I got my body under enough control that I could move I clutched the arm closer to me as I stood.

I couldn't stop the shaking.

I stumbled over jagged rocks, finding my way to the base of a tree before collapsing again. I refused to let go completely so I had to dig with only one hand. My cuts stung as dirt ground into them, making me bleed but otherwise no effect.

By the time I'd finished the hole was deep, black bathing in it and making it seem endless.

I raised the arm, his hand the closest to my face, and I gently laid my last kisses on the tips of his fingers before just as gently lowering what was left of my life into a hole dug by my bleeding hand.

I could feel my eyes burning, tears pushing at their backs and spilling forwards as I brushed dirt over the bloodied appendage. I sat there for a moment after, staring at the rough mound of dirt that was the only thing left to signify Eren's life.

It wasn't enough.

My hands shaking and my fingers slipping, I managed to remove my cloak, pulling it around me with a flourish before laying it to rest on top of the mound.

"You were never a monster, you deserve this thing more than me."

I sobbed.

Levi stood.

His eyes dull grey and his figure hunched, he shuffled back to HQ, delaying the departure to the walls and with nothing but his body without a soul.

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 **Note:**

 **The switch in POV was not a mistake. It was my way of showing how Levi is coping(or not coping) with the death of his remaining loved one. I like to think of it as him stepping back from himself and life in general, leaving him free to do anything(like sadistic things, immoral things) without feeling bad about it. Basically, he's shut his conscience off and sealed away the true Levi.**

 **Anyways, see you next time!**


	17. The Silk Weaver (Part 2)

**Sorry for the crappy action and fights. I tried. Plus, sorry for how short it is. Please comment!**

 **Also, another picture has been put up so find the clue!**

 _ **Sincerely,**_

 _ **Shado on'nanoko.**_

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I jolted awake, my eyes snapping open, greeted by the sharp glare of the sun and open grass. I staggered, bewildered and confused.

When did I transform?

How did I get here?

Where is here?

I twisted and turned, observing my surroundings closely and swearing at what I saw. Hoards of titans surrounded me, they pushed and stumbled over each other as they staggered towards...

Oh

The sight of the walls triggered something, a memory of Levi, telling me that he was going to take me to these exact same walls. But what happened after? Why did I transform to come here? Where wa-

Levi!

My head rose sharply, my nose sucking in the sweet scent of my angel. The scent wasn't old, freshly made in fact, which means that Levi had...

My heart clenched.

Obviously, if he hadn't found me by the time he needed to leave, he would have to leave without me but...what if he'd seen ME? What if he'd been so disgusted by me that he left without me, leaving me to follow behind like a lovesick fool?

But...

That's not what really happened...

Was it?

—fingers, knobbly and crooked, grey skin with chipped black nails—

No, it wasn't.

That thing, whatever it was...

I ran to the cave and...was I crushed?

Yes

I remember pain, more pain that I felt in a long time. I remember seeing my arm, or at least my shoulder, crushed and broken under slabs of stone. I remember the equally crushing darkness consuming me, pushing my fear up another level, causing me to scramble and push, pulling frantically on the squashed limb. Skin ripped and tore, bone cracked and snapped until finally I was free. I breathed a sigh of relief but quickly worked myself back up when the steam from my shoulder covered the black around me completely. My hand shook as I raised it to my mouth and bit.

I guess, in my panic, I blacked out.

But that doesn't explain why or how I got here.

The crowd moved, unstable feet running directly towards the wall. They seemed determined, that or more mindless than they usually were. The glaze in their eyes seemed hazier than usual.

The moment we had gotten close enough to see moving speck on top of the wall and my anxiety reached new levels, an explosion of steam billowed in front of the gate.

I stood in jaw dropping awe as HE, one of my own that had sworn to be neutral and to not do exactly what he was doing now!

A wall of skin towered over humanity, raised its leg and smashed open their defense while I just stood there, watching titans poor in like the rain would poor through the hole in the cave. I just stood there as the screaming started, as the roar of human pain battered my mind.

A breeze brushed by, uncaring of the horror going on around it and suddenly-

Levi

I ran, but this time towards the danger and not away. I sprinted to the wall and leapt through the gaping hole, sucking in scents from all around, trying to find my angel and keep him safe. Levi was good, the best, but even this many may be too much for him.

My breath caught when the scent of blood hit my nose. A haze so familiar descended, clouding around my head as hunger gripped my whole being. I staggered forward, searching for the delicious delicacies I had given up long a-

That I had given up.

A shriek broke through, I shook my head and turned.

Two little humans, children, stood in the path of a grinning lower class. One covered the other protectively, shaking like a leaf or like the ground as the titan stomped forwards.

Oh fuck no.

I crouched and sprung straight for the titan, tackling it to the ground and pounding its neck to mush. Standing up I glanced down to make sure the little humans were alright before scanning the far wall for the gate to...was it Maria? Almost immediately I saw the crowds of people and the open gate where large boats sailed over water to get through.

The children stared, frozen most likely, but continued their shaking and quiet shrieking when I stepped closer. I reached out, unfurling my hand to gently brush the back of the one on top. Their shrieking grew louder but it didn't concern me.

It was natural, wasn't it?

Gently I lifted them one by one and placed them in the palm of my hand, careful not to accidentally harm them before straightening and heading toward the boats.

The children sat in my hand, staring up at me as I deflected attacks and saved a few others, collecting a small group in my hand. I dropped them off by the boats to the shock of both the passengers and onlookers. A few titans strayed from the mayhem and wandered a little too close to the boats, prompting me to take them down quickly and efficiently.

The boats glided away from the dock and under the wall but it wasn't over for me yet. Loud footfalls signaled the arrival of the other that was never far behind him. I turned and faced him, refusing to let him take this wall too but he didn't even slow for me. He shot past but I grabbed on. I was dragged across stone and shattered wood, crying out in language he would understand to stop! I tried to hold him back but it was pointless.

Rock, metal and thick wood crashed around me as he plowed through another defense, rendering it as useless as the first.

I screeched.

Digging my heels into loosened stone I managed to yank the bastard back and to the ground, pounding and pounding until my hands shattered, until my arms broke.

I wanted to kill him.

How could he?!

Fucking die!

But-

He blinked, looking up with wide blue eyes that suddenly seemed more clear than before.

I paused.

Wha-

I didn't have time to react before he was pushing me back and crawling back through the wall, running away, almost seeming ashamed. I stared after him, confusion freezing me for a stupid second that was immediately interrupted by more screams of terror when dozens titans climbed through the gate.

I dealt with as many as I could, protecting the boats and saving any humans I could but with the gate permanently open it was a hard task to do. The boats finally escaped immediate danger, floating farther and farther into the distance and leaving me with the perfect opportunity to think of a plan.

First off, I've gotta close up that hole.

The thought made me shudder. If I did that somehow, I wouldn't be able to get back out that easily, but...Levi was here somewhere. He had passed through here that was for sure, which meant he was out if harms way for now but if I didn't stop this now, would he still be in the future?

Knowing him, probably not.

Now, what could stop these drones from slipping in?


	18. The Silk Weaver (Part 3)

**This chapter is still short. Sorry? If you want to see the drawings better and future drawings, see them on my tumblr which is secretly nutty tyrant and they're under Damn Fic-art. Please tell me what you think:)**

 _ **Sincerely,**_

 _ **Shado on'nanoko.**_

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1 Year Later

Levi was tired. In all honesty, he didn't know how long he should keep up the façade. Ever since the walls fell the pressure put on him had risen tenfold. He wasn't just humanities strongest anymore, it wasn't said out loud but he could tell from the way civilians looked at him that they thought of him as their last hope. Humanities last stable defense against the titans. Because he wasn't human, not to them. Levi hadn't been considered human since...well, since Eren.

Erwin thought of him as a soldier, a pawn. Though he saw much more of him than everyone else he couldn't make connections, he needed Levi to perform the hard tasks which meant Levi couldn't be treated like everyone else. Levi honestly didn't think anyone was completely human in Erwin's eyes. How else could he be the one to make the tough decision every time? It was much easier sending men, more like boys and girls actually, on suicide missions when they weren't acknowledged as living, breathing people who had emotions and families.

Hanji was close but didn't understand. Their obsession with all things titan put up a boundary that no one could see over, not even them. He still enjoyed moments in their company despite it but he would never entrust them with everything. They saw him as a friend but never delved deep enough to get an idea of who he was.

There were a few others that he could stand being around but they saw him as The Captain, humanities strongest, and it made him sick. How could he, Levi fucking Ackerman, the thug from the underground with too many scars to count both on his body and in his mind, how could he be the strongest, the one to look up to and strive for?

For Levi, the closest description of him came from the MP, though he was loath to say it. The MP saw him as a wild dog, snapping at their heels whenever they slowed. But that wasn't really him either.

Levi knew he was strong in the physical sense, he knew that he didn't show enough emotion to be seen as vulnerable.

He knew.

He also knew that he was weak, that at the mere sight of turquoise eyes he'd break, he knew that the mention of family made him choke and he knew that his rage for the beasts that took both his families would be his downfall.

Levi knew.

He knew because he broke once, after Him.

The wall had fallen, simple morals were being swept under the rug as people poured in from the invaded districts. Things were tense enough without having to deal with the psychological impact of the death of his lover. Christmas came, the 25th of December and Levi couldn't help reminding himself of how the date was now Eren's too. The pain hit him hard and he didn't leave his room for days. He raged and sobbed and pleaded, tearing apart his room and not caring enough to clean it up even though since the moment he had returned with Eren's blood on his hands he had been more forceful than ever in his battle against filth, washing over and over again to get the blood that lingered even then off his hands.

It was early January when he stepped back into the public eye.

He'd never told him, never thought it was important to tell him and even if he was there then, Levi still probably wouldn't tell him.

Though Eren called him Angel, he never did stop calling him his little human, it was just used less. Levi would never admit that he loved when he called him that. He loved when he was acknowledged as a human, when he was made to remember that he wasn't invincible, that he couldn't and shouldn't take the weight the population placed on him.

It reminded Levi that he was equal with everyone else, no better than any other.

And, for Levi, being equal with Eren was a blessing.

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The gate creaked open and Levi could practically feel the new soldiers quaking in their boots around him. They weren't trained well, they weren't ready for battle.

It was meant to be a slaughter, simple as that.

The worst thing, everyone in the crowd knew it. Every soldier knew they were being sent out in the hopes that they'd die and every civilian on the sidelines were hoping, secretly, that most of them would.

Levi would spit on them if he didn't shudder at even the thought of the act.

The call to charge came quickly after and Levi set his horse into motion, the herd of horses and people shot through the slot under the gate into a place that used to be safe and the beloved home of all who had been recently drafted. Levi didn't turn his head when he heard a quiet shaking sob, too used to new recruits freaking out on their first outing. Not to mention, it was almost a guarantee that most, if not all of them would die on this one mission.

It was suicide.

The gate slammed closed behind them and almost immediately they were swarmed by titans. The horses bucked, screaming out their fear as their fellows were trampled and their masters taken. Their formation broke and survivors scattered across the hostile land, hoping to get away from the hoard and to somewhere safer. Many were chased down, not making the mad dash.

Levi yelled, barking out commands and orders to follow him, to head farther into the town where the buildings would be taller, allowing for better movement in the gear. He managed to wrangle two supplies carts and 30+ soldiers into following as he swung out of his saddle, using one of the large oafs bodies as an anchor for his wires and whipped around, flying through the air and cutting flesh on his way. As he paused he took a chance to glance down, sighing at the familiar nightmare painted across the stone and packed dirt.

Levi frowned. The cycle was starting again. At least, this time, attachments hadn't been made.

At least this time he didn't feel anything.

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The cluster of soldiers huddled together in a shallow cave, a remnant of the underground. Soft wails echoed off the stone but were ignored. Everyone felt the same heavy cloud of defeat and depression. Some just expressed it differently and they couldn't be blamed for that.

They had survived the first day.

They were due back in three months.

Levi couldn't help but scan the crowd and count, noticing how, in only the first day, more than half of the very green soldiers were gone. This was assuming they hadn't found shelter somewhere with food.

It did not bode well for the future.

He settled, leaning up against a supplies cart, keeping an eye on the food just in case. He had already handed out some rations earlier but he could never be too careful.

Levi couldn't help but feel sorry for them. They huddled around each other, seeking comfort in touch. Most of them were farmers, cooks, small merchants or even housewives, they didn't know how to fight. They had been thrown in unwillingly, forced to fight like gladiators, scrambling to earn the right to go back home.

A woman with apple red hair sat by the entrance, curled up like a ball but her face was determined unlike the rest. She observed him, watching his every move and expression. Levi watched her. She seemed like a woman with a strong will, a straight moral compass and the bravery to follow through.

Levi quirked a brow.

"What's your plan?"

Her voice was deeper that one would have thought. It wasn't hoarse or as deep as a mans but it was low and smooth, the perfect voice for calming.

"To keep you all alive for as long as I can."

She seemed to be expecting the answer, satisfied with whatever showed on my face or in my eyes.

"They say you're humanities strongest, I didn't believe it." She started again. Her smooth tone floating through the squished bodies and drawing attention. "After what I saw today, the way to took control and defended, I believe it now."

Her hazel eyes pierced deep, locking on and studying. Levi sighed.

"I don't care what you think of me. All I need it for you to trust me enough to follow my orders so I can get at least most of you lot out."

An uncomfortable ripple went through the crowd, causing unease and awkward shuffling but the woman didn't react. She just blinked and tipped the corner of her lips, the small smile lighting the mood.

"You're a good man, Captain."

Levi didn't answer at first, not believing the offered words one bit. He was certain that if she knew what he was, she would gladly toss him to the titans if she could. But the woman was smart, clam and collected. She observed and had a strong will which would beat physical strength any day. So, when he did answer he said,

"Call me Levi."


	19. The Silk Weaver (Part 4)

**Hey, I just wanna say thank you to all of you who've reviewed, favorites or followed this story. It makes me so happy that people enjoy this because I really enjoy writing it and communicating with all of you. Thanks a bunch:) Don't forget to check out the drawings on my tumblr if only to find the clues in them. The info was posted in the previous chapter.**

 **Please review! Love to hear from you;)**

 ** _Sincerely,_**

 ** _Shado on'nanoko._**

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Eren

I had waited a long time. I didn't know how long, I had tried to count the days but a little after sixty they had started blending together. I spent my time wandering, observing the interior of wall Maria with fascinated eyes. The little houses looked so nice and homey, perfect for a little human family to live in.

I had searched for humans, making sure to stay close enough to the fading scent of Levi, but hadn't found any alive, only splatters and bits. Hunger threatened to tempt me into picking any of the bits up and eating them, bringing an end to my non human diet. Instead, I found myself attacking other titans for food, not that that's different from what I did before but this time it was different.

Plenty of titans had poured through the gate in the beginning but...well, they weren't anymore. Over the days, weeks, months, I had taken down and eaten dozens of titans and it was getting harder to find more.

More than a few times I visited the gate to the next wall. There were more titans there and I knew, I knew that Levi was in there somewhere.

It hurt to wait.

I wanted to be with him so much but I couldn't get through the gate or over the wall so that left me waiting and watching.

I couldn't help reminding myself that this was how it was before, before Levi.

I couldn't help thinking that that's what it would stay to be.

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Levi

It was the fifth day and Levi had somehow managed to keep the majority of the group alive. Everyone was stretched a little too thin, nervous energy causing what's left of the original group to twitch, stutter and pace. Every now and then a heavy cloud of depression would blanked them, pushing everyone to their knees to clutch their heads while mumbling incoherently.

Levi busied himself with counting supplies, inspecting equipment and taking lookout duty. There weren't as many titans as originally thought. They had all converged by the gate and so, once they got away from it there was a significant drop in titan encounters.

The quiet unsettled him. Apparently the whole gate had been smashed open, leaving a gaping hole for titans of any size to waltz right in, which meant that there should be a crap load of titans wandering around like giant fucking kids. But instead, they found themselves alone in a bubble of frozen time where the landscape refused to change from dystopian destruction.

Everything was calm and everything was good but Levi knew from a fuck load of experience that calm always comes before the storm.

It's better to be cautious than dead.

Levi looked up, catching cherry colored hair in the corner of his eye and immediately barked for her to stop. She turned and set her new wrinkles folding over each other. "What is it?"

"Red, I need you to ask around, see how everyone's doing and report to me if you think one of them is gonna do something fucking stupid like kill themselves or run off." The order was blunt and made the woman scowl.

"Where's my 'please'?"

Levi stared.

"...Red, I need you to ask–" The growl she forced out was rough and low, embodying her exasperation.

"Will you at least stop calling me that? It isn't my name, it's Patricia."

Her hands had moved to her hips in a power pose, maybe hoping to use it to change his treatment of her and everyone in general.

He rolled his eyes, looking away as he said, "Does it look like I give a fuck what your name is? It's not exactly the most important thing right now."

She huffed gruffly, throwing her hands into the air with lifted eyes as in to say 'I give up'!

"Your worse than my daughter, and she's a young girl in the middle of puberty! You're a what, twenty nine year old? May the walls have mercy!" With that she stomped away.

An hour or so later she returned with her report on the squads mental state. It all seemed to be the usual sentiments of fear and determination but was finished off with her stating that she herself might do something stupid. Levi raised a brow at her obvious bait but asked what it was anyway.

"I might just kill you, Levi."

Levi almost laughed.

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From where he stood, Levi could see a little past the gate town. The sun had just risen, casting a warm orange glow over the scattered debris and lighting up dew drops perched on whatever they could. Levi had taken the time to soak it in, to revel in the beauty of the earth before getting back to work. The squad was in the building he stood on, a chapel that still had its spire. They hadn't met any titans for a few days and decided to move from caves to actual buildings.

Levi observed the surrounding area, spotting some faraway movement but nothing too concerning. He was just about to swing down from the tip of the spire when something caught his eye.

A little southeast from him there was frantic movement. Large forms crashing together, ricocheting off each other before slamming together again. One raised what seemed to be its leg and swiftly took down the other.

Levi swore.

He shot off the steeple, shooting out his grapples and swinging through and open window. He rushed to the sanctuary, belting out orders as he went.

"GET UP YOU SHITS! GET YOUR GEAR AND PREPARE FOR ANYTHING!"

Groans were heard but many jumped to their feet, having learned to trust and do what he said when he said it. Patricia slid to his side, fully dressed and packed, ready for action. She asked what had happened and all Levi had to say was 'aberrant' and she was rushing off to help with others. They were up and out of the church within five minutes, running in the opposite direction of the fighting titan.

Though Levi found himself wondering why it killed its own kind.

In the middle of fleeing, someone's equipment malfunctioned. The man screamed, reaching out as he plummeted from the roof tops. Levi was too far to do anything, having taken the rear just in case, the farthest away from the unlucky soldier.

Patricia wasn't, she had taken the front.

She screamed with the boy, practically throwing herself after him and almost forgetting to grapple. She reached his hand, gripping it as hard as she could, trying not to wince at the sharp crack his arm made. It didn't take long for Levi to arrive, helping her pull him back up and set him down on the roof to examine his injuries.

The boy(couldn't be older than 17) whimpered when Levi turned his arm, deducing he had a broken wrist and a dislocated shoulder, possibly some tearing, and declaring that he wouldn't be able to use the gear for a while. The boy looked terrified, white as a sheet. He started sweating bullets and Levi had to let go. He ordered a more experienced healer to tend to the kid while he focused in on Patricia who was standing to the side, eyes shadowed and sad. She brushed her hand through her short hair, pushing her bangs back while turning away.

Levi strode to her, coming up on her side to face the same way she was, not saying anything, allowing her the first word.

"He won't last, will he." She said, voice low.

Levi didn't answer.

"With that arm...he might not even last the week."

"No," He finally said. She turned her head to look at him, hope rising and he almost hated to crush it. "He won't."

Her eyes watered and turned as red as her hair. Her mouth turned down and her lip quivered but she tried to stop it by pinching it between her teeth.

"Should I have just let him fall? Would it have been better? Maybe that way he wouldn't have to suffer."

Levi hummed. It was possible of course, but they wouldn't know.

"You made a choice that you believed was right and this was the outcome, deal with it. You don't know what could have happened and it won't so why think about it?"

She whimpered and curled her shoulder into herself, making Levi realize for the first time how tall she was. She towered over everyone usually, but with her back bending under defeat, regret and misery, she seemed as small as him.

"Hey, Red."

She sniffled but looked up.

"What's your last name?"

At first she stared but eventually she grew a small smile, wiping the bits of liquid from her eyes before straightening up and beaming down at him.

"Ral."


	20. The Silk Weaver (Part 5)

**I hope that some of you have managed to guess who Patricia is, I'm really enjoying writing her. Thank you everyone who's reviewed, you guys are the best and I love you all! This chapter doesn't really move the plot forwards but there is some infirmation in it that might be useful to know in the future. Hope you all enjoy it and make sure to tell me what you think!**

 _ **Sincerely,**_

 _ **Shado on'nanoko.**_

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Eren

It was a sharp jolt, a sudden realization that hit me like lightning, sending my back ramrod straight. I hadn't noticed at first, being so used to it, but when I really focused it was glaringly obvious.

Levi's scent was growing stronger.

Originally, I could smell where he'd gone, a fairly straight line from one gate to the other, that slowly faded with time. But now there were little whiffs of him in places that were very out of the way of the original path. That could only mean one thing, that Levi had left the walls and was roaming Maria.

The thought shot a thrill trembling through me but was quickly tamped down as the implication hit me full force. Though there were less titans in Maria than there were before, there were still too many for humans to handle, even Levi. It was even harder when trying to look after a group of people which I knew my Levi was doing from the dozen other scents drifting around his.

With a heavy heart I followed the scents, pleading with whatever would listen that Levi was still okay by the time I reached him.

It took days to find a place where Levi had been very recently, the smell stronger than anywhere else. My search was halted every now and again when another titan would cross my path and, with fear for my human at the forefront of my mind, I would lash out, attack them and fight until only steam was left.

The most recent encounter was by a town directly in front of the gate into, was it Rose that was next? The titan moved faster that others and was more agile, a higher class. We fought, it getting in a fee hits but I ultimately won with a sharp kick, taking its head off in the process. I stayed by the rising steam, ripping off large chunks of flesh to sate my rapidly growing hunger. I finished the small meal and turned to continue my mission.

The town lay at my feet, crushed buildings and shattered roads painting a picture of events that'd happened throughout the year it'd been abandoned. I picked and chose my steps carefully, tiptoeing through the tiny streets and empty lots. A church sat in the middle, reaching up to the sky with its sharp roofs and I found myself moving toward it. Before I even registered that the smell of Levi and many others emanated from it. I crouched down, peeking through tiny colored windows with black lines crossing them like spider webs, seeing that no one was there but evidence that someone had been I stood and inhaled deeply through my nose.

I had just missed him.

I wouldn't let it happen again.

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Levi

The group moved around more than before, changing location every day or so. The members would grumble and groan but knew it was the best thing to do.

Supplies had dwindled to a medium pile in the back of a cart, they were quickly loosing gas with all the movement and sustenance was running low. Levi had asked around, gathering intelligence on the surrounding area from those who'd lived there before and discovered a small lake, a pond really, just a little ways from the town which would solve their water shortage.

Everyone was tired and most were already injured but the need for water pushed them all to their feet and walking to the pond so no gas was wasted. So Levi lead his ragtag squad through the town, weaving in and out of side streets and alleys, no sign of any titans. They made it to the edge of town, staring at the long expanse of land where there wouldn't be anywhere for them to take cover. They had lost their horses very early, the animals were either trampled or ran away, which meant they would have to trek the bare landscape on foot, exposing themselves for even longer periods of time. It was a risk, but a risk they needed to take.

Levi didn't make some grand speech, that wasn't his shtick, more like Erwins', the damn eyebrow. Instead, he signaled to Red and started on his way, behind him he could hear her strong and smooth voice spouting random reassurances and encouragements to the flock. They set out towards the small cluster of trees where the pond was supposed to be, Levi focused on only the mission, pushing the group to their limits while Red rushed around and fretted. Levi would stop them after a while, letting the exhausted soldiers fall to the ground and rest but didn't move to sit himself. His soldiers eyed him curiously and whispered about how strong and how unflappable their captain was. How lucky they were that Humanities Strongest was commanding them.

The sun continued to sink into the far away horizon, granting the patch of humans on the ground a break from its strong rays that beat down upon them mercilessly. Sweat poured down brows and seeped into shirts. Levi grimaced when he felt his shirt plastered to his back and his pits cool whenever a breeze brushed by but the relief was momentary since immediately after he felt the jolt of shockingly cold sweat shoot through him. He itched to take off the offending shirt but knew it really wouldn't help anything. They were coming up on the small grove of trees, their shadows falling over the group, causing everyone to sigh in relief.

It took a little wandering but they eventually found the pond and collapsed by it, some rushing to it to fill up their dusty canteens. Levi hung back, waiting and making sure that everyone filled their own canteen before filling his.

When he finally approached the waters edge, Red sidled up beside him.

"You're human too, you know."

The sentence shot through Levi like lightning, dragging Levi back in time to another forest, with another person beside him. Another person who called hi-me human. My Ere-

"What are you blabbering about?"

His voice was steady, not betraying any of his true emotion. Red sighed, screwing the cap on her canteen and setting it down between them.

"When I was younger, I thought I was invincible."

"What?"

"Just listen."

So Levi listened, dunking his canteen back into the water so he would have something other that Red to focus on.

"I thought I was invincible because I was tall for my age and stronger than all the boys in my village. No one messed with me and so I never had to worry about going out alone at late hours."

She paused and Levi chanced a glance from the corner of his eye and could guess where the story was going from the look on her face. Suddenly, he didn't think he wanted to hear this story. She swallowed hard but continued.

"I was thirteen and it was late, I was going out to fetch some water, like we're doing now." She gestured to Levi's canteen still submerged in the shimmering liquid. "I wasn't paying attention they got me from behind. Where was my height and strength then? I wasn't very conscious after that." Neither said anything for a while after that but Levi knew the story wasn't done.

"I was sold a few times over the years. I was a slave, a pet for five years of my life until life brought me to a small town just a little ways from Trost. My owners at the time were very...public with their discipline and many people saw, so many."

Her eyes glossed over and her voice grew soft, distant, like she was back in her nightmare.

"That night a boy, no, a man with the belief and innocence of a boy, snuck in. He found me naked in my cage and broke me free, he pulled me out of that place and took me to his own home, fed me with his own food and clothed me with his own clothes. I think that's when I fell in love with him."

A smile was back on her face, small but happy and Levi couldn't help but wonder who her husband was.

"A lot of people had seen me with my owner that time and so he knew we couldn't stay there. He took me deeper into Rose, made a home for us closer to the Sina gate and that's where we started our new lives. I thought it was all over...but then I found out I was pregnant and I knew, I knew it wasn't his.

I didn't want to keep it, it was only a reminder of those hellish years and so I hid it from him, I tried to deal with it on my own, I even tried self abortion." Levi almost winced, it was getting fucking deep. "But he eventually found out, I don't know how I'd thought keeping it hidden would ever work. He stopped me, told me it was going to be okay and asked if I loved him. I thought he was questioning me out of doubt but that wasn't it. He said that if I loved him and would never wish to have the child of another man on purpose, then the child was his. He pulled me up and supported me, we worked together and soon enough, a little angel with caramel colored hair came into the world."

She turned to Levi abruptly, causing him to shift away.

"You can't keep everything on your shoulders, you can't do everything alone. You're humanities strongest, yes, but when you think about it, human is in that title and no human should have to work alone for the greater good, sacrificing themselves for others that were too lazy to pick up the slack." Her eyes bore into him, burning a hole with righteous anger so she could implant some righteous common sense.

"Trust others more and take a break every now and then." She started to turn away but was stopped by Levi's reply.

"I have trusted people, but they're all dead."

She turned back, eyes a little wide with pity and sympathy. Levi looked away.

"My whole family's dead, my family from before. You know what I do when I feel like I can't handle things anymore? I sit someplace quiet, imagine their faces, their voices, the color of their hair and I can feel them with me. I talk to them in here," she tapped a finger against her temple, "so it's just for me and them. They live on with you, Levi, they're never truly gone." Levi snorted and Red smiled. "Yeah, look at me going all cheesy. Oh well, there's always the option of trusting someone that's not immediate danger." Levi let the corner of his lips tip up.

"Where would be the fun in that?"

Red nodded sagely, "You're right, not enough danger and excitement for a worry wart like you."

This time Levi did laugh, finally pulling his canteen from the water and closing his eyes, enjoying the passing breeze. He heard shuffling and turned to see Red rising and weaving her way through the exhausted maze of soldiers, kneeling every once and a while to check on the more severely wounded, smiling and soothing battered spirits with her calm demeanor. No matter who it was, how tired or hurt they were, everyone managed to smile back.


	21. The Silk Weaver (Part 6)

**Hello again, I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who reviewed, they're such wonderful reviews and I love you all. I posted a new picture on my tumblr that goes with this chapter so if you want to see it, it's on Damn Fic-art and I'm secretlynuttytyrant. If you do want to see the image, read the chapter first. Please tell me what you think about this chapter! Love you all**

 _ **Sincerely,**_

 _ **Shado on'nanoko.**_

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Levi

The weeks had passed slowly, like a cautious child would peel off a band-aid. Pinpricks of pain sprouting up every once in a while. They would return to the pond every now and then to refill their canteens and extra jugs but continued to move around so titans were less likely to find them. Levi had managed to keep what was left of the group alive, aided by the lack of titans on their travels.

The number of titans seemed to be dropping, though it would usually be something to celebrate, Levi wasn't so sure. If the reason for the decrease in titans was that fighting titan, who said it would stop at just titans? With the amount of gas he had left, Levi didn't believe he would be able to take the insane titan on without being severely injured or killed. He just hoped that they wouldn't run into the berserker anytime soon.

The five months had run out and the squad started the trek back to the Rose gate, hurrying for the fear that it would close with them on the wrong side. At the mention of the possibility Levi felt rage boil in the pit of his stomach. If the shits on the wall thought it was a good idea to lock their strongest soldier and his squad out, they had another thing coming. Levi would scale the wall and punch the lights out of anyone who got in his way of opening the gate for his squad.

Red flitted from the front of the group to the back, offering water and food to the older soldiers, taking any burden they were carrying from them so they could rest a bit. Levi could hear her telling one of her fantastical stories, entertaining the young and the old and distracting everyone from their worries. They'd just reached the chapel they'd stayed in, the well loved walls now caved in, when one of the younger ones spoke up.

"Mrs Ral?"

Red turned to face him, smiling sweetly and setting her pace to match his.

"I...well, I've thought for a while. Wasn't it only those who came from Maria and Shiganshina that were told to go on this expedition? Why are you and Captain Levi here?"

Patricia threw a glance to the front of the group where Levi hadn't reacted. She figured he hadn't heard.

"Well, when the announcement went out, I was volunteering with the food stands and, when the MP came to take away this sweet old grandma that'd visit me everyday, I told them that I'd go in her place"

Grumbled protests and yelps of why she would do that, she could have been free, she had a choice unlike them. Patricia just waved their comments away, looking up at the greying sky, eyes hazing.

"I don't know why I did it, it just felt like the right thing to do. I didn't even have time to tell my family." No one spoke, only the shuffling of their boots against the worn stone of the road was heard. She seemed to realize that she'd brought everybody down and set about fixing it. Not even one word left her mouth when Levi's voice drifted back to them.

"I joined to make sure those fucking idiots at the top don't get their way. They wanted most, if not everyone to die on this mission, so I'm gonna make sure that doesn't happen"

The reason was blunt and cruel and it made Patricia scowl. Those who were the victims of the higher ups plan frowned, their hope sinking. If Levi, humanities strongest only wanted to save them because of his hatred towards the government and the king, then it was more likely that they'd die. It's hard to do anything fully with a weak resolve.

Levi heard the discord in his ranks, cursing the civilians turned instant soldiers and their delicate sensibilities.

"I..." He waited for everyone to quiet down before continuing. "I volunteered because...it wasn't right...so many..." The truth grated against his throat, digging in its heels and resisted being told. The group mumbled their agreements and thanks then quieted down, focusing on their destination.

Levi didn't mention how he hadn't had anything left, no reason.

He didn't tell them how it's what someone he used to know would do.

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The soft thump thump and the slight shake of the ground brought everyone to a stop. Nervous glances were thrown around, silently asking what it was and pleading that it wasn't what they thought. Levi knew, only one thing made a noise like that.

As the thumping grew louder and his soldiers began to shake, Levi gave out his order. Break into groups but continue towards the gate. Everyone nodded and then jumped in separate directions, groups splitting off then heading to the gate. Levi hung back, covering everyone and watching their progress. He kept an eye trained behind them for the titan but couldn't see anything, it unsettled him. They should be able to see the titan already unless...

Sometimes Levi hated being right.

To the left of them, through the skeletons of houses, Levi saw a flash of movement.

"FROM THE LEFT!"

The minute he'd said it the aberrant crawling on all fours broke through crumbling structures and lept into their path. A few soldiers shrieked and tried to go around, some getting away but a few were plucked from the air and crushed, gobbled up greedily by the smiling maw of the titan. Levi raced forwards, saving as many as he could without using up the rest of his gas and shouting at the rest to keep going, "don't stop!"

Levi's stomach dropped when, underneath the screams and roars of the titan, soft thump thumps could be heard.

Levi didn't turn to look, choosing to focus on his fleeing squad and the gate ahead. Progress was slow, the need to conserve gas overpowering every other need. If you ran out of gas, you died. From behind, a piercing roar that shook bone sounded and ended abruptly, then loud stomps of giant feet bounded closer. Risking a glance back Levi saw rising steam from the crawling aberrant and the fighting titan right on their heels.

Levi swore.

"Group 3, veer to the right! Group 1, go left! Do not engage! Group 2, you're with me!"

The groups split off, Levi and his group staying in front of the titan while the rest shot off to the sides. Levi conjured up a plan, spreading it to the members of group 2 and then waited for the perfect moment to strike.

Houses blew past and the titan got closer, it reached out then waved to the back of its neck, its nape.

It knew where its weak spot was.

The thing was intelligent.

...was it taunting them?

Levi didn't care either way, the thing was too dangerous. Either he somehow managed to kill it then or he and his team somehow outruns it. Neither scenario seemed very plausible but he knew that to do either, he needed to slow the thing down. His group flew to their positions and Levi quickly turned, grabbing the Titan's attention.

The moment he stopped, the Titan stopped too, standing still as a statue except the occasional puff of steam that rose from its teeth. Levi saw the titan wince and the next second, steam rose from its body, collecting above them and set a thin shadow over the scene. Levi watched curiously, forgetting why he'd wanted to distract the Titan and instead stood on a roof unmoving. The titan bowed its head, its shaggy brown hair drifted in front of its face and covered it like a mask. It breathed in...

And fell, Achilles tendons sliced by his soldiers that were busy getting out of the way. The Titan, no longer steaming, immediately covered its nape and growled. Levi stared at the downed Titan, deciding after a moment that it'd take too much gas to wear it down enough that it'd uncover its weakness. He signaled to the others and they all jumped into the air. The Titan mewled behind them and when Levi looked back it had its arm outstretched, reaching for them like all Titans did but without the bloodlust, without the hunger.

Levi shook his head.

He was just imagining things, he was sure.

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They caught up with the other groups close enough to the wall that more and more Titans were making themselves known. Levi ordered everyone to dodge, not engage, but with the number of Titans rising it was getting difficult. He was forced to take some down, saving a few of the elders who were still too slow in their gear.

Levi grimaced.

It didn't look good for them. Gas was running low, people were getting tired, the gate had yet to open and the hoard just kept getting bigger. He'd just resigned himself to the fate of sacrificing himself like a stereotypical hero when commotion erupted behind him. He didn't even have to look to know what it was. A member of his squad turned and yelped.

"I-It's fighting its own!"

Levi sighed. He'd known it would catch up to them at some point but he hadn't thought it would be so soon. He put it aside, the abnormal wasn't endangering his crew yet, it was fighting other Titans which ended up helping them more than hurting them, so Levi pushed on.

A few feet ahead a Titan had stumbled, crushing a house in its fall and causing giant clouds of dust and debris to shoot into the sky. The cloud blanketed them, lowering visibility and elevating chances of getting caught by sticky hands and stupid mistakes. Levi picked his way through carefully, showing some who'd fallen behind him the safe way through.

Levi almost smiled when he broke through the haze, his squad following him out. The gate stood before them, still closed but there nonetheless.

They'd made it.

"Where's Sarah?"

Levi took a moment to squeeze his eyes closed in frustration. Could nothing go right?

"John's not here either!"

Levi turned around, they'd settled on a low roof that was squished between larger houses. A few members of his squad whipped round and round, desperately trying to find their lost comrades. Levi glanced around, noticing the smaller number of people than before.

Where was Red?

"HELP! T-THE ROOF IT—"

The shout came from the remnants of the dust cloud. His squad shrieked and lurched forward, no one wanting to lose another teammate but was stopped by Levi's commanding voice.

"No, everyone stay here and out of sight. Wait for the gate to open and when it does don't wait, go even if I'm not there."

Everyone looked at him confusedly but the looks turned to ones of terror when he shot his cables out and flew into the air. He heard them cry out as he swung away and only hoped that they'd have the intelligence to keep quiet and do what he'd said.

The shouts continued, leading him to the top of a large house where two of his soldiers stood, staring down a large hole. The moment he landed he was accosted by the two soldiers, their voices overlapping the others, making it very hard for Levi to understand anything. He growled at them to shut up because he didn't really need them to tell him anything, he could see what'd happened.

Someone had stepped on a crappy roof, fell and was probably stuck. One look down the hole that extended all the way to the ground floor was all the confirmation he needed. Then the dust finally cleared and Levi sucked in a breath.

Sun bounced off apple red hair that'd become a little grungy and scraggly over the months. Levi didn't hesitate in jumping down.

He could see that she was unconscious, her eyes closed peacefully and face lax. Unconscious, unconscious, unconscious...

One arm was pinned under her body, her legs were completely covered by debris that looked heavy enough to crush. His assumption was proven correct when he caught sight of the trickle of red seeping into her clothes and the settled dust. The moment he landed he fell to his knees, shoving a hand under her nose and waited, waited...

He felt a weak gust tickle his finger, sighing in relief he set about moving the heavy beams and sheets of wood from someone's old life off of her. He heaved and managed to shift something in the pile but was halted by the soft groan from underneath.

"Red?" He lowered himself so he could see. Her eyes crinkled and fluttered before snapping open with a pained gasp.

Her hand scrambled and stretched, skipping across the dirty floor before Levi caught it in his own. She gripped him tight, finally meeting his eyes but her breath stayed as heavy rasps.

Levi didn't try to sooth her, he was never good with words. He instead told her how this would happen, how things would play out.

"I'm going to move as many of those beams as I can, when I say go, you'll have to drag yourself out of there."

He didn't ask her if she needed things clarified because he knew she understood. She was Red. But when he tried to stand up, her hand dragged him back down.

Levi almost growled at her, almost shouted at her because they didn't have time! But he caught the look on her face and the anger left him. Her eyes were wide, shimmering wet and her mouth quivered slightly. For the first time since he met her, Red looked scared.

"M-My legs are—I think my legs a-are broken"

Levi's heart sank.

"You don't kno-" "No, no, I can...I can feel it"

Her usual certainty bleeding over into the dreadful context they found themselves in did nothing to sooth Levi's fraying edges. He started to feel like he knew where this was going.

Her fingers wound around his, her chipped and dirty nails digging into skin.

"I won't last, not even to the gate"

Levi was about to shake his head because he would do it, he would get her there but was cut off by a question.

"You remember that boy, the boy who broke his arm when I saved him?"

Levi nodded.

He did remember, Levi never forgot any of his teammates.

He remembered when the poor kid realized he was hurt bad enough to really worry.

He also remembered how the kid had screamed not even three days later when he died.

Tears welled up on her lashes, her eyes blurring as she pushed through the pain.

"A broken arm is bad, but a broken leg..." She let the sentence hang, knowing she didn't have to finish it. Levi understood. He clutched her hand with both of his, meeting her eyes and said with as much sincerity as he could that "You'll be okay". She shook her head.

"You know better than I do that I'll..." She paused, her voice wavering but she shook her head, grip tightening.

"Levi!" He almost jumped when she shouted, he worried that something had happened but she just continued, face set in a strained playful scowl. "Don't close yourself off so much, make some friends! You're still young so live a little, maybe you should get yourself a girl." She wiggled her eyebrows, a small smirk playing on the tips of her lips but it was quickly washed away with a groan of pain. Levi tried to stand up to move the beams but she pulled him down again, the pain on her face still clear.

"If..." She stopped to breath, it looked like it was getting harder and Levi itched to do something. "If you make it, could you take care of my little girl?" Her face softened into a tiny smile, giving the impression that she was glowing. "She's wanted to join the Survey corps since she was a little girl so you'll probably see her in your ranks very soon" She snapped out of her happy daze and focused back on Levi, her face hardening with determination.

"You will, won't you?" Levi didn't have the heart to say no, he was terrible with kids, but nodded anyways. She beamed at him, trapped under death with broken legs and no future but still beaming at him like she was proud. A flurry of yells could be heard from above but Levi paid them no mind, his focus solely on Patricia.

"It's been an honour serving with you, Sir. You are as strong as they say but they were wrong with everything they said about who you are as a person. You're so much better than they'd said" She sniffles and squeezed her eyes shut, causing the build up of tears to tip over her lashes and down her cheeks. She sucked in air, opening her eyes and looking up, trying to stop the flow. Her voice shook as she continued but her smile was as bright as ever.

"Levi, you-you've come so far a-and I...I want you to know that I'm so prou-"

He hadn't heard the warning.

He'd forgotten the grappling titans just outside the flimsy wood walls. So when a foot came crashing through the roof...

Red seeped into red, reminding Levi once again why making connections was never a good thing.

Suddenly he was back, back when he'd folded himself into a corner for so long that he'd almost become a part of it. To the room where he'd watched and waited for his mother to wake up but instead watched and smelled her body decompose, the air going rancid when her bowels released.

Another one gone.

Looking up, Levi was greeted by the sight of the fighting Titan, its scraggly hair waving and its entire being oblivious to the pain it caused.

Looking down, Levi saw Red pinned under its disgusting foot. He could still feel Patricia's hand in his, he could see her eyes, the usual sparkle gone and their hazel colour tainted with leaked red. The rest of her body that lay under the pile of debris was crushed into a splatter of flattened organs and sprayed blood.

My hands shook.

I didn't cry like I did with Eren, but my breath hitched and ran away, leaving me stuttering and gasping for purchase in my wreck of a life.

Nothing is guaranteed.

Nothing is constant.

No matter how much you wanted it to be.

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Levi stood, staring at the bane of his existence leap forward and attack another passing Titan. He felt someone nudge him, a voice buzzed in his ear but he didn't register them. A rough shove finally broke him out of his daze and he let his eyes slide over to one of the soldiers who'd been by the hole, John.

"The gate's opening"

He noticed that John didn't take his eyes off of Red, his brown eyes as wide as saucers. Levi nodded and shot out a wire, rising through the hole, larger than before, and looked towards the gate. Sure enough, the gate was slowly creaking open but wouldn't stay open for long. He saw the rest of his squad dodging titans and diving through the gate followed by other groups that Levi guessed had managed to survive in some other place.

He gestured for the other two to follow him as he lunged off the roof and towards the gate's opening. They raced across what was left of the town and rolled into Trost heaving and panting. Levi was surrounded by his squad, everyone shouting and whooping until John and Sarah shared the news.

The air surrounding them then was somber, contrasting greatly with the roaring crowd around them as the gate finally closed. Civilians shouted out their false joy at their return and Levi had to restrain himself from growling, quickly growing tired of everyone's fake praise and love.

"Levi!"

The voice was familiar and prompted Levi to turn.

"LEVI!"

He searched the writhing crowds and caught a flash of familiar turquoise. His breath hitched. One of his squad mates jostled him and he lost sight of the beautiful eyes, he searched for them desperately but it was no use. Levi turned back and followed the stream of tired, injured and hungry soldiers, berating himself for getting too close again even when he knew better.


	22. The Silk Weaver (Part 7)

**Patricia is the mother of Petra, she's not Petra with a different name. Just to clear things up. This chapter is a little dark so watch out. It'll get happier...I hope. I'm also trying to figure out if I'm going to do a little bit of Petra bashing(from Eren's pov because he'll be all like "get the fuck away from my Levi") or if I'm just going to leave her be. Tell me what you think in a review or a pm please! Also, people have been wondering when Levi and Eren will meet again and I'm sorry to say that it'll be a while before that happens. I want to develop other characters before reconnecting them again so I can have both of their lives/families that they've built away from each other clash. Hope you enjoy and please review! I love hearing from you all!**

 _ **Sincerely,**_

 _ **Shado on'nanoko.**_

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~Eren~

The crowd writhed around me, jostling and shoving me over and over until I was spat out like cooked meat. Frustration shuddered through me and anger shot up my spine.

I was so close!

I was — he was there, right there!

He could've seen me, would've!

But—

A growl erupted from me, low and feral. Those who were smart enough inched away while others remained gloriously oblivious to my anger and to how easy it would be for me to release it upon them, beat them black and blue for getting in the way.

I'd been so close, a few horse lengths behind Levi when I was pulled aside and shoved into the crowd with a hoarse whisper that I 'shouldn't be pretending to be one of those Scouts, a youngen like you' breathed into me ear. Perhaps it was because I wasn't in a Scout uniform but who the fuck cares when Levi was so close! I almost broke their hand that sat on my shoulder, kneading the muscles there in a gesture that might have been supposed to comfort and sooth, persuade, but only managed to throw wood on the fire.

I'd wrenched my shoulder from their grasp and swam through the bodies, the scent of so many humans in such close quarters threatening to cloud my senses but I shook my head and pushed on. I'd called out to him, ignoring the annoyed looks and sharp words thrown at me for trying to 'kiss up to the strongest'. I saw him turn, search and I opened my mouth again to guide his eyes to me but the crowd swallowed me up in its shift to follow the slow train of survivors.

I tried to catch up, tried to push my way through the throng of people but I couldn't break through without actually breaking them. When I saw the gate to Rose shudder open and slam closed with me on the wrong side again, I let go.

I stumbled away from the crowds yelling both hate and praise at the gate, as if the soldiers could hear them from the other side. Everything was foreign and I couldn't stop the shuddering that took over. I'd seen bits of the things that made up a city from a high vantage point but never fully formed and never with so many people. My breaths quickened and I found myself leaning heavily against the side of a small hut, my chest rising and falling faster and faster with every second.

I was here, alone, a monster tossed in with the cattle—

No, Humans!

They're just like Levi, and they can be befriended. If I stayed with the right pack I might be able to find Levi or at least get through that fucking gate.

I inhaled deeply, held it, and then let it out slow. I needed to stay calm, freaking out would only lead to mistakes and terrible situations. Nodding to myself I pushed off from the hut and shuffled down the finely shapes stones that made up the street.

My boots, the brown military-like ones that Levi had given me, explaining nothing before he promptly shoved them on my freshly scrubbed and socked feet, kicked up dust along the way as they scraped against the smooth stone. My hair hung in oily wires from the lack of baths and a bit longer than usual, I brushed it out of my eyes and looked up. Huts of many sizes, houses, lined the stone street, some seeming in better shape than others. I knew that the streets continued, winding around and around in the walled space like the web of a spider, houses following the lines until extra space was a chore to find.

I had no clue where to start.

In all honesty I was hoping for some sheer dumb luck. For once have the answer fall into my lap without all the trouble and time that came with looking for it. Maybe not in my lap though, that's a bit too-

"HEY THERE! HAVEN'T SEEN YOU AROUND HERE BEFORE, ARE YOU NEW TO THIS PART OF TOWN?"

I jerked back quickly, arms raising defensively before recognizing the stranger as a not very likely threat. He'd stepped right in front of me, large grin in place and voice louder than most. He wrung his hands, occasionally twitching and giving me an overall bad first impression. I was about to turn away when I thought about it.

It was better to start sooner rather than later.

"Yeah, I'm ne-" I'd barely finished mumbling my sentence when the stranger jumped in again.

"Well that's just brilliant! I've got just the thing to welcome you" He gestured for me to follow before slinking off into a nearby house. When he realized I wasn't following, he peeked back out and winked. "Don't worry," he said, "it'll be worth your while"

The guy seemed, admittedly, pretty creepy but I wasn't going to pass up any opportunity to gain any knowledge about the gates, the scouts and where I could many get some meat. I followed him through the door into the small, modest hut and then down a set of stairs leading into a basement. I raised my brows at how fucking suspicious everything was and was beginning to regret the decision to follow the crazy guy when said crazy guy pointed out four other men in the back, two standing guard for each cage.

"Got them a few months back, apparently they're from Shiganshina," The man bent down to tap the bars of one of the cages lightly, a small smug smirk slinking onto his face. "The boy's a good maid of sorts, timid and not very strong but has a good head on his shoulders and does whatever is asked of him" He cast a glance at the other cage, the guards shuffling aside so I could see. "The girls been trained properly. Though she is young she's perfectly capable of taking anything"

I couldn't look away from the shiny glint of the cages but managed a weak 'what?'. The man paused, evidently not expecting me to be so oblivious. "She hasn't taken a real man yet but she's taken in just about every toy to make her open and sensitive enough for a man such as you, I'll let you take them off my hands for only 170 a piece" The stranger oozed confidence and pride, waiting for me to...what, make deal?

I remembered vaguely—not actually vaguely since it'd been repeated so many fucking times but I never really thought about it until then. Levi'd said that people could be monsters too, that the walls were full of pigs and disgusting puss sacks but I'd never really believed him. Levi didn't have the best track record when it came to good interpersonal relationships. But then, standing in a room with people who wanted me to buy children so I could use one as a slave and the other as a-a fucking sex doll!

Suddenly I could see it, the world as Levi saw it. Wouldn't it be better if the sacs were popped?

Fury shot through me, my body shook and my fists clenched. Ignoring the sick men in the room I lowered myself to peek into the cage, the shape of a small human scrunched up against the bars as far away from me as possible came into view.

"Hey," I whispered, making sure to keep my voice soft and calm though my lungs shivered with rage.

"Do you want to stay with these men?"

The figure didn't move.

"Do you want me to get you out? Make you free again?"

The figure stayed still and silent, the room following suit until..

"What are yo-"

"...yes..."

It was the boy, his voice quivering with emotion.

Quick as lightning I lashed out, striking the stranger in his stomach, the Scouts combat training finally coming in handy. The guards barked out in surprise and launched themselves forward. I let the smug, dirty man fall to the ground and grabbed the closest, kneeing him between the legs before shoving him in the path of the others. Two stumbled when he fell into them but the third sidestepped, eyes alive with anger.

Too bad my flame was larger.

Fury burned my skin and I itched to be myself, to squash those pathetic pieces of shit into the dust, but I knew I couldn't do that, a town wasn't the place for a titan to maneuver. Instead I snatched the mans arm out of the air, twisted him around until his back faced me, shoved him to the ground and pulled after placing my foot on his back. The mans arm popped and cracked sickeningly, his scream caused the others to flinch.

By this time the stranger had recovered, his eyes stuck to me with fear.

"Okay," He said, voice shaking. "So she may have had a man or two before but there's no need to get so violent!"

I growled, he yelped.

None would escape me.

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The men lay unconscious, broken and battered, strewn across the damp and dark basement floor. I sat amongst them, breath heavy for reasons that weren't the exertion of the fight.

They were there, so easy to take with no one to miss them. They were scum and many would probably be happy if they were gone. It would be so easy!

I reached out, hands shaking with...fear? Excitement? Need? I clutched the closest limb, raising the palm to my face slowly before ignoring the grime on the skin and lolling out my tongue to run it over the rough palm. My whole being shuddered with pleasure, my eyes rolling back as I bit back a moan.

It'd been so long since I'd had a human, I'd forgotten how fucking delicious they were.

Needed more!

"excuse me..."

The soft voice jolted me out of my near trance like state and I few away from the man I'd been about to devour like I was shooting through the trees with 3DMG. A quick glance at the voice reminded me of the cages and the children inside. For a moment I was overcome with fear.

What'd they see?

What do they know?

"could you...could you open the cages...please..."

A breath of relief rushed through me and I took a moment just to rest my mind, to push the fresh and most definitely inappropriate thoughts away. I rose slowly and padded to the two cages. They looked pretty flimsy on a closer look, most likely unable to hold fully grown men but perfect for weak children. I bent down, pulling the door gently to test its strength before ripping it easily from its hinges and lock. I did the same for the other and watched as the boy with shockingly bright yellow hair crawled from it.

The girl didn't move.

The boy tossed me a grateful glance before scampering over to the girl, peeking through the door and calling to her but receiving no answer. The longer it went, the more desperate and shaky the boys voice grew.

"please...please, Mikasa...I need you..."

The sight was heartbreaking and I couldn't just stand there and do nothing. I knelt beside the boy and reached in but pulled away when the girl, Mikasa, flinched back.

"Hey," I soothed, "I won't hurt you, I promise"

She didn't respond, she shivered in her corner. I dropped my hand and the boy whimpered.

"It's not okay,"

The boy gave me a sharp glance, originally soft eyes hardening, he opened his mouth to probably yell at me but I powered through.

"It's been hard, it's been tough,"

I flipped my hand so my palm faced up, my fingers stretching towards her but staying still, waiting for her to move next.

"It's been tough, but I've got you now, I've got you and I'll protect you, that's a promise"

Silence settled as I held my breath with the blond boy by my side and waited. Seconds ticked by and then minutes but I finally felt the gentle brush of her soft fingers slipping over mine. I pulled her out, folding her in my arms and cradled her close.

She didn't make a noise, unlike the boy who had burst into great whooping and wet sobs the moment she'd passed through the cage door. Her mouth stayed tightly shut but I could feel her shaking in her tatty clothes. I smoothed my hand over her head in an attempt to comfort her then reached out to pull the blond one in as well.

I've got them

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

In the house above I'd left the two kids to sleep. Armin, the boy, hadn't left Mikasa's side the whole time, gripping her hand tight enough that both their fingers turned a stark shade of white. Mikasa hadn't spoken a word. It worried me but I really had no idea what to do in a situation like that so I watched them in silence until they'd fallen asleep.

But without them to monopolize my attention, my thoughts could wander.

They were still in the basement, tied up and just waiting for me.

The lick had tickled my appetite and my stomach rumbled with need and want. It was so fucking strong and I just couldn't resist anymore after all the shit I'd been through.

I was weak.

The stairs creaked each step I took down, almost as if they were trying to warn the men below. I reached the bottom and moved towards the group of still unconscious men but stopped to rock back and forth from my heels to my toes, my last chance to turn back.

But I was so fucking hungry!

The deaths were quick.

I snapped their necks with no trouble at all, stopping all noise that might slip out if they were still alive for what was to come next.

The meal was long.

Blood pooled beneath me, dripping from my mouth that mewled and moaned my pleasure. My nails collected skin and muscle while blood dried in crusted splotches on my hands. Everything was perfect as I ground bones between my teeth and slurped the pooling blood on the floor like an especially tasty drink. Everything was perfect until it was over and realization set in.

Liquid red weighed down my shirt and seeped into my pants, my boots. I scrambled back until I hit the far wall, staring with mounting horror at what I'd done. I'd broken my own rule!

What would Levi say?

The thought made me gag because now, no matter what I'd say, if Levi ever found out what I was he wouldn't hesitate to kill me because I really would be just like all the other titans, unable to resist the lure of human flesh.

I stumbled upstairs, rushing through the house until I found a bucket of water and began scrubbing like a man possessed. My skin, usually a soft brown from what may be a tan or natural, turned bright red from the harsh scrubbing. The color only spurred me on. I needed to get rid of the evidence of my fall, the stumble I took in my determination to never taste a human again. I scratched at my face, copper flecks floating down too innocently for something that came from such a gruesome incident. I'd just managed to tear my shirt from my shoulders when I heard a floorboard squeak.

I froze, eyes darting from the murky water in the bucket to my stained pants.

Fucking shit.

I turned slowly, black glossy hair catching my eye.

"Mikasa," I breathed.

She was taller than I'd originally thought, older, an early teen maybe? Her posture was closed off and her fingers twitched in what I could only guess was nervousness, eventually admitting defeat and began pinching the edge of her dirty and torn shirt.

"What is it?"

My ears buzzed with adrenaline, the presence of the blood and the knowledge of what I'd just done weighing heavily on my mind. It felt like my guilt was scrawled across my face.

Mikasa stepped forward and then hesitated. I dropped my shirt on the counter and turned around fully, watching as her eyes immediately dart to the stains left on my pants. Her face wrinkles a bit as she seems to contemplates something. Finally she comes to a decision, taking carful steps forward until she could lean her forehead against my shoulder and her cold fingers could brush against my stomach. I took the hint and enveloped her in my arms again, anxiety fading slowly.

Armin eventually came tiptoeing around the corner, caught sight of us and immediately drifted towards us, huddling himself in close and buried his face, still covered in light water tracks, between us. I pulled them closer, ignoring their tantalizing scent in favor of comforting them and protecting them.

I needed to get back on track.

I pushed away the thoughts of red stains and the puddles that were still warm just underneath them.

"It's hard, it's tough, but I've got you"

I couldn't tell if I was trying to comfort them or myself.


	23. The Silk Weaver (Part 8)

**So, I've no idea what's going on in canon, I don't read it and am therefore not up to date. I stopped reading almost immediately after I saw Levi and Eren in the same frame because at that time I started reading ereri fics. I became obsessed with ereri and found that I couldn't read the canon anymore because it physically hurt to not see them together. So I only read fics and that's why I don't know the timeline or any of the fine details and it's the reason my story goes off on a whole other track and totally disregards canon. So if I get something wrong, feel free to point it out but do it kindly and know that I probably won't fix it because it goes with what my storyline is. Sorry.**

 **I don't remember where they ended up in the original but for now I'm gonna say that Eren, Mikasa and Armin were in Trost and the cadet's training ground is inside Rose.**

 _ **Sincerely,**_

 _ **Shado on'nanoko.**_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I remembered, back when everything was fine and everything was perfect, when Levi was with me and life was good. I remembered times when Levi would talk about taking me to the walls and his plans for setting up my new life inside. Once I was in the walls I would take Levi's name, Ackerman, and I would tell anyone that asked that I was his 'brother', adopted.

The story would be that we both lived in the underground and grew up together, me taking Levi's last name since I didn't have one. We ran a few scams together and learned how to use 3DMG, got a house and took in Isabel and Farlan. I didn't take part in most of the things Levi and the others did, leading to my name fading into the background and leaving Levi's in the Underground spotlight. It would explain why Erwin didn't know about me when he came to get Levi, and my angel, the lovable and protective being he is, didn't mention me so I wouldn't be forced to fight titans and more than likely die.

I, realizing that Levi and the others hadn't returned, investigated and discovered that they were taken. I then searched the Underground for a few years and then gained access to the surface through a long and complex process that took a few months in itself. Eventually I heard about Levi being humanities strongest but could never manage to get close enough to him or any scout to reunite until...well, the last part's pretty shot now, but the rest of it was still usable unless someone expected me to pick locks or something.

When the blond child(not children, Armin had pouted and stated forcefully that they were in their early teens) asked who I was, I responded as casually as I could that I was 'Eren Ackerman' and that 'I'm not from around here'. Mikasa jumped, surprise written clearly on her face while Armin gasped.

"That's Mikasa's last name too!"

I quickly studied her and, looking closer, she did have a few similarities with Levi. There was the smooth black hair, the silver-like eyes and pale complexion. We hadn't thought of this scenario. So, caught completely off guard, I blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

"Well it's mine too...yup..."

I immediately wanted to bang my head against the wall.

Armin's eyes sparkled with possibilities as he shouted, "You could be related!"

I didn't say yes but I didn't deny it either because Mikasa, buried under the scratchy blanket she seemed to have taken a liking to and huddled deep in the corner of the room, looked so hopeful. I let them believe whatever they wanted, leaving them to come up with their own stories and theories while I relaxed. If they really wanted to know, they could ask and I'd be sure to tell them the fabricated story.

We lived in the house I'd found them, not ideal but there weren't many other options. I blocked off the basement for my own peace of mind, telling them not to go down. There was no need to, they avoided to door like I avoided cooking.

And there in lay a large problem.

Humans eat way too fucking much.

I'd been taught about money and jobs but Levi hadn't really gone into too much detail with those since he'd assumed I'd be with him and would therefore not have to worry about those types of things. But now, since I was alone with two very young humans, I had no clue as to what to do.

How did someone get a job?

Did you just go up and ask any random shop owner for work?

Apparently, according to Armin's long speech and Mikasa's silent nod, that's exactly what you did.

So I ended up strutting down the main street with one kid under my arm in search of a job. It didn't help that I had no prior experience and, after my recent relapse, I wasn't too keen on surrounding myself with humans that hadn't already endeared themselves to me.

Though it took a terribly lengthy amount of time, I managed to find something with some verbal help from Armin. It really wasn't much but it helped with the money situation and they offered a small amount of food for the service every now and again. All I needed to do was carry crates from one place to the other which, with my better than average strength, was simple for me to do.

Everyday I'd wake up early, wander down to the main square and get to work. I'd work from early light till the sun nearly set and, sometimes, Armin would follow to offer me company.

Mikasa wouldn't leave the house.

We'd tried to coax her out, explaining the strange and funny things that we'd seen that day in great detail with exaggerated gestures that made her smile, but no matter what we did, she refused. So we'd leave every morning, wave goodbye to Mikasa who wouldn't even go near the door without her blanket wrapped securely around her thin frame, and be on our way.

Before I knew it, months had passed and I was no closer to reaching Levi.

I realized bitterly that the two kids had taken up too much of my attention, curving my determination to get to Levi into helping them. I shouldn't, I needed Levi and sticking around children who more than likely know nothing wasn't going to help me.

But I just couldn't go.

They needed me and I, I found that I needed them too. They kept me sane, tethered throughout my crisis. I couldn't leave them after saying I'd protect them. So I stayed, went to work, cooked what I managed to buy for the two children, scavenged what I could for myself and asked around about the Scouts. All I got were stories of how amazing yet scary Levi was or how everyone in the Scouts was an idiot and that the whole division should be disbanded. But then, late one day, one of my employers gave me a tip.

"If you want to be in the Scouts so much all you've gotta do is sign up for the academy and then choose the Survey Corp when you graduate" They'd groaned, "Now stop flapping your mouth and get back to work!"

I'm certain I hadn't smiled as wide as I did then in a long time. That night I brought home vegetables and fruit and what little meat I could find, cooked most of it and served it with a smile to my two charges. For once I'm glad Levi made cooking such a big deal.

I excused myself quietly and slunk into what had been named as my room with the leftover meat dripping in my hands. After closing the door sharply I shoved the pieces into my mouth, chewing for longer than was necessary just to savor the taste. Quicker than I liked, the meal was gone and I whined at the loss. My food situation wasn't as good as I had hoped.

"Eren?"

I jumped at the light voice of Armin drifting through the thin door. I slowly calmed my rapidly beating heart and turned to open the door.

"What is it, Armin?"

The blond boy looked down at his shuffling feet and fiddling hands, embarrassed? I furrowed my brow.

"Mikasa and I were wondering if...we could..."

I grunted when he drifted off, gesturing for him to continue. His shoulders rose to his burning red ears and I couldn't help but wonder if he was alright.

"...could we sleep with...you again?"

I sighed with a smile.

"Are you both done your dinner?"

Before Armin could speak up, Mikasa poked her head in from the hall and nodded, blanked held tight around her shoulders. So I welcomed them in and watched as the hurried to the bed. The bed itself was small, meant for one adult but could probably fit another if you didn't mind sleeping half on top of each other.

Mikasa reached the bed first, scooting back until her back was against the wall while Armin waited for me to get in before he curled himself around me on the other side. I reached out, wrapping my arm lightly around Mikasa and tighter around Armin, holding him in place so he wouldn't fall. It was cramped and wasn't ideal but that was okay because I got them and I wouldn't let any harm come to them.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I didn't tell them about my idea of signing up. I couldn't. Mikasa had just started joining Armin in following me around at my job and I couldn't just randomly say, 'hey, I'm going to join the Survey Corp sooooo, see ya!'. I couldn't ask them to go with me either because, well, they were humans and...I couldn't tell if I wanted them to go with me or not.

A year finally passed and I missed the sign up day. Not because I was late, but because I couldn't bear the the thought of leaving them behind. I would find Levi and he would adore them just like I did. It would be perfect.

Mikasa, though refusing to remove the blanket, left the house for longer and longer periods of time, clearly enjoying herself more. She grew bolder in her actions and eventually took time out of each day to explore. Armin would always keep an eye out for her so I always knew she was in good hands, allowing me to focus on work. There were times that she'd return with a bright smile stretched across her face that made my heart warm.

Everything was good.

Until, of course, it wasn't...

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

~Mikasa~

The sun was warm

My skin itched...my blanket?

I watched Eren

So strong

Protected

Hair swished when I walked...wave bye to Armin

Excitement

Happy

New things!

Pretty colors...shiny from light

...hand...

Person...

Stranger!

Danger!

Panic!

"Don't worry your pretty little head, my dear. I'll be sure to take you back to your friends safe and sound"

Voice...bad breath

Danger!

Armin!

EREN!

"You see, I've seen you around here many times before and knew your were pretty but wow, you're gorgeous close up"

Struggle

Pain...hard grip

Struggle more!

"Don't do that, I'm getting you back to your friends...after a little fun first"

STRUGGLE

...dark...

Alley?

Tongue! Cheek! No!

NO

Hands! Body! Wrong!

NOT AGAIN

Off! Had enough!

I'LL BE GOOD!

Good girl...such a good...

PROMISE

stop

PLEASE!

...stop...

EREN!

...eren?

EREN!

...protected?

NO

...help...

alone


	24. The Silk Weaver (Part 9)

**Sorry for doing that to Mikasa but I needed something dark and I figured Armin would probably shatter into a million pieces if I did it to him. This chapter is really dark. It has meantions of suicide and it has some self harm in it so of you're not down with reading about that then please don't, I'll make a brief description of the chapter at the bottom. Please review! I really want to hear what you guys think!**

 _ **Sincerely,**_

 _ **Shado on'nanoko.**_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

When we found her it was already done.

Her blanket was torn and tossed to the side while Mikasa lay, back against the wall and completely striped of her clothes. Scratches marred her skin, a garish red contrasting badly with her delicate pale complexion. Her eyes were empty, unseeing, but twitched every now and again, a slow blink showing she was alive. Her chest rose unevenly but she didn't shake.

Her mouth was open as if she was calling out for help...

For me to save her...

Armin rushed to her side, swiping the blanket off the dirty ground and draping it reverently over the soiled girl. She didn't look up.

He was frantic, hands shaking dramatically as he waved them over her, not even touching her because he didn't know what to do. What did you do in a situation like that?

I stepped forward, arms reaching out, probably shaking just as much as Armin's but suddenly he wasn't. His hand reached up like lightning and slapped mine away.

"Don't you dare touch her!" He hissed. I reeled back, eyes wide with hurt and confusion but his eyes only hardened.

"You promised..." He whispered.

I shuddered

I had promised

"You promised you'd keep her safe and now look at her!" His eyes narrowed to slits, chest heaving with uncharacteristic rage. "Don't touch her, I'll carry her back"

And that's how it went, Armin shouldering a weak willed Mikasa who dragged her feet, causing more problems for Armin, and me trailing behind somberly, jerking forwards every time the pair stumbled. My hands were clenched at my stomach, my insides writhing and twisting in disgust at myself.

How could I?

It wasn't even that long that I wasn't looking and she was out of sight!

What could I have done to stop it?

Could I have done anything?

Fucking pathetic

Getting home took longer than usual, our accumulated shuffling slowing our pace greatly. Armin didn't even look at me when I opened the door, only sliding past, whispering to Mikasa and guiding her to their room. I watched as the door closed behind them and suddenly...

Why was I always on the wrong side?

My disgust bubbled and grew, pushing up my throat with enough force to make me gag. I stumbled away from their room, heading to the door that lead to what I really was, a weak, pathetic, disgusting monster.

The furniture I'd used to block the door off fell with a crash but I didn't spare it a glance. The door creaked ominously on its hinges as it swung open and I stared into the darkness of the basement. I descended, eyes dull and shivers occasionally shaking my frame while the stairs squeaked. I could smell the copper and the rot of leftover bits and it only encouraged the fury and disgust that consumed me.

A roar exploded outwards, rising up, challenging, but just as quickly as a candle was snuffed, a sob cut through the animalistic aggression. I could feel my eyes moisten, feel my lashes grow heavy with my despair because I was supposed to help her! I told her I'd protect her and I failed!

The packed dirt that made up the floor and walls provided me with nothing to hit, nothing that I could use to hurt myself, to feel a sliver of the pain I allowed Mikasa to feel. When my sight landed on the gleaming cages I nearly smiled. With sure steps I marched towards them and, with even more determination, I tore it apart.

Metal rods clanged and crashed, bouncing across the floor. I caught one as it rolled passed my feet. The edge was jagged, a little crooked, but would serve me well. I moved without hesitation and brought the bar down onto my leg as hard as I could.

The yelp, the wail that it pulled from me only served to anger me more because Mikasa hadn't said anything, she hadn't even whimpered and here I was, bawling my eyes out and whining. How fucking pathetic, how fucking weak!

I left the bar there and stumbled over to the wall where my attention was immediately diverted to pounding my fists against it as hard as I could. I sobbed and screamed as I clawed at the dirt like the deranged monster I was. My breath hitched and hiccupped, my hands stopped pounding and just rested, slowly guiding my head to the cool surface before sliding down and hitting the floor roughly. All I could do was curl up, my injured leg hanging out uselessly while the rest of me jumped with every sob that wracked my frame.

Levi doesn't deserve such a fucking mess

Levi doesn't deserve this monster

Levi doesn't—

I shut my eyes tight because I really couldn't think of that right then. I curled into myself more and tried my best to block out the thoughts that threatened to drown me.

I wished Levi was with me

Why did I always end up on the wrong side?

The shuffling didn't register until it was right by me and even then I didn't look up. It wasn't until cold, smooth fingers brushed against the side of my wound that I chanced a glance.

It was Mikasa, eyes still dulled but accompanied with a hint of worry. She'd probably heard me screaming.

I looked away, unable to face her with how wet my face was with shame. The fingers disappeared and I shuddered at the physical evidence of her lack of trust.

Slim, cold fingers ghosted over my clenched fist as a breath sifted through my hair, a voice. The voice was scratchy with disuse, the tone cracking on almost every letter, but it pushed and it tried and I understood.

"I g - ot yo-"

I gripped her hand, holding onto her for dear life because if I let go for just a second I was sure I'd fall. I was weak and I couldn't even fathom how — how could she be so strong?

"I got y-you"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

~Levi~

It doesn't get any easier.

Loosing people.

One minute they're there, the next...

Loosing Eren was like loosing a limb, it hurt like hell and sometimes, some days, I could still feel the phantom ache gnawing at my mind. Memories of him hurt but they kept me afloat whenever life threw me overboard, they kept me warm but they burned. Eren was a part of me and now...now that part was a severed arm buried in unreachable land.

I'd lost many people before him obviously, Isabel and Farlan the main examples. They were family and it hit me hard when they died. We'd been together for years and, because of one wrong decision, they were gone.

Loosing Red was like loosing my mother all over again. Though I'd known her for the shortest amount of time it still stung. She'd helped me, guided me through expressions and words so I could lead my squad to the best of my ability and bring out the best in them. I'd heard that in dire situations, my soldiers thought of my voice as the voice of reason, always calm and always had a plan. Red was my voice of reason for those hellish months and to see her like that, crushed under the foot of humanities greatest enemy like an irritating bug was...

It doesn't get any easier.

There is no designated time for when people stop grieving, it's a slow and delicate process. You start and, with time, it dulls and wanes but it never really leaves.

So the reason I sat, alone in the mess hall, surrounded by bottles of liquor that, if drunk in large enough quantities, should be toxic, was grief. I mourned my friends, my family, my love and I pitied myself because I couldn't even find the strength to pull myself out of this pit and live for them. Instead I sank lower, each bottom of a bottle signalling a new level reached and, in celebration, I'd open another.

I couldn't get drunk. I'd discovered the annoying gift of unbelievably high alcohol tolerance when I was young and roaming the underground. The knowledge of the fact didn't stop me from grabbing another bottle to find the limit, to get drunk finally, to feel the buzz that everyone else felt and forget. I wanted to get so drunk that I couldn't talk, so drunk that I'd forget everything even the date, because the 25th of December was...

I'd learned how to kill at a young age, Kenny driving it into my skull until I knew how to wield my knife or the right way to twist for their neck to break. Humans were so easy to kill it was laughable.

The dagger hidden in my boot rubbed against my calf, drawing attention to itself.

It would be so easy

A few quick movements and I'd be gone, allowed to reunite with everyone and be rid of the depression, the pressure of hiding my true self and the responsibility thrust upon me by people too lazy to do it themselves. I'd be able to shed it all with just the small blade in my shoe.

It wasn't the first time I'd thought like that and, just like all the other times, I knew I wouldn't do it. I still had something to do. I thought back to the time when Hanji and I agreed on something for the first time. The excitement in her eyes were unnerving but I figured mine were about the same.

"A Titan who attacked its own? I need it Levi, get it for me!"

I'd scowled at them fiercely as I snapped that she wasn't going to get it because I was going to kill it, slaughter it, watch it writhe on the ground with no arms or legs. They cut off my rant with a compromise of, "You get it and I study it before you kill it, okay?"

We both nodded and the deal was set.

I took another swig from the latest bottle, the liquid running smooth but burning down my throat. I relished the burn and smirked. The fucking titan had no clue what an Ackerman could do when they've got nothing left to lose.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 **So what happened was, Armin gets pissed off at Eren because Eren didn't protect Mikasa and so he stops talking to him. Eren gets really mad at himself, does some stuff like yell and rage in the basement because he thinks he's pathetic. Mikasa hears him and goes down, finds him crouched on the ground with a wound in his leg and is worried. She takes his hand and says the first words she's ever said to him, "I got you"**

 **On the other side, Levi is trying to drink himself under the table but he can almost literally not get drunk. He thinks about Eren, Isabel, Farlan and Red and talks about grief. You find out a little later that the day this is happening is Dec 25th, Levi's and Eren's birthday. He's really depressed an starts thinking bad thoughts but snaps out of it because he's determined to do something. He remembers a conversation with Hanji about capturing the abnormal titan that kills its own kind, experimenting on it and then killing it. Levi ends with the line, "The fucking titan had no clue what an Ackerman could do when they've got nothing left to lose."**


	25. The Between

I'm so sorry for being so late but I got stuck and then started obsessing over SKAM. Armin is a bit dark here because he's been through a lot and will obviously be different from his original. This is a view of how serious and how much he's changed. He tries to put on a happy and innocent expressin when things aren't serious but otherwise he's really dark. I made Levi's little speech thing in first person because the whole day was very emotional and, like the other times, he was forced to reconnect with the world. He couldn't do the out of body thing because the day was too important, too filled with memories. Basically he was stressed and sad and overwhelmed.

PS: I'm a dudette;)

Sincerely,

Shado on'nanoko.

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I studied the fabric laid out over the only level table in the house and sighed, arms folded tightly across my chest and brows furrowed. Mikasa insisted on keeping the thing though it wasn't much of a blanket anymore, more like a worn poncho who's number of knife fights it'd been through amounted to more than one, and it showed. The thing was dirty, dusty and full of tears that frayed and threatened to unravel it all and I had no fucking clue what to do with it.

I unfolded my arms and kneaded the off white bandage wrapped securely around my thigh. It was uncomfortable to say the least, wearing the bandages, but I guess that's what I got after deliberately harming myself in close proximity to oblivious and concerned humans. I had to hobble around the place, the act over-exaggerated to the point of hilarity, proven by the absurd amount of giggles it'd managed to pull from the usually silent Mikasa. I'd healed almost ten minutes after I'd removed the pole, but the bandages had already been rolled on and tied tight with orders from the stern looking girl to rest the leg until she said so.

Mikasa, in complete contrast to how I thought she would act, wasn't angry. If anything she seemed sympathetic and understanding. It was baffling. She accompanied silence and continued to sink into corners with her shredded poncho but there were the occasional times where she'd spot something in my expression and immediately mumbled about some inane thing like 'this bug was really interesting, Armin picks his nose'.

Armin was still mad, not that I think he should forget about it but...it still hurt. He refused to talk to me, would avoid being alone in the same room as me and shot scathing glares my way when he was sure Mikasa wasn't looking. I didn't know what to do about it, do I just confront him? Corner him and settle things then and there?

In all honesty, probably the best and only plan I would be able to come up with.

I shoved the blanket dilemma to the side and rose to my feet, shoulders set with determination and stalked off to find the blond boy. It took a few steps for me to remember I needed to limp and then continued on my way, swaying dramatically from side to side.

Armin was in his room, a book I'd bought for him in the earlier days on his lap, pages worn and loved. He looked up when the door creaked, his face falling and his wide eyes narrowing with disdain when he saw who it was. "Please get out," He mumbled, mouth set in a firm line. He always made a point of being polite. I stepped farther into the room, his glare heating up with every step but I ignored it.

"I'd like to talk to you about...you know..." I folded my hands in front of me, head hanging a bit as my eyes danced around the child. Armin scoffed but shut the book.

"Nothing you say will make me trust you. It won't make it okay."

He ghosted his fingers over the spine of the book, clearly wanting to get back to it. I sighed.

"Then why do you stay? There must be something there. I know this has been hard on all of us but...please, just trust me"

The look he shot me almost pushed me back, made it hard for me to stand my ground and bridge the gap between us. Armin set aside his book and slid off the bed. He rose to his full height, still a few inches shorter than me but there was something in the way he carried himself that made me tense, my guard slowly rising.

"Why," he began, stepping closer with every word. "would I trust you? What have you done that's warranted my trust?"

I couldn't step back, the intensity of his gaze causing my limbs to stiffen, freezing me to the spot.

"We were introduced when you came in this house to buy us, then proceeded to turn on the men you were doing business with and beat them mercilessly." He made small gestures with his hands, his emotions conveyed by the twitches in his fingers. "Don't get me wrong, I'm glad that those men got hurt, felt some of the pain I felt, that Mikasa felt, but what happened after..."

I could feel my shoulders jerk and I saw the small flicker in Armin's eyes that showed he'd seen. "Do you think I didn't notice? You don't eat with us, ever. I think I've only seen you eat once and I remember vividly how horrid your retching was after." He paused, a small smirk that lacked any sort of amusement crawled up his face. He spoke again, this time mocking.

"Where did the bad men go, Eren?"

My breath caught in my throat.

Armin advanced.

"If there was a better option where Mikasa and I wouldn't starve, where we wouldn't have to live on the streets and die from the cold or disease, I wouldn't have let Mikasa live with a sick cannibal who likes to play pretend."

I stumbled back, gripping the door frame to hold my body up but my mind was drowning. I could guess what cannibal meant, the meaning coming to me from what he'd said he knew. But how...

How did he know?

What do I do?!

"W-what...Mi-"

I didn't get to finish, Armin cutting in at the first sound of her name.

"She doesn't know"

I knew I should be feeling relieved but all I felt were my muscles tensing and my legs itching to run away.

"She adores you too much, I don't want her to realize that her 'saviour'," he paused, eyes close to rolling, "is even more monstrous than our captors."

Monster

Armin gripped the door and slowly pulled it closed, giving me one last warning not to step out of line but I didn't hear it, monster was clouding my thoughts and causing me to shake.

Or was it the hunger?

How long had it been since I'd eaten?

I hadn't thought of the taste, of the way the meat squished around my teeth, just that it'd happened.

My hands shook, what was that smell?

I sniffed the air, the sweet stench of my children filling my nostrils and my stomach growled. I was certain, it was undeniable.

My hands shook

They would be so delicious.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

~Levi~

Petra was just how Levi'd expected, exactly like her mother.

She had caramel coloured hair and soft hazel eyes paired with a gentle smile, radiating warmth and comfort. She quickly filled the role of mother hen in the Corps and no one could find anything to complain about, she was perfect in the personality aspect. It was her physical fitness that set Levi on edge.

"Your form is shit and you run like a fucking bunny is after you"

Petra's face crumpled in confusion. "A bunny, sir?"

"Yes, a bunny. You're absolute shit so do it again!" Levi shot out his arm, finger pointing sternly at the track that the young girl was trying to subtly avoid. Petra took a second to shrink into herself but quickly sprang back into gear and set off on her second round of laps, Levi belting out corrections every now and then.

By the time the candy haired girl collapsed onto the dirt the sun had set and the other cadets had already moved inside, most likely having eaten their dinners and gone to bed. Levi just stood there, observing the small girl wheezing on the ground, not offering any help or words at all. Petra glanced up, caught Levi's eye and smiled a wide smile filled with awe and satisfaction.

"I think that's the longest and the fastest I've ever run..." She coughed and spluttered on some of the words but Levi nodded like he understood.

He didn't

Petra threw him a knowing look and instead thrust a thumbs up into the air and breathed out an elated "Thank you!"

Levi quirked a smile that he would later deny and turned, chuckling a bit at how very similar yet how very different a child can be from their parent. It was the same intent, the same message but it had the taste of Petra all over the words.

Fascinating

"I'm expecting to see you on this track before breakfast is served and," he paused in his speech but kept walking, fingers itching to remove the soiled clothes from his body, sweaty from the heavy heat, "I won't go easy on you tomorrow. Your goal is to, by the end of the week, be able to keep pace with me for longer than five minutes."

He heard shuffling and then the thwap of a fist hitting fabric, followed by a jubilant yet somehow still serious "yes sir!"

Levi continued through the doors of the building, past the mess hall and on to his room. Fuck, had his last wash really been that morning? He could practically feel the crusted copper tasting substance caught underneath his nails. He knew it wasn't there, not really, but it didn't matter what he knew. His earlier carefree smile long gone, he rushed through the rest of the useless space between him and the sink, the bath, the shower, anything that would rid him of the dirt, the life on his hands. Anything that would release him from his pain, from the guilt that latched itself onto the marrow of his bones and refused to let go.

The knob squeaked as it turned and the sound of water hitting stone ricocheted painfully inside his skull.

He fell in, hands reaching desperately for the faucet placed above his head, arms raised as if reaching to the heavens, to a god he doesn't believe in. The water ran clear but it ran red and Levi couldn't breath. If he stayed, if he just waited, maybe he would be clean, maybe. That was all he had, no matter how much time passed he still had it.

Maybe

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~Eren~

The cobbled roads echoed my footsteps, frantic and off beat. My breath was heavy with anger at myself, disappointment for my own thoughts. How could I have even considered those children, my children, such innocent creatures as food? The hunger was eating away at my mind, devouring conscious thought and allowing instinct to roam free. Instinct said that all humans were food, how could I argue with that?

There wasn't an argument, all that needed to be said was a name. Levi.

Humans weren't food, not all of them at least. I wanted to quit, to go back to eating only small animals but I knew I wouldn't be able to. I'd gotten a taste again and with the humans intoxicating odour surrounding me at every hour of the day...it wouldn't be long before I snapped. I couldn't snap around the children, it would be a slaughter, I wouldn't be able to live with myself. I had to find a way to keep myself in control. I had to satiate the desire before it could take me over.

But who to choose...

XXX

I hadn't heard the footsteps.

I was too focused on the corps before me of the man I'd caught doing unseemly acts and dragged into the secluded alley I was currently in. The footsteps, when they registered, were light and fast. I was unconcerned until I realized that they were too close for comfort. I tried to wipe the blood from my hands onto the cold stones beneath me but only succeeded in grinding the drying red life farther into the creases of my hands. Cold sweat beaded on my nape. I turned.

"Armin?"

Gold hair and wide blue eyes flashed in the dark and I renewed my efforts to clean my hands.

"What are you doi-" I stopped when he turned away and gagged, hand covering his moth and shoulders heaving. I stood from the stones and reached for him, asking if he was alright, but he jolted away from my touch.

"Why did you...who is that?" He asked and I shrank. I turned back to look at the scene that Armin had walked in on. A man, what was left of him, lying in a pile, surrounded by his own blood and his flesh torn from the bones. I looked at my hands, pants and arms. They were caked with blood, spotted with a few slivers of meat that I'd missed. It was the stuff of horror.

"I-I'm sorry Armi-...I couldn't..." "I don't want to hear your excuses!" He screamed, hands clenched in bone white fists by his side and the part of his face I could see was wrinkled with fury. "I asked you a question and you should answer!"

I lowered my head in shame, admitting that I didn't know who it was and I could feel the tears well in my eyes when he turned on me a face filled with anger but absent of disappointment, as if he didn't expect any less of me.

"Just get back to the house and wash up, Mikasa will notice that you're gone. And don't even think of going anywhere near her, I won't let you do anything to her."

He turned to the alley entrance but I couldn't let him just go, this would drive us apart and I'd already let it go on long enough. I couldn't let him have a reason to leave, to take Mikasa and fall into a trap that devious humans wove.

I trusted him, yes. With my life?

I was so tired of hiding.

"I'm a titan"

I'll tell Levi when I find him.

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Please review!:)


	26. The Between (Part 2)

~Armin~

From a purely scientific point of view what had just been declared by my cannibalistic 'guardian' was truly fascinating and could possibly lead to the answers of almost every mystery that humanity had. But, from a logical view point, it was completely insane. I turned slowly, my eyes thinned to infuriated slits at what I can only assume is a suggestion that I'm stupid enough to believe such a blatant lie.

"That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard, and I've heard a lot of ridiculous things from people much younger than you"

Eren, the insufferable HUMAN that continuously shifts between friend and foe in my mind heaves a weary sigh, as if the weight of the world had deemed his wiry frame a fabulous resting place. The very shoulders that held this apparent weight sank and folded inwards, forcing the rest of Eren away from me, as if scared. I couldn't help but find it ironic, that this person, who had just killed someone and had without a doubt killed before, was scared of me. Me, small and fragile Armin who was too absorbed in books of science and the outside to make any real friends.

But then again, it is said that knowledge is power and I've always had the advantage in that particular area.

"What can I do?" He asks, shoulders still caving into his torso. "What can I do to get you to believe me? What do you need to know? To see?"

I snorted.

Was he really going through with this? Was he really going to try to prove to me that he, a human, is a titan? It's preposterous!

Unless...of course, he thinks he is a titan.

My thoughts turn and turn, thinking up possibilities and the different types of ways that mental illness may take form. My brain continues to steam as I decide to roll with it. I crossed my arms and furrowed my brow, stating the one thing that might actually convince me of anything being related to a titan.

"Cut off your fingers.

If they grow back, I'll believe you."

When I was younger, back in Shiganshina, I wouldn't have even thought of the idea. The idea of anyone hurting because of me was sickening, causing my stomach to roll.

I was naïve.

I believe there's another saying, you'll have to break a few eggs if you want to make an omelette.

Now, for not only me but also Mikasa, for us to have any hope of surviving in this cruel world that had refused to stay hidden a little while longer and allow us a few more years of peace, there was no doubt that more than a few eggs would have to be broken.

I kept my eyes trained on Eren as he squared his shoulders and brought his hand to his mouth.

His dedication was expected, I'd come to know that if Eren put his mind to it, with determination alone he could do it.

The blood was expected as well, though I still flinched as the spray painted the worn stones of the alley and crawled dangerously close to my feet.

The steam was not

My eyes flicked up to meet the suddenly glowing gold of Eren's own iris'.

My whole body locked and my breath came out in a long silent shudder that disturbed the growing steam in that secluded alley. I was suddenly more aware of how alone I was, the only company a dead man and his murderer who was actually a titan.

The bile I had pushed back earlier threatened to claw its way up my throat and I was tempted to let it.

I didn't

I just stood, stared, and thought,

How fascinating.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

~Levi~

The horses mains flew, their reigns snapping from side to side and tails flipping. Levi's eyes glazed over the surrounding crowd of soldiers, identifying the tall blond mop, that annoying fucking ponytail and short caramel hair. Erwin had devised a plan, some hope that they would one day be able to reclaim Maria.

The plan was simple enough. They had to get to a gate at wall Maria, raise supplies, soldiers and horses to the top with the rising platforms built into the wall and set up a base at the top of each gate. They'd reconnect with the isolated pocket cities on the outer wall and begin rebuilding the damaged gates so they would eventually be able to systematically eradicate the titans trapped inside. It was a large investment with no guarantee that it would work, but they had no other options.

Levi wondered absently if the only reason the king agreed to it was that this way there were less mouths to feed.

Erwin's voice boomed above the noise, calling everyone to attention and spouting out some bullshit speech meant to inspire. Levi rolled his eyes but gripped his reigns tighter in anticipation for the opening gate, because no matter how good the plan sounded, there was still the danger zone that consisted of all of Maria's land.

It was a given that many soldiers would die on expeditions, but with this one, no one was allowed to turn back, if they did, they'd be killed. It was a useless threat, everyone who wore the green cloak of the Survey Corps were suicidal idiots who wouldn't turn back for anything.

The gate rumbled and began to rise, Levi chanced a glance at Petra, her hands twisted in her reigns in an attempt to keep calm. Everyone settled lower in their saddles, waiting for the signal to go. Levi turned back to the gate and swore that this time would be different, he'd protect this one and make sure they came out alive, even if he didn't.

Erwin belted out the call to charge and off they went, into surroundings so familiar to Levi.

Levi smiled as he charged into hell, he smiled as he rode home.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

~Eren~

Armin eyed me from across the table, spoon halfway from the bowl to his mouth, the weak broth cradled in the utensil shuddering and threatened to fall overboard. I eyed him back a little warily but dragged my gaze away to settle it on Mikasa who was happily slurping down her soup. I softened as I watched her eat, carefree and happy. She'd shed her poncho just a few days ago, confidence growing slowly but surely.

It'd only been a day since I'd told Armin.

From what I could tell, he took it pretty well. If avoiding me as much as possible could be called 'well' then...

We'd talked a bit after he made me prove my claim. It was awkward, a conversation filled with stilted sentences and mistimed jokes. Armin didn't seem to appreciate my attempt at lightening the mood.

I'd told him about my kind, about everything. I'd censored any bits with Levi in them, stating that the only reason I went inside the walls was to help the defenceless humans inside. There was a brief moment where he stuttered out the question of whether I was the colossal or the armoured titan. He'd breathed a sigh of relief when I reassured him that no, I was neither.

Mikasa glanced up, eyes meeting mine and crinkling slightly in a small smile. I didn't return the smile, my mouth opening instead with words needed to be said but with a sharp kick to my shin I jolted, closed my loose mouth, and smiled.

"Is it good?"

She nodded, spoon digging back into the bowl with quiet enthusiasm. My smile softened, she really didn't have to try so hard. I knew for a fact that the soup was absolutely terrible...but then again, all food was terrible to me. With Mikasa focused on her food, I shot a look at Armin who's wide innocent eyes were now slivers of blue.

This was the one thing that we had disagreed on, whether or not to tell Mikasa.

On one side, with Armin knowing, it would only be fair for Mikasa to know as well, seeing as she's a part of their makeshift family as well. But Armin insisted that it would be best if she didn't know. His argument was that with her fragile state of mind, she needs stability. Whipping out the fact that I, a titan, could turn into a human and was living among other humans, eating other humans, was not what many would call a stable situation. So we came to an agreement, though I was reluctant to continue hiding something so important from the sweet girl. I understood his reasoning, but I was just so tired of playing a role that I didn't fit, I just wanted the people I cared about, the people I loved, to know me, the real me.

I reached over, silky black hair mussing under my hand. Mikasa swiped at my arm, a scowl set in place but quickly being overcome by a smile.

My child, "I've got you"

Her small finger gripped my wrist, eyelids closing and head leaning into my palm where she sighed. Peace painted her face smooth from the wrinkles she shouldn't have had and I breathed out a breath of relief because she was healing, slowly but surely, and that's all that mattered, my needs be damned.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Did you hear?"

"They left already, didn't they?"

"From the west gate I heard"

"I heard that it's another suicide mission"

"The poor dears, may the lord protect them"

"But this way there won't be as many mouths to feed, It's a blessing in disguise!"

"Sssssshhhh! Don't say those type of things here! Mary had two children who joined the militia, she didn't even get to say goodbye"

"..."

"I heard Captain Levi and Commander Erwin themselves were leading the charge..."

"What? But, with them gone, we'll be..."

"May the Walls have merc-"

"Excuse me!" I yelled, interrupting the conflicted group of humans, "What was that about Le- Captain Levi?"

The group shared a quick confused glance, as if it was impossible for me not to know.

"The Commander came up with a plan, the troops set out early this morning with Captain Levi himself leading them"

My breath caught in my throat. Levi was here? I had missed him?!

"Why didn't I see them?" The question was answered with blank looks and I nearly growled. I needed to know! "They always come through this gate! Why didn't I see them?"

They eyed me suspiciously, some even inching away from me, shrinking away from the intensity of which I stared at them.

"They left though another gate, that's all I know! If you want a full explanation, ask the commander yourself"

The group quickly scampered away, leaving me to shake and shudder with barely contained rage. How had I missed him? Again? Now, he was out there with the titans I hadn't killed. How could I protect him from inside this cage?!

No more waiting, no more stalling, it was time for the next step.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 **Please comment! I love to hear from you all!3**

 _ **Sincerely,**_

 _ **Shado on'nanoko.**_


	27. Give Me A Gun And I'll Do It Myself

**HAHAHAHAHAHAaaaaaaaahhhh...**

 **...**

 **I'm so sorry for being late and making you all wait. You all were so supportive though and I'm so grateful to you all. I didn't include a scene where Ere has issues with his 3-DMG because I have some severe second hand embarrassment and it physically hurts me to write it. I'll probably mention something similar but it will be in passing.**

 **Also, HURRAH! I finally figured out how to shorten the time to bring the reunion idea into reality! By doing this I will be skipping the whole training period and the creation of all the bonds between the characters. I will be making little break chapters between one plot chapter and another that will be dedicated to a single character in training and their interactions with Eren. This way what happened during training that brought everyone together will be revealed slowly along with each character's backstory.**

 **I hope you like it and thank you so much for all your comments! I read every single one of them and I cherish them, enjoy! :)**

 ** _Sincerely,_**

 ** _Shado on'nanoko._**

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Soft light danced on the floor of the carriage, the wood creaking as it rubbed together on every bump and hole in the road. The coarse fabric of the canopy, off white in colour, shook and quivered above us. I sat by the entrance, the dirt road rushing by just a few inches from my seat, Mikasa settled silently on my other side and Armin beside her. It was...difficult getting to this point. Mikasa, the moment she'd heard of my plan, joined me immediately. She didn't speak one word, simply pulling together all that she had and wrapping herself up in her tattered blanket, setting her meagre possessions in front of the door and staring at us, waiting for the both of us to catch up.

Armin was the difficult part.

I'd sworn that I would take them with me, that I'd protect them, I wouldn't just leave them. With Mikasa agreeing so easily, I'd assumed that Armin would come along just as easily, but I was wrong. Armin almost ripped Mikasa's things from her, eyes wild with fear and voice wavering as he ranted. He screamed at me, asking how I could possibly think that dragging them into the army, almost certain death, on a whim was okay. When put like that, it sounded terrible. He had every right to be mad, I didn't have a reason that I could tell them without bringing up Levi, but I knew they'd be safe. If they just stayed by my side, I could protect them.

It took a little while but, with gentle reassurances from Mikasa and pleading on my part, he caved. We jumped on a wagon to the training grounds the next day, thankfully recruitment time had just begun.

I glanced over at Armin but I couldn't see much through the thick black strands of Mikasa's hair. I sighed, children were so hard to handle at times. A particularly large bump caused the wagon to jump, throwing all three of us and the other passengers against each other. The silence broke with annoyed grunts and awkward chuckles but I didn't pay it any attention, I was back to my thoughts of Levi. With this, by joining the army, there was no doubt that I'd find him.

No doubt...

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The army wasn't exactly what I thought it'd be.

Correction, training wasn't what I thought it'd be.

I'd seen the Survey corps in action before, I knew their tactics, how they worked. I've seen their base of operations and I've listened to a captain strategise more often than I ever really wanted to. I was well acquainted with the way things worked in the army, but since Levi had never actually gone to the academy and therefore didn't have any reason to talk about it, I had absolutely no idea how the academy worked. So as I stood there, Instructor Shadis belting in my face, spittle flying everywhere, I suddenly realized that this might be a little harder than I thought it would be.

At least I wasn't the one caught eating a potato.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

~Mikasa~

The other girls were nice

They didn't talk much, that was okay

I didn't talk much too.

I didn't much like Shadis

Shadis took Eren away

Shadis took Armin

I sleep alone

Girls talk more now

Ask if I'm scared

Why be scared?

I follow Eren

With Eren is safe

safe?

With Eren, why be scared?

so scared...

Why be scared

Girls don't talk to me

I heard whispers

I'm weird?

Pull blanket tighter

Lonely with people

Girls don't know

Eren knows

Armin knows

Where?

Where is my family?

Cold bed

Family comes with the sun

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

~Armin~

I worried about Mikasa the whole night. She wasn't used to sleeping alone and she definitely wasn't used to so many strangers. When morning finally came Eren and I were the first ones out of the cabin and on the wide flat plain where we had lined up just hours before getting our heads yelled off by Shadis who was probably still asleep judging by the height of the barely there sun. I shivered just thinking back on it. The tone and insults reminded me too much of the sellers and I had a sneaking suspicion that it reminded Mikasa as well. Another reason to worry. Just as I'd expected, Mikasa was already out of her cabin, always the early riser, and lurking close to the boys cabin. She looked up as we went closer, face immediately brightening when she saw us and hurried across the leftover distance.

I caught her first, squeezing her close to me, pulling her head down to my shoulder so I could bury my face in her hair. She vibrated in my arms, hers gripping me back but quickly sliding away and reaching for what I could only guess was Eren. I let go reluctantly and watched as she threw herself at Eren, both pairs of arms reaching and holding on for dear life. Though I still wasn't fond of the titan(holy fuck he's a TITAN) and I more than resented him for dragging us into the stupid army, I couldn't deny how happy he made Mikasa.

A necessary evil

"Why are you out so early?" I heard Eren ask, voice quiet with worry and relief. I couldn't help but roll my eyes. Her reason was pretty obvious. "Did you not get enough sleep?"

Mikasa shook her head, pointed at me and then patted roughly at Eren's chest before diving in for another hug. I could see Eren smile and I scowled, arms feeling very pointedly empty.

I tuned out, letting them continue their morning greetings by themselves as I retreated back onto a thought I had pondered on for too long a time.

What if?

What if I told her? What if we had told her?

What would she do? What would be her reaction?

Would she accept it? Would she not care? Would she reject him? Run away?

 _Would she be My Mikasa again?_

It had always been the two of us, just the two of us for what seemed like centuries which I knew was inaccurate. It felt as if we were born inside a cage, as if we had just traded one cage for a smaller one and we lived there together, always side by side. Everyday I would look to my left and find Mikasa, My Mikasa, shivering just as I was, haunted by the same images as me. We held the same darkness. We were two of a kind.

But we weren't

We had been affected differently. Mikasa wouldn't talk and I...I lost my kindness.

Two years and three months, that's all it took for everything inside my mind to rewrite itself.

I was no longer Armin Arlert the kind and sweet boy who lived in Shinganshina with his grandfather, no father or mother in sight. I was no longer the boy who chastised people for the simplest of indecencies and was always polite, never thinking that humans could be so...inhumane.

I was...

Now I could barely remember my grandpa's face.

What was his name again?

Did it start with an A like mine or an R?

What colour were his eyes?

Where did we live?

What did we do?

I didn't know who I was anymore and, from the glimpses I would see, I didn't want to know. I was cruel, conniving, suspicious and paranoid. I planned for the worst even if I knew for a fact that nothing could go wrong.

I didn't want to know

The greatest tragedy in the world is not knowing.

I knew Mikasa was the same, how could she not be? We were different from the others but that was okay because we had each other, we weren't alone. It was us against the world.

But Mikasa was changing.

It was subtle and slow but I noticed, I noticed everything. She smiled more spoke a few words every couple of days and took more risks even after the Incident. She was more open and accepting, more loving and caring than I had ever seen her. She was changing and it hurt because she wasn't My Mikasa anymore. It hurt because I...

 **_Why couldn't I change too_**

Looking at her as she beamed silently, wrapped tight in Eren's arms as he whispered "I got you", I couldn't help but think that though My Mikasa was mine, was perfect as she was, it wasn't Her Mikasa. Looking at her then, I wondered if My Mikasa ever was Her's.

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 **Notes:**

 **Someone wondered if Eren would notice Annie/Reiner/B immediately and a few others have been asking about the trio but I haven't answered because I really don't want to give anything away. I'm just going to say that the situation is just a little bit different and Ere doesn't notice. Also, Grisha doesn't really exist? I guess? I didn't really think on him too much but how I think of it is either he doesn't exist at all or is just an insignificant player until I need him again.**

 **But then again, I could be deceiving you ;)**

 **Please comment! I love hearing feedback of what was liked, what could be improved and what not.**


	28. The Walls

**Hey guys, I'm sorry for the wait as well as the blandness of this chapter. I wrote it and then posted it, didn't review it at all because I just wanted it done and I've got a test coming up in a subject that I'm absolute shit at. I need to study, not write fanfiction. But yeah, the next chapter will be a doozie which I'm not really looking forward to but meh. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter! Please comment and whatnot. See ya at some other point in time. PS: I just made up the names of the outer districts because they have yet to be named...I think...I don't follow the books or anime at all.**

 _ **Sincerely,**_

 _ **Shado on'nanoko.**_

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~Levi~

It had taken way too long for everyone to get to the gate at Wall Maria. As he was raised to the top of the gate on the built in platform, the last one to go up, Levi watched his ever growing view of the surrounding land. There were less titans than he had thought would be out there, only a few getting in their way. He was grateful, yes, but he couldn't help but be suspicious. He knew for a fact that his squad and the others hadn't killed as many as the limited number now suggested. The only real explanation he could come up with for the lack of roaming titans was that the Berserker had diminished their numbers which simultaneously made his seethe and relieved. The less titans there were, the less soldiers were likely to die.

The platform shook as it reached the top and his horse snorted in protest. He stepped out onto the top of the wall, horse following obediently behind as he scanned the controlled chaos of the beginning of the next step for the blond giant himself. Soldiers who noticed him pass would stop momentarily to salute before rushing off to help set up a new base of operations or to prepare for the decent into Agathe. It was at the opposite side of the wall, overlooking the pocket district of Agathe that Levi found Erwin who watched the workings of his army with a calculating gaze.

"When do we go down?"

Erwin didn't even blink when Levi sidled up to him and spoke, choosing instead to continue his observations of the slow but steady construction of makeshift offices and stables. He seemed so involved in his thoughts that Levi almost thought that he hadn't heard him. It was a stupid idea of course. Erwin hears everything.

"Once the stables are completed we'll go in"

It made sense. There were no platforms to lower horses down on the pocket side so they would have to be left behind and replaced with 3DMG for the descent. Levi turned away from the bustling scouts and leaned over the side to take his first look at the city of Agathe after what felt like centuries. Erwin, without even turning to look, gestured to the ground below and pointed out the multi-coloured dots shivering just by the gate.

"Civilians?"

"It would seem so"

Levi hummed and couldn't help but wonder what the peoples reactions would be to new soldiers suddenly arriving. The people in each pocket district had more than likely experienced their own hell with the struggle to survive in close quarters when there was a limited amount of food and titans surrounding them on all sides. Hopefully they wouldn't lash out. Levi was too tired to fight idiotic humans when there were bigger problems to deal with.

As if he could read his mind, Erwin gripped Levi's shoulder tightly and said that "everything will work out fine".

Levi couldn't argue with that. If Erwin thought it would go well, even if the Walls themselves were meant to collapse, everything would work out fine simply because he'd said so.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Levi was glad to be moving again, especially after the ordeal that was explaining the plan to the people of Agathe. They were desperate and twitchy, unused to new company and borderline rude. Levi had come very close to pounding more than one person into the ground but was saved from the unnecessary exertion by Erwin who spoke maybe three words before they all began to fawn over him like he was the fucking king.

Stupid golden giant with his stupid fucking mind control magic.

The squad had finally started moving along the wall to wards the Shinganshina district and the broken gate. Horse drawn carts filled to the brim with tools and materials that would hopefully help in restoring the gate enough to keep the titans at bay. Glancing behind him, Levi could see the long stretching line of figures on horses galloping over the stone and rails beneath them, every one f them determined to make this mission a success, to save humanity. Levi couldn't help but scoff.

They could fix the gate, restore Maria, and kill every single titan out there and humanity still wouldn't be saved. He grimaced as he remembered his earlier years, remembered the stories that many of his soldiers came into the army holding and came to the gruesome realization that maybe humans didn't have any humanity left to save.

His horse shook its head, mane flying from side to side freely. Levi copied the motion in an effort to free his mind of all thoughts. He was a soldier, a thug, the muscle and pawn. He had no need for thoughts.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

They stopped at every outpost to search and scavenge, piling any findings on top of the already full carts before continuing on their way. The carts were annoying to handle on the wall which slowed them down enough to lengthen their ride by days, leading to many twitchy soldiers with thinning tempers. Levi, though he was loathed to admit it, was affected as well, the tension eating away at him, leaving him raw and unamused.

Every now and again they would see titans lumbering about in Mara, defiling the once peaceful land with their murderous selves. It rubbed Levi the wrong way, stinging something deep inside that still, against all odds, wanted to save humanity, offer it the shelter that it needed. He looked away, eyes glued to Erwins' back and hands white knuckled around his reigns. That wasn't his mission. His mission was to protect those working on the gate, nothing more, nothing less. Only after would he be able to go after it, only after would he be able to track down the Berserker. Levis' shoulders tensed with the sudden weight of his realized duty, his destiny. The thing would fall by his hands, he was sure.

A hushed murmur rose in the ranks snapping Levi out of his descent and forced him to focus on the steadily growing noise. He could hear unsteady hooves pacing behind him due to their shaken riders and Levi, with his already worn temper, was just about to snap at the apparently inexperienced riders that would more than likely find a way to fall off the wall but it was then that Erwin, the unflappable fuck who was too tall for it to be human, his back straightened and his legs tensed as he breathed out a wavering, "What in the name of-"

Levi looked ahead to find what could have possibly unnerved the commander and found nothing but the stone of the wall.

But then he looked closer...

"What is that" He choked, unable to force any more words up his throat because he was almost certain that the last time he'd seen the gate to Shinganshina there had been a hole bashed through it, so why the fuck was a giant boulder blocking the way?

"I guess we didn't have to bring all these materials after all!" Cackled Hanji from somewhere down the line and Levi wanted to strangle them because didn't they see what was going on? Didn't they realize what this meant? Something had purposely halted the stream of titans flowing into the walls, something strong enough to lift and jamb a boulder into the hole of the gate. If something as strong and as intelligent as that was wandering around in Maria, it could either mean a very much needed ally or an unbelievably dangerous enemy. Levi couldn't decide whether it was worth the risk to go out looking. But then again, if they just waited for it to show up and attack then that would undoubtedly be worse. The thought brought up the reality of the situation at the other walls where the whole human population was simply sitting on their asses, practically begging to be attacked and devoured. It made him sick every time he re-realized how cowardly humans had become. There were very real threats lingering just outside their walls and they weren't going to stay idle forever. How could they live like that? In a perpetual state of anticipating the worst while still trying to blind themselves with false security and the unfounded belief that everything would work out in their favour. How could-

Now was not the time to delve deep into the psyche of the masses.

Now was the time to work.

As his mind whirred around possibilities and scenarios, strike teams that would be formed and tactics that would be used, a small niggling thought at the back of his head bubbled up and forced a short, delayed snort from him.

Hanji was right, it looked like all that shit they'd brought was useless.

Fan-fucking-tastic

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

A long time later, in a wall far far away...(graduation has just happened?)

~Eren~

Maintenance was without a doubt my least liked activity to date beside eating. It was mind-numbingly boring with the stale repetitions and the creepy crawling feeling that came with the sludge that found itself in every crease and corner. Levi would have probably smacked the shit out of me for not taking the necessary precautions such as gloves and a mask but it wasn't my fault that the cadets were given jack-shit and still expected to make things fucking sparkle as well as work perfectly when our hands were just dirtying it again the second we touched it.

In a way though the process was calming. The slow and steady pace as well as the repetition allowed for time to talk with the fellow cadets and old garrison members who gave tips every once and a while. Usually the small talk was peaceful, filled to the brim with old jokes and references to stupid moments that all of us wanted to forget, but today we found our way to the topic of where we would go now that we had graduated. I already knew what everyone thought about my decision to join the scouts. I knew the names they(Jean the Dick) called me; crazy, dumb, suicidal, simple. I knew that the topic would heat up and ignite small disagreements that we've all had countless times before that grew to arguments which no-one won. So when Connie brought up the subject with a flippant carelessness that only he could achieve I knew things were going down hill.

"I won't change my mind, you know that"

Connie sighed and lowered the barrel cleaner in defeat because he did know, I had repeated it too many times for him not to know.

"I know that man, but you were in the top 10, you could join the MPs where others don't even have that option" He turned to look at me, eyes displaying his confusion even though I'd explained. "Isn't that a bit selfish?"

I had never wanted to hurt Connie, he was funny in the stupid way but he tended to blurt out whatever was in his head without checking to make sure it would be okay to say and then, at that moment, I was tempted to slap the confusion off his face. I steeled myself, took a deep breath and prepared my mini rant.

"You think wanting to help save humanity is selfish?"

Connie stuttered and stumbled over sounds as he finally realized what he'd said. The fresh graduates working around us paused to glance over, already anticipating the verbal bashing about to come.

"You think me wanting to go out there and reclaim the land that humans have lost because of their flippant attitude and ignorance is selfish? Are you fucking with me? Hundreds of people have not sacrificed their lives in the belief of human freedom just so humans can lock themselves up and quiver like a wronged child. Have you forgotten that there are pocket cities on the outskirts of Maria? That they had been abandoned, left to die because people were 'unselfish' and decided that protecting people that already had protection was better than protecting those that actually needed it. If the Survey Corps hadn't convinced the fucking king to be 'selfish' then those people would have without a doubt died. Did you not hear about the state some of those cities were in? Humans were killing each other in desperation, some pocket cities had a population of two numbers and one, one had no population at all. Did you forget about that?"

Connie shook his head, mouth sealed tight and eyes wide. I was breathing heavy, voice carrying farther than I had originally meant, luring passerby's to come listen, but I didn't care. If more people than intended heard, that was fine, better even. It was one of my most passionate speeches and I was nowhere close to done. The air itself hung still in silent waiting.

"If the Survey corps hadn't come up with their plan, we wouldn't have even known about how Asporos was destroyed, the same as Shinganshina. We wouldn't have known about the boulders plugging both walls. If they hadn't gone, we would have never connected with the pocket districts again and saved them, we wouldn't be making headway with the titans trapped inside Maria. By being selfish, the Survey Corps has taken unbelievably large steps to save humanity, and that you think I would choose the safe rout simply because I have the option, after three years of me practically bashing every single one of you over the head with the declaration that I would join the Survey Corps, is insulting. I suggest to suck it up, act your fucking age, and maybe think before you speak you privileged fuck because I know for a fact that there are people who have it much worse than you not having the option to hide yourself inside the inner wall and they are dealing with it. So maybe you should think before you talk, think about those people and re-evaluate what it was you were about to say."

My hands were shaking and I could feel my face twisting into a snarl that almost bubbled out of my chest. It was idiotic how these humans acted. What happened to the bravery, the courage and the strength? Was it really only Levi that held these traits? I couldn't believe that. I dropped my cleaning supplies, the sharp clang snapping the crowd of onlookers out of their stupor and startling them into murmured conversations. I turned and ran a dirty hand through my sweaty hair, sighed, and began to walk away. "If you talk to me between now and an hour, I will not hesitate to strangle you"

From behind I heard the shuffling of cloth and figured that Connie must have agreed. I closed my eyes as I walked, an annoying amount of disappointment settling over my head like a great cloud blocking sun.

Would humanity ever take up the fight and finish it?

No, they would not.

I dreaded the day that the colossal and armored appeared again, and I knew they would. The second destroyed district was proof that they had broken in again, and with me closing it up...could I have locked them inside?

The question was when they would appear and if the humans would be ready.

Just seconds later it became apparent that no one was ready, not even me.


	29. Ocean Green

**I'm sorry...**

 **next chapter will have a flashback to training(vote who you want me to cover...someone in 104 class)**

 **I'm tired...**

 **Sorry again...**

 **Hope u enjoy**

 **Gonna sleep now...**

 _ **Sincerely,**_

 ** _Shado on'nanoko._**

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Chaos erupted as the steam blew into the sky, the burning silvery mist shooting out in every direction and throwing frozen soldiers from the wall. As I fell I brought my hand to my mouth, jaw open and ready to clamp down but no, I hesitated, now was not the time. My cables released and embedded themselves into the wall, feet landing hard on the smooth stones before they pounded across it as I ran around and swung back up. Silently I zipped past the lip of the wall and came face to face with him, my old friend, the colossal.

He didn't even look around, eyes glazed yet still zeroed in on the gate. The same glaze as the armored. I flew through the air, my anger taking over all other thought, cutting off the line of mystery and pushing me forward to maim, to kill, to stop. My swords were a flurry of silver and glinting light around me as I twisted and spun in the signature move of my angel and descended onto the nape of my old friend with the fury of all tiny humans. With the determination to protect burning in my eyes, one for each of my children.

Friends are important, but family trumps all.

Before I could get close he whipped his hand back and swatted me from the air, a blow that would have killed a human. I impacted the wall with an unnerving crunch. One side of my gear crumpled beyond belief and a broken leg were not the things to have when in the beginning of what could be a life or death battle, especially when your fighting fucking giants while your current body barely reaches the height of their ankles.

In a moment of delusional safety brought on by the shock and impossibility of the task before me, I looked down at my mangled leg and said simply,

"No"

As if rejecting the existence of the injury would actually make it go away. The ridiculousness of the moment hit me just as the colossal hit the gate.

It took longer than it should have for my leg to heal, my human form limiting the ability, and by the time I was ready to go Trust had already been invaded by the small but still powerful group of titans left in Maria. The desperate screams of unprepared and unarmed civilians rose to a piercing cacophony that pounded at my skull, threatening to break in and douse me with fear and despair.

The thought that I once relished the very same symphony of cries flitted through my head.

From where I stood I could see everything; the giant clouds of dust exploding into the sky marking the destruction of another home, the ant sized humans scurrying in droves towards what they thought was safety while being playfully chased down by joyful giants, the lumbering fools themselves tripping and tumbling around without a care in the world and no one stopping them. Those who were meant to stop them were just then climbing over the lip of the wall, steadying themselves on their feet only to loose their balance again when they turned and truly took in the horror down below.

We were doing nothing.

I was doing nothing.

Lightning thundered behind us as the colossal dissapeared in an unnatural blinding flash. The humans stood around, dumbfounded and helpless as they finally realized that no matter what you learned from a book or by asking questions, nothing could prepare you for war.

A cry to regroup rose from the left and before I could launch myself into the fray below I was tugged harshly into line with a hiss that reminded me that my gear was broken beyond repair. The group of barely trained soldiers scuttled along the wall in a desperate attempt to get to headquarters faster so they wouldn't have to listen to the shrieks of failure that surrounded them every step of the way.

At least the dust covered portions of the scene.

Small mercies.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Mikasa found me even under the dull glow of the lamps scattered across the walls of the HQ armoury, her eyes steel hard but the hands that gripped my own were wet and shaking. Armin quickly attached himself to her side, his own shaking hands digging into the fabric of her jacket. Neither said anything, just held on like this was the last time we would ever be together. The revelation snuck up on me that, for them, it probably seemed that way.

Armin knew, which explained why he didn't plaster himself to me as well as Mikasa, but Mikasa still had no clue. She stood there, shivering just the smallest bit, as subtle as possible, because she knew that others were in the exact same position as her, as they were. Everyone tried to ignore the couple in the corner, pledging to survive and reunite at the end even when they knew that survival was as likely as there being enough food for everyone to be happy.

A fucking joke.

I cocooned the two children in my arms and rejected the mere thought that they would die. They were different from the others. This whole class was different from the others before them because they didn't have me. They didn't have the fire that could fight the fire.

I would protect my children,

I would protect my friends,

I would save humanity.

As I watched two cadets fighting off to the side, arms flailing in dramatic gestures meant to explain their points, I couldn't help but chuckle.

The hilarity of the matter was that humanity only had to be kind to be saved.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

~Levi~ (early morning of the Trost attack, a few hours before)

Something was wrong.

Things had settled down a little after the revelation that the giant gaping hole spitting out titans in our general direction was blocked. The cadets were inspired and energized by a rousing speech done by none other than Commander Eyebrows himself about God and fulfilling their duties or something similar. It stunk heavily of bullshit because Levi knew for a fact that Erwin didn't believe in anything but himself and his judgments on everyone else.

Levi had made sure to make his own speech when his squad broke off from the main hoard of wide eyed newbies. It may not have been the greatest speech but at least it was truthful.

People other than Hanji were positive for once because now, finally, the hunters have become the hunted. The death count was still high but there was hope and that's what people loved to focus on, what they needed to focus on. Things were going as well as they could be. Even the occasional intervention and unnecessarily deep talks from Hanji or didn't stop Levi from realizing that this was probably the greatest it's ever been.

Everyone had settled comfortably into the new way of life on the walls and the occasional half decent building in Maria. There were things that they came to accept as the norm, such as the view of bloated of toothpick thin giants lumbering in the distance with very few clawing at the wall beneath them. So when Levi looked at the distance to Wall Rose expecting to see the silhouettes of large figures in the morning light and instead seeing nothing but blurry rocks and trees he knew something was wrong.

The tea hanging by the tips of his fingers grew cold in its cup as he stood there staring into the distance and thinking on just why there weren't any titans nearby. Despite all efforts, they still hadn't come close to eradicating them all from Maria and there was still a significant titan population according to the reports from around the Wall.

There weren't any expeditions scheduled recently and no gate openings anytime soon so neither could be what attracted their attention. Levi shifted to look over the other edge where the boulder still held strong against the occasional hit of outside titans and found a small hoard pounding and clawing at the stone below. Apparently whatever had drawn the inner titans had also drawn the outer ones.

"You didn't sleep again"

For such a loud person Hanji was annoyingly good at sneaking up on people.

Levi didn't answer.

"You can't keep doing this, Levi" they sighed uncharacteristically and stepped a little closer, "If this continues you will either get seriously injured and discharged or die"

Levi shrugged their hand off his shoulder but they put it back with double the force.

"It's been years, Levi"

He knew.

"Obviously something happened"

Levi focused back on the writhing mass of titans that Hanji should have been focusing on instead of his wellbeing.

"Levi!" They raised their voice, annoyingly strong arms spun me around to face them and Levi had to quickly divert his eyes so he wouldn't have to face the concerned fogginess of Hanji's glasses.

"Whatever it was, whoever it was," Levi tensed, "whoever...you need to learn how to Live without them"

 _I don't know how_

"What you've been doing these past few years is everything but Living and people need their Captain back, not just and empty man that's been found one too many times drowning in sorrow mixed alcohol"

He hated when they got dramatic like that, talking like a fucking book. He needed to distract them before this stupid thing continued.

"It's time you let-" "Hanji!"

They startled a little at the sudden volume and Levi used the slip to shake away from their grasp.

"Look" He commanded, pointing down at the hoard. It didn't take long for their usual dopey expression to take over their face. He quickly directed their attention towards their other horizon that was suspiciously barren before they started drooling. Levi let out a small breath of relief and then hardened himself for the undoubtedly hecktick day ahead.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It didn't take long for Hanji to blurt out that the only record of such a massive hoard approaching the wall at once was when the gates had been breached. Levi strode purposefully across the wall shouting orders at bleary eyed soldiers just emerging from under their blankets and leaving frantic chaos behind him as they all tried to obey. He called for Erwin and for his squad, shouting over the noise and suddenly finding it very hard not to curse his height. His squad converged on him and flowed along in his wake as he plowed through the other soldiers to get to the ascension platform. Petra asked something about permission but Levi waved her off, explaining the situation in quick stilted sentences that barely travelled over the growing clatter around them.

They finally reached the platform, every member of the special ops squad marching on determinedly as Levi snapped quickly at a passing cadet to man the device and then they all waited for the ground to reach them. They all knew the mission and they all knew they would have to get there as fast as they could.

Early on they had built a stable in the crook between the boulder and the wall, just out of the way so that any clumsy footwork wouldn't accidentally take it out. They saddled their horses and set off at breakneck speed.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

~Eren~

It was wishful thinking.

How could he have been so naive?

He couldn't protect everyone and now...he didn't even want to try to count.

The moment they had stepped back into the city their world had been covered in a sticky red that just kept spreading no matter how much he tried to stop it. Armin trembled at my side and for the first time since we joined the cadets, I regretted making him sign up. Mikasa was separated from us and sent to the back. My only comfort was the lack of titans in her area.

Not being able to change freely limited me in a way I had never felt before. I felt close to useless even though I knew that I was one of the best cadets in my class. It didn't matter what mark I got because my friends were still dying around me and I couldn't do anything in such a small form. If I were bigger, if I were my true self, then maybe...

There was no guarantee

A titan attacked from the right, popping up from the street to the roof in a swift jump before crashing back down with a limp and bloody cadet between its molars. Some shrieked in horror while others and I leaped into action, swinging around to incapacitate and kill. No matter what I did someone still died.

The group slowly but surely thinned out until there were only three.

It didn't take long for the third to turn tail.

Armin would barely move now, everything seemed lost to him. Titans approached from all sides, not many, but still too much for only two people, even if one was trained by Levi. I could hear Armin whimpering, his defeat obvious and depressing as it nailed him to the roof at our feet. A quick glance around revealed our true isolation and brought an opportunity. Perhaps now was the time?

"Armin!" I shouted as I grabbed hold of him. His eyes were focused on his death as it approached but right then I needed him to focus on me. "Armin I need you to focus!" His eyes finally snapped to me and I tried to smile.

"I need you to make sure they don't kill me"

Armin looked confused and then hurt. Maybe he thought I was talking about the titans.

"Promise me you won't let anyone try to kill me"

I didn't wait for him to respond, he probably didn't understand yet and there wasn't much time to explain. I turned to face the slow moving titans and promptly jumped off the roof. I could just barely hear Armin cry out before the world was colored grey.

Finally I could do something.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

~Levi~ (several hours after above)

It took an obscene amount of time to ride from one Wall to the next. By the time Levi's squad caught sight of the wall ahead, the sun had already passed high noon and was quickly dipping into the earth. The missing titans were found right after as some of them still waddled slowly towards the wall where a gate used to be. Even from the distance that they were at they could tell that the gate was missing.

Levi silently pushed his horse faster, trusting that his squad would follow suit. They didn't have any time to waste. Who knows how long the gate had been gone, how many people had already died while they were just riding out.

The closer they got the more they could hear and what surprised them the most was the lack of any screams of terror or panic. There was yelling but it was confident and stable, not frantic. The mystery continued as a titan stumbled in front of the missing gate, a boulder placed solidly on its shoulders and inched closer and closer to the hole with every step it took.

Oluo yelped in surprise and the others stuttered out replies and requests for orders but Levi didn't listen. Levi was too focused on the embodiment of all that caused him pain and couldn't look away.

Stringy brown hair,

pointed ears,

long hooked nose,

lipless mouth,

muscled body.

It was still alive and I still had nothing to loose.

I charged in, going faster than I ever did before, leaving my squad in the dust as they shouted after me. The moment I got close enough to start thinking about 3DMG the thing slammed the boulder straight into the hole, plugging it for good.

I wasn't fazed

I leaped off my horse, letting my squad deal with it and flung myself into the air, cables shooting out and propelling me up the wall where I hovered suspended in the wind above the chaos that was Trost before I fell. A quick jab of a cable and I was controlling my descent, my eyes trained on the neck of the fucking thing that killed my families. My eyes shone with murder and my mouth twisted into a smile.

Then the steam exploded and the next thing I know the monster is slumped to the side and disintegrating.

I land with a heavy thump that echoed my own beating heart. What happened? I didn't do it, I wasn't able to do it.

My grip tightened on the handles of my sword and I had to restrain myself from flinging them away from me but I couldn't hold back the growl that tore through me and onto the wind. I howled at the unfairness of the world, something I should have already known but keep forgetting because of stupid shit like hope.

I couldn't handle it anymore.

Why can't I just...

"Levi?"

Silver met ocean green and all was forgotten.

Hope blossomed anew


	30. Chapter 30

**Just so everyone gets a feel for the flashbacks. feedback is welcome and if you want to suggest a person for a flashback you can.**

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Flashback

~pov change~

"I love him."

Nothing happened, no one answered. Unbelievably anticlimactic considering it was the first time I had ever said it out loud.

"I'm not sick I just...how could this be a sickness? A disease?

I don't think I've ever been happier"

Only the soft rustling of fabric responded to my confession and I sucked in a lungful of air before continuing the speech I'd been composing since I first laid eyes on him.

"You can't choose who you fall in love with, no one can. Those who think they can are lying to themselves"

My fingers twitched and fidgeted around each other and the moment I realized I tore them apart as calmly as I could before setting them lightly on the top of my thighs. Don't show weakness. Show that even though you might be... show that you're still strong.

I looked up to the sky where the moon hung heavily in the dark.

"Just because I'm a man and so is he doesn't mean we can't love each other. If anything it helps with keeping the population down since we can't have children. Things like this should be supported because it could help, not punished and shamed!"

My breath came heavier as my frustration grew.

"... there's nothing wrong with us"

"You're right, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you"

It had been the first time he'd spoken in a while and it startled me but I didn't turn to look.

"You don't need to explain yourself to me, there is nothing unnatural about your situation. You're two teens in love surrounded by people who try to tame it because they forgot that love was an emotion and you can't help what you feel"

A hand that I would have normally slapped away slid onto my shoulder and I sagged with the touch, a tension in the core of my being loosening.

"You are exactly like them when they love and they have no right to judge you or me for who we fall for"

My head snapped round to look at him so fast that my neck cracked. I could barely believe what I was hearing.

"My love is the strongest person I have ever known"

He smiled.

I could barely wrap my mind around the fact that there were others, well of course there were others but I never thought they were so close, and that there could be more in their class! How many of them were there? Did they all have someone? Who had they told of their situation?

So many questions and such a reluctance to ask them of this particular guy.

"Don't ever let others decide who you are. Discover it yourself and own it, gather a group of people who accept you and live your life. There's no need to trip yourself up trying to reason with people who have no plans of being reasoned with"

He pushed himself up and inched away from the rock ledge they'd both been sitting on. He stretched his arms high in the air and looked back at me with a childlike grin smeared across his face.

Only when it was gone did I notice how terribly old he had looked, not in his face but in his eyes.

"It's getting later and later," He said, "and we both have training tomorrow so I suggest you get some sleep before it's too late"

He shifted back towards the line of trees and started off in a light jog. Before he dissapeared into the forest and all was forgotten in the morning where we would both be at each others throats in a way that should have been enemy-like but instead came out as a sibling squabble, I called out to him.

"Thank you, Eren"

He didn't turn as he called back a good night.

In that moment my love and respect for that annoying lump of a soldier grew without regret and with the comforting knowledge that every second of that moment would be forcefully ejected from my brain. At least the fact that it was Eren who I was talking too. It was bad to throw away good advice.

When morning arrived and the twin bags under the both of our eyes were the only remnants left of a conversation struck up under the midnight moon overlooking a precipice, I couldn't help but wonder why Eren was there. Had he followed me? As we squabbled and bickered over nothing and nothing I couldn't help but wonder...

What would I have done if he hadn't been there?

The thought drifted away to hide in the shadows of my mind as a boy with pitch black hair and a constellation of freckles splattered across his face walked by in the distance. Our argument stopped and Eren smiled as he stepped aside. I didn't look at him as I passed.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

~Eren~

My mind stalled and for a moment I didn't know what I was seeing. My goal had always been clear, find Levi, but it had been so long.

When did the goal become more like a dream?

I was exhausted. My shoulders hunched under the weight of my actions but I had to move, I had to see if the dream was real. I shot forward as fast as I could, fingers reaching across the finally closing distance before wrapping and gripping at any part of my angel. His own hands burying themselves in my back and his face in the crook of my neck. I inhaled the scent that was Levi and finally, after years, I felt my mind relax.

We were finally together again, finally back to how it was.

"You killed it

It was mumbled and I barely heard it over my chants of his name.

"I thought you were dead"

I hushed him with a kiss and leaned my forehead against his, eyes closed in complete bliss.

"I love you" I breathed with my whole being, "I love you, I love you, I love you so much I missed you"

"I thought you were dead" He repeated but I didn't respond. It was not the time to linger on depressing thoughts. His arms gripped me tighter, pulling me closer as he tilted his head and breathed his live in my ear. I shivered at the ecstasy that rolled throughout my body, pushing me to capture his mouth in a breathless kiss that displayed our mutual desperation.

The zip of incoming cables separated us but neither he nor I strayed too far, arms brushing as we waited for the other soldiers to arrive. They landed not long after, all rushing forwards and stalling the moment they noticed Levi.

"Sir?"

A blur of black and red swung out of the surrounding steam and suddenly I had an armful of Mikasa, gripping me almost as desperately as Levi had.

"Have all the titans been cleared?" I heard Levi ask but my attention had fallen to the shake of Mikasa's shoulders. I pulled her closer, gently resting a hand on her head. I lowered my voice just enough for only her to hear.

"I've got you"

She shuddered and followed with a nod.

"Not yet sir, there are still a few nearer to the Rose gate. Could we ask you to assist us in clearing them?"

I looked up, finally coming back to the conversation and found Levi staring from the corner of his eye. His gaze lingered around Mikasa in my arms before turning back to the crowding soldiers and agreeing easily. Mikasa slowly freed me from her death grip and stepped back. She tugged at her scarf and smiled tiredly before the red of the cloth covered it.

"Eren," Levi called. I saw Mikasa startle at the familiar name but unfamiliar person it came from and reached out to sooth her. Levi's eyes followed. "You're coming with me"

It wasn't a question. Even if it was, there was no way I was saying no. I nodded and almost grabbed for his hand before I remembered where we were. He glanced briefly at my hand as it fell back to my side, his own hand flexing and curling with the effort not to do the same I had. He quickly turned and ran for the closest house, shot his cables and flew gracefully into the sky. I stumbled a bit as I followed, too caught up in the beauty of my angel's flight. The sound of pressurized steam and the zing of wires behind me were the only indications that the others had followed.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Flashback

~pov change~

Mikasa wouldn't stop shaking.

It had been just a few hours since Shadis had confiscated her blanket but she was inconsolable.

Did she even know I was there?

Eren had gone off somewhere leaving me in charge, something I used to be familiar with but...but not anymore. What was I supposed to do?

I tried to touch her, to rub soothing circles into her back, something I vaguely remember seeing Eren doing once, but she fell to the floor in her haste to get away. I stayed well away after that.

She sat in the corner of the girls barracks, her back to the pinched wall and her front shielded by her knees. At every noise she pressed herself farther into the corner, her shoulders folding in at what must have been an unbelievably awkward position so that her spine could get as close to the connected walls as it could. I sat on the bed closest to her but still far enough away not to seem like a threat.

It may be cruel to think, but I was happy.

This shivering and quivering mess was the Mikasa I remembered. This broken human being was My Mikasa, the one who existed beside me in a cage just as I existed in mine. My only companion during the revelation of what humanity truly was. She was the only one I could talk to, my only confidant.

In the beginning it was rare that she would talk. A sentence maybe every other week, maybe every other day, every other month? What time existed when in the dark? After darkness that lasted eternities she didn't talk at all and suddenly there she was, My Mikasa. The being born in that cage that housed her and cultivated the nightmares that woke me to banging bars and laboured breaths.

Even those stopped after awhile.

Eren had been gone a long time.

Time was much easier to tell when in the sun.

Where could he have possibly gone? Why would he leave Mikasa after how she attacked herself to him?

Could it be that this was the time to take her back?

With Eren abandoning her she would have no reason to stay in the army. It would be us against the cruel once more. It would be us free and together.

I inched closer to her, a soft smile curling on my lips as I whispered, careful not to startle her, "I don't think we're meant for the army, Mikasa"

Her eyes rolled to stare at me from widespread eyelids, eyelashes wet with sweat lining them. I continued.

"This was Eren's idea and I know how much you love him but why would he ask you to risk your life? I can't help but feel he doesn't care for us as much as he pretends he does."

She shook her head but it wasn't decisive in the usual way her actions were whenever Eren was brought up. I took it as a good sign.

"He didn't tell me where he was going, Mikasa. He's usually here when you get like this...I wonder if..."

Plant the seed,

"We should just go back to the house. We could find a job and live there until we find something else. Maybe we could live out in the country, just the two of us. Just an open field wherever you look and no one to tel us what to do."

and reap what you sow.

"We would be free from our cages, Mikasa. No war to fight and no monsters to hide from"

Her fave twitched, her hands shook, and I could see the doubt in the way here brow creased. It was almost there. I could taste our freedom.

But then she froze, and her face smoothed to something almost pleasant.

Her eyes drifted to something behind me and when I glanced back I saw a goofily grinning Eren holding up a tattered piece of the confiscated blanket.

"I figured if we just made it into a scarf Shadis couldn't complain" He smiled but then frowned as he confessed his lack of skill in the area of sowing.

I stared at the secret titan until I heard the soft swish of hair shifting behind me and suddenly Mikasa was at my side.

"I," she started, voice low so a mumbling Eren wouldn't hear, "am already free"

I turned to her as she turned to me and pierced me with sharp silver.

"I don't think you ever left your cage"

She stumbled over to Eren where they continued to talk quietly to each other while I stayed on the bed, petrified by the truth of the statement.

"Armin!" Eren called, "Join us!"

I shook my head.

I couldn't.

Not yet.


	31. Chapter 31

**It's been awhile, nice to see you. There is a little Eren and Levi stuff here but not much. Just be patient, they need to get their own room first. Hope you like the flashbacks and hope you enjoy. Please and thank you leave a comment.**

 **Sincerely,**

 _ **Shadow on'nanoko.**_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

~Eren~

Levi had been called away to a meeting of some sort which left me with too much time on my jittery hands, still shaking from the sudden shock of Levi reintroduced to my system.

He hadn't wanted to go. When he was forced to he had asked if I could go but no one else saw the benefit of having a fresh out of training cadet in a meeting for higher ups even if I was the one who had 'killed' the berserker titan.

I was told to wait outside.

Members of my class flitted in and out of the building, some lingering in the courtyard and a few trying to hide in the dark corners of the hallways to get out of cleanup duty. I sidled up to a endow on the same level as the ground and scanned the shifting crowds to find any trace of my children. I hadn't seen either of them since before my transformation did I was anxious to know how they were.

The thump of a body did the shift of military issued clothes drew my attention to just beside the window where one Jean Horse-face found himself sitting against the wall. I smiled at the opportunity to ignore the rising anxiety and smirked the smirk I only smirked when the smirking horse was around and smirking. I could already feel my worry ebbing.

But Jean wasn't smirking.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

~pov change~

"Thank you" I said with a smile. Shaggy brown hair flipped as the head it was attached to whipped around to face me. He didn't break eye contact as he gently whispered something to his shadow. It only took a few seconds for us to be alone with no black haired shadows lurking nearby.

"What for?"

I'm truth I didn't really know what I was thanking him for. It had just been a passing statement that some advice had been given and that was that. But I knew that it wasn't just that.

The way he had walked to me, so filled with confidence and a powerful pride that hadn't been there just hours before spoke volumes on how it wasn't just that. The way he had touched me, actually touched me instead of flinching as if burned every time he reached out to hold. The way he had smiled like the sun was in his very teeth, his lips splitting apart in the hopes that the rest of the world would catch some of his rays.

I couldn't help smiling just as wide and the green eyes across from me crinkled in joyful wrinkles that crackled their knowledge. I didn't have to tell him what for.

"It was already in his head" He chuckled, "He just needed to know he wasn't alone"

I hid my surprise. The path to wide acceptance is paved with nonchalance over matters that were thought of anything but.

"Thank you" I said again, unable to think of anything else that could possibly explain how grateful I was. He waved it off with a flick of his wrist and let his eyes drift towards the gaggle of giggling cadets who all took turns poking something far too dead. I turned to watch as the bravest girl, a brunet with her hair pulled back and much more than a few freckles picked the poor creature up by its limp leg and tossed it towards a stranger of the crowd, a bob-cut blond who flinched mightily when the thing went sailing his way. The shadow stepped in, whacking the animal from the air with a discarded stick left in the dirt by one of the many people who had poked the thing originally. There was a moment of pause where they all noticed the shadow, not used to seeing her without her person by her side. The blond offered a strained smile that was accepted just as the shadow slunk away.

The shoulders beside me heaved with a sigh so weary it couldn't have come from anyone so young.

"They aren't supposed to be like that"

It was almost parental the way he talked of them. A father shaking his head at his two children who just wouldn't get along.

"I shouldn't have brought them"

I observed him closely from the corner of my eye.

"They don't want to be here?"

It took him longer than it should to reply. "I don't know" He looked back at the secluded bobbed blond and brushed over the darker areas of the camp where his shadow might be resting. "I think she might want to be here but I'm almost certain that it's only because I'm here and he," He tips his head towards the blond, "is only here because she is"

The shadow of the shadow, huh.

"I hate to admit it but I think she's willing to die for me and him for her" He swallowed and breathed a soft, "so young"

The irony that we were all around tge same agd wasnt losg on me but I couldn't help but agree to the tragedy of them being so young and yet so old.

But then again,

"Everyone here is willing to die for whatever reason they had for joining the militia" the setting sun glowed in a slow burning finale that lead the wind to whisper soft murmurs of long lasting sorrow, "Every single person in our class knows that after training is almost certain death and yet they are all willing to do it, to die"

I shifted to face him with a face filled with serene bliss.

"The difference between us and them, Eren, is that we are ready to die"

The nod is slow, almost solemn like, but no comfort was needed.

We were ready to die.

The hard part was being ready to live if you survived.

Perhaps we were the greatest tragedy amongst a cluster of stories meant to make the reader cry.

"Protect them so they don't have to get anywhere close to being ready" He looked at me and I saw fire in his eyes but he turned away quick with a grumble that he knew and I couldn't grasp what had made his eyes seem like a flame.

I smiled at him and patted his shoulder before striding towards the other cadets. I believed he would try, of course he would try, but the stone in my gut grew heavier and I knew.

Tragedies will always be Tragedies.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

~Eren~

"I can't find him"

My heart sank and the worry hit like a boulder to the face.

"Who?"

He didn't answer, just looked at me from under his two toned hair with his eyes that were too red and I knew.

"Maybe he's just-"

"I can't find him" He forced out and I tried not to flinch at the pain in his words. "I looked everywhere, asked everyone, don't tell me maybe"

I leaned heavily on my arms and averted my eyes from the breaking man because that's what he was, a man who was broken, a man. In a world saturated with fear, where everyone was beaten inside and out, where not even love could find a way there were no children.

He didn't sob and he didn't whimper but the dip of his head between his knees and the shake of his shoulders gave away much more than he no doubt wanted.

"I know," I whisper as quietly as I could, "I'm-" sorry? Of course I'm sorry. I'm sorry that this happened I'm sorry that it happened to him but...

He was ready

Saying sorry was the shittiest thing I could say.

I took my time reaching over, my fingers sliding through his hair and teasing his own from their tearing grip. We didn't say anything. We couldn't.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

~Levi~

My leg wouldn't stop moving. The soles of my shoes tapping a steady tattoo on the tone floor, hidden from view by the bare table. Beside me Erwin had clenched his fist one too many times for it to be a simple flex of the hand. Around the table the irritation was palpable and even Hanji seemed to be on the verge of snapping. I glanced around the table, meeting every persons eye and with the amazing ability I gained from insulting everyone I came across I visually swore at them with my gaze.

None were brave enough to ask me to stop.

Not that I would if they had asked me. There probably wasn't anything in this whole shifty world that would get me to stop fidgeting.

Except Eren of course.

And there was the source of the fidgeting.

Eren wasn't allowed in the fucking room which still managed to piss me off because Eren was out there, waiting, and those dipshits who've been talking about the same thing for half an hour still haven't come up with any idea as to what's going on.

"We still have no idea where it came from!" Some sweaty MP whimpered. "Reports say that no one saw it entering but suddenly it was thrashing around in the thick of the action!"

Another slammed their hands against the table and pushed themself up above everyone else in an attempt to gain control of the room. "What we should really be focusing on is what if there are others like it out there? We've already seen the armored and the colossal, with another just popping up in the middle of our own city it's a very likely possibility that there are more out there!"

A murmur swept through the room with agreements all around. It was a possibility that no one could ignore. It was also something that no one could do anything about.

"We're like sitting ducks" floated over from the right side of the table and suddenly Erwin was diving headfirst into the depressed minds of many high ranked officials, planting his seeds of twisted hope that made it look like he had a plan, a plan that would work.

A plan that he most certainly did not have.

My tapping increased and finally someone snapped.

"Captain Levi," They barked, stern eyes boring into my unrepentant ones, "it seems your mind is occupied with other matters so you may be excused from this meeting" They turned swiftly to look straight at Erwin when they spouted a stupid line saying that they were sure Erwin wouldn't mind taking notes for me. The fucking asshole.

I practically threw the chair across the room trying to get out of it as quickly as possible and didn't so much as glance at anyone as I slipped out the door. The hallway was empty, well mostly. Eren stood on the far side leaning against a window, observing the organized bustle just outside. The dying sun drifted through his still long brien hair and it took a moment to wonder for the first time how he managed to get there.

I stepped forward, arm reaching out and hand slipping around the bicep of the arm he was leaning on. I pulled myself close and breathed in the scent of sweat, dirt, and Eren. He hadn't startled when I pressed myself to his back but he didn't move either. It took longer than it should have for me to notice how one of his arms extended just outside the window and was tangled in some crumpled soldiers hair.

I nudged his ear with my nose and, one I jot his attention, raised an eyebrow at the strange scene. His bushy brows that had somehow endeared themselves to me long ago pulled together in a confused crinkle before smoothing into a look of complete pity and sorrow. He leaned closer and whispered as softly as he could, "He lost his...person" Then he raised his eyebrows in a way that suggested there was far more to that sentence than there appeared to be and it only took a few ticks on my brain to catch on.

Oh.

I looked at the poor sob and actually felt sorry for him. I knew exactly what it was like loosing your...person, as Eren had said it. The memory ate at my current happiness and I snuggled in close to my favorite heater to stave off the cold. A few kisses placed here and there showed only specs of my joy at finally being able to follow this again.

"I love you" He titled his head to see me.

"I love you more" He smiled when I habbed him in the side.

"EREN"

Suddenly he was alert, eyes darting everywhichway and zeroing in on some red head who's hair was pulled back in a loose pony tail and a goofey smile plastered all over her face. She jogged towards us as I slipped away from Eren's personal space and scowled at her for interrupting. The kid on the ground had straightened up and was trying to look nonchalant but wasn't quite making it what with the red swell of his eyes and the shine to his cheeks. The redhead didn't even glance at the clearly distressed soldier, only looking at Eren as she spat out rapid fire question concerning his health and the others. Apparently some Mikasa and Armin were doing a shift on clean up.

It was when she tried to pull him through the window to take him to the other cadets that he stepped in and grabbed hold of what's his.

"Eren's coming with me, straight to HQ on the Wall"

The shock on all three of their faces would have made MD laugh if I was the laughing type of man.

"But-" Eren started but was quickly shot down by a glare from me. The redhead and distressed teen were still confused though and the rudely formed question of who I was just seemed to Tumblr from their mouths. I sent an icy glare their way and answered cooly, "I'm Captain Levi of the Survey Corps"

Redhead seemed to deflate and bid goodbye to an incredibly confused Eren and slipped away.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

~pov change~

It had happened a few times, finding scattered bones of much larger animals than I usually caught across the forest floor. By now I knew the reason.

"Eren?" I called out. Only seconds later Eren crept from his hiding place and waved a welcoming hand.

He already had a fire going and a few hunts of meat sitting close by. A few pieces were very obviously missing but I didn't point it out. I grinned with every tooth I could and almost growled when I heard my stomach grumble.

Today had been stressful.

The fire was going nice and hot and the meat was cooked. Eren sat beside me in his usual spot, devouring bird after bird.

"Hey Eren?"

He grunted gently as he carried on gnawing at the bone, chewing the cartilage and sucking on the marrow.

"Can I tell you a secret?" He paused. "If I tell you, you can't tell anyone else" He nodded tentatively and gently set the bone down.

I held my breath. I hadn't told anyone. Those closest was a nonverbal mutual understanding between Connie and I but that...I needed to say it.

"I eat when I'm scared"

My breath left me in a rush and suddenly I felt as light as air. I watched it sink in and could pinpoint the moment Eren made the connection with all those times where 'stupid potato girl' did it again. He didn't do what I had expected him to do; pat me on the back with a solemn frown and tell me I shouldn't be doing that. Instead he glances down at the medium sized pile of bones stacked beside my feet and then at the large stash of copper red skeletons and smiled.

"I'm scared when I'm eating"

It's so ridiculous that I start laughing but Eren doesn't even chuckle. Instant guilt crushes me and my laughter dies. He hadn't laughed at me and yet the moment he trusts me with something, no matter how weird it sounds, I laugh in his face. What kind of friend am I?

He shakes his head with a grim twitch of the lips and pats me gently on the back.

"It's okay," He says, "I understand" And I wish I understood but for the life of me I can't make heads or tails of what he said. Who was scared when they eat? Was he scared of what he was eating, the weight he'd gain, himself? It just didn't make sense and I felt like the worst kind of scum for not being able to be someone he could talk to, someone who could understand and talk back instead of just listen. Someone that he was willing to be for me.

"You're one of my best friends, you know that, Eren?"

This time he did chuckle and I counted it as a victory.

"You're one of my best friends too"

I never could find a word that could accurately describe how happy I felt to hear that.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


	32. Chapter 32

**Hello fellow fanfic lovers, how art thou? I know that I've been gone for awhile but I took some time off to celebrate my BIRTHDAY! SO, the only important thing in this chapter is really the flashback and I promise to get farther along in the next chapter, I think I'll start it with them reaching Maria. I'm planning on having some big action happening soon too. Also, I posted a drawing of my little villain, the one who only showed its fingers, on my tumblr which is secretlynuttytyrant and the place it was posted in is damn fic-art. so if anyone wants to see this cutie feel free to visit the site. As always, I hope you enjoy and comment. I read every single comment though I don't respond to all and I'm so grateful to all of you for all of your words. Have a good day and happy pride month.**

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

~Levi~

"What did you mean by that?"

I didn't answer. Eren stumbled as he tried to keep up with my determined strides that cut through the stream of soldiers flowing down the hall. The shock was wearing off, I needed to get away. How had I even managed to stay remotely level headed before? Eren followed, spouting out questions he'd already asked, getting progressively louder and quickly chipping away at my already thinning patience. My fingers twitched in the way they always did before an attack and I increased my speed, practically barrelling through anyone in between him and his assigned room.

"Levi!"

I didn't stop, I couldn't. Not now. A tight grip on my arm forced me to slow but I powered on, dragging Eren with me because we couldn't stop here we couldn't stay surrounded by bodies drenched in sweat and grime and oh my fuck how dirty is the hand on my arm? The germs crawled off the hand and sank into my sleeve that ground against my skin where they contaminated and multiplied and- "Levi?"

I wheezed and ripped my arm from his grip before giving up and charging for the nearest room. Two cadets were making happy time in a corner but a bark and a growl in their direction set them scattering out the door. I shirked my coat and threw it to the side, distancing myself from the fabric while I undid my cravat and tore at the buttons of the shirt. I heard the door close softly and only spared a glance at the figure standing stock still by the entrance. Eren's face was frozen in strange concern, mouth half open and eyes wide with hands twitching by his side. My own hands twitched and I hurried through the last of the buttons and slid the shirt from my shoulders. I slid my hands into my hair where the shivering of my fingers buried itself in the strands of black but I didn't keep them there, not with the slick oils building up on my scalp. God, everything was dirty.

"What are you doing?"

I don't know.

"Levi, what's wrong?"

I don't...

I stared at him.

"What's wrong?" My voice snapped over the stones of the room and made Eren flinch. "My fucking boyfriend shows up after fuck knows how many years when I thought that he was dead and is suddenly a soldier with a life I have no part in. I have what feels like boat loads of issues that involve PTSD, OCD and a few other things like paranoia. I've spent years building a new person who would be able to function without you or anyone, such a perfect creation that I have no clue how to act anymore. I'm so lost, trying to follow a path I closed off long ago and FUCK-" I heaved in a ragged breath and deepened my scowl. "I'm not the Levi I used to be, Eren. And I am confident when I say that you're not my Eren anymore either."

I watched as Eren breathed and bit his lips, eyes dancing from stone to stone but never meeting me. "I thought so." I could still feel the filth creeping along my arms and head and I sighed. Gesturing sharply at the clothes tossed to the floor I asked him to collect them and follow him. With most of the tension leaking away from the rant I was willing to risk the halls to get to a washroom. Eren followed.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

~Eren~

I could barely think. What the fuck was going on? We were supposed to continue with our life. We were supposed to be happy again, finally. Memories of nights filled with fresh blood and wet flesh splitting between my teeth blanketed the naive belief and forced the truth. Levi was right, we were different now, we weren't the same people who had planned to sneak into the walls, to live together in a house where we wouldn't have to worry about titans. The titans had breached the walls, we built lives away from each other, adapted differently. I ate humans.

Levi stalked through the halls, only a thin tank top covering his chest and yet still walking a if in full uniform. He was tenser than I remembered. He used to be able to relax, to smile some and laugh more but now...I could see the fabricated man in the lines of his back and the way his shoulders refused to slouch. We did change. Levi located a washing area and quickly drenched himself in the cool water, scrubbing at any part of him he could reach. I stepped forwards, the clothes in my arms rumpling as I hugged my torso anxiously.

"Levi..."

He didn't stop his scrubbing but a hum of acknowledgement kept me going. "I know that...we've changed. I was stupid thinking that things would be the same but..." I shuffled around for a better view of his face because I needed him to know I was serious. "I still want to try, with the new us."

Levi sighed, brushing the hair out of his face and tilting till his face was bathed in the sun. I tightened my arms. "Do you not?"

Levi chuckled, the smile bitter but highlighted with a touch of humour. "Of course I want to. I'm just not a patient man." I smiled and reached out but he flinched away. "What the fuck are you doing? Do you have any idea how filthy your hands are right now?" I glanced down at my hands and sure enough I could see the smears of dust and dirt mixed with sweat. I looked at him again, eyes wide and pleading. "But I wanna kiss you."

I couldn't help laughing when Levi choked.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

~pov change~

"I don't like you"

Eren looked away from Mikasa as she trained on the field, eyes fixing on me, their clear blue-green stunning me no matter how many times I've seen them.

"I gathered that"

He started to turn back but I rushed forwards. I had already planned the whole conversation and I was not backing out, I was not a coward.

"But-" I caught his attention once more. "At this point it's an irrational dislike."

Eren took a breath, swallowed and nodded. "Okay?"

I sighed. Did I really have to go through with this? "And since I've acknowledged that it's irrational I have to say thank you." Eren blinked. I looked out at the sun soaked field, watching as dust flew around the figure silhouetted by the light. "You've made her happy, made her resemble something that's actually been glued together instead of someone precariously built up with chipped and missing pieces."

I watched her as she kicked the air but my gaze dropped as a confession fell from my mouth.

"I wanted her to stay broken."

I looked out the corner of my eye to watch the titan and his reactions. He seemed calm so I continued.

"I thought it was bad that she was healing but I've realized..." I huffed out a breath. "Well, I think I was jealous of her."

We let silence reign for minutes, just breathing and watching, thinking on things that ached like a festering wound. He took a breath and I tensed but he nodded and stood, hand sliding gently onto my shoulder and squeezing.

"Everyone's different. It just takes time. Be patient."

He smiled but I grimaced. It was true that Eren knew a heap more than I but this was a subject I was sure he had almost no experience. I raised a weak glare but didn't budge his hand.

"How would you know?"

He paused, eyes drifting into scenes of the past that still remained frustratingly shrouded in fog.

"I used to know a very broken person." His eyes watered but his voice never wavered, " It took years for him to heal even a bit."

I hummed, slipping the information into the folder dedicated to the mystery that was Eren. I turned and raised a hand, "Truce?"

Eren glanced at the hand and smiled, sad.

"Armin, I was never fighting with you."

The truth in his voice echoed and shook free the carefully hidden guilt that refused to dissolve.

"I will continue as I have been, protecting and loving you to the extent that I can. I hope it's enough for you."

I took in a breath and nodded as it left me shakily.

Perhaps, with Eren there and Mikasa, I could begin to heal.

I pray.

(-Armin-)

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

~Eren~

"I'm not leaving you here, not after I just found you."

"I have people I have to look after."

"Then bring them along."

Levi circled around the room, checking to make sure that everything was packed away while I stared dumbfounded. I spluttered, hands flailing because was he serious?!

"Levi! They're cadets! They aren't scheduled to depart for another week or so, they can't just hop aboard!" I paused, thought a bit, "I'm a cadet too, I shouldn't even be going!"

Levi tilted his head, eyes glancing back at me and almost smiled. "Calm your tits, Eren. It's not like they didn't sign up to go out there, they'll be fine. Let me deal with Commander Eyebrows and the other pieces of shit."

He was right. Everyone had already signed up so it really didn't matter when they went. But would they be okay with it? I dreaded the moment I'd tell them.

"You were the one who said we should try. We won't be able to do anything if we're in completely different Walls."

Right again. He continued around the room, I stepped closer, sliding my arms around his waist and nuzzling the black of his hair. "I do want to try." I breathed him in, held him in my lungs and exhaled myself to cover him. "I love you so much, I can't...I don't want to give up." He sighed and leaned back. "I don't want to give up either, brat."

I smiled, turned him around and fused our lips together, almost chuckling at how hungry Levi was. He bit at my lips and I sucked at his tongue. It was dirty and Levi pushed away eventually but nothing, not even the sharp jab I took to my ribs, could dim my bliss.


	33. The Ilk

**Sorry for not updating for awhile. Hope you enjoy and please send in any comments you might have. See ya.**

 **Sincerely,**

 ** _Shado on'nanoko._**

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Chapter 33

~Eren~

It had been easier than thought to reach Wall Maria. The amount of titans within he Walls had dwindled to less terrifying numbers. Convincing Armin to go early was also easier than I had imagined. Having the assurance that we were going to be riding with Levi, humanities strongest fighter, and me, a titan myself, boosted his confidence and helped him decide to leave behind our classmates and jump ahead.

Saying goodbye was hard. I knew that some of them had chosen the garrison or the MP so I wouldn't see them anytime soon but the possibility that, while on their way to Wall Maria, some of these people I had come to know and care for could be attacked and die made the goodbyes sound all the more final.

Maria was a bustle of activity, small shacks set up, staggered across the stone floor. The cramped space between the shacks filled to the brim with rushing soldiers and shouting riders as they tried desperately to squeeze their horses through without trampling a fellow fighter.

Multiple lifts had been added to both sides of the Wall, raising and lowering supplies, horses, carts and soldiers without rest. The sun sank, casting long shadows across long faces that had seen too much but were ready to see much more. This was the Survey Corps. This was the military that faces nightmares and humans alike, never winning but never truly loosing either. This was the hope of humanity whether they knew it or not and I couldn't help but stand in awe, letting the sight wash over me as I finally let go of my shadows and joined the light.

Fingers wrapped around my arm, gripping tight and pulling me forward. I snapped back to Levi who dragged me through the crowd, glaring and shoving at anyone who dared block our path. I could hear Armin calling out just behind but his voice faded and drowned in the clatter and clash of sounds. Bodies shoved past and the clop of horse hooves strutted by, making it extremely hard to focus on anything for longer than a second. Faces blurred into colours, the colours pushed against my eyes and suddenly I could feel a headache coming on. Figures slid up against us and smoothly adjusted to our steps, bracketing Levi, gently forcing the stream to part around them without a word.

"Sir, is everything alright?

Ah, it was his team. They had flocked around him back at Rose, bickering and shouting like children around their mother. I had taken the chance to go find Mikasa and Armin, only returning when the gates were ready to be opened so there was no time to be introduced. Levi grunted and the Redhead nodded, turning to chatter with another in the group, an easy smile constantly fixed on her face. Levi's hand never faltered in its grip as he tugged me along. One on his team glanced back and locked on to me, his eyes narrowing before dropping and glaring at the fingers twined around my elbow.

"Who's this pipsqueak?"

His voice was gruff with a touch of comical confidence and I had to force myself not to break into a smile I knew wouldn't be appreciated. Levi ignored the man, he didn't even glance in his direction making the guy huff and puff out his chest.

"I bet the little shit fucked up. The captain doesn't like incompetent kids."

I'm not little...

"Can't wait to see him piss his pants in fear, mind if I join in the discipline captain?"

The others had stopped their chatter and finally took notice of the tail to their little group. Some smiled and shook their heads, obviously used to the brash and arrogant way of talking this man seemed to have while others scowled and seemed ready to chastise him. Levi growled and shot him with a piercing glare.

"This is Eren, Oluo." His grip softened but his stride never slowed. "He's my brother."

Oluo couldn't have been paler if he'd tried. The others eyes flipped back and forth between their captain and the person being dragged behind them, no doubt thinking how we looked nothing alike. I ignored their gazes and wrapped my own hand around Levi's arm much more gently than his and sent him a smile I was sure he could feel.

"But I thought you-"

"You obviously thought wrong"

The squad fell silent. Levi pushed me onto another lift, his team falling in behind me, and quickly signaled for it to be lowered. I took pity on the straining silence and introduced myself, asking gently for names in return. They answered curtly and the silence persisted until the lift hit the ground and we all stumbled off.

"What are we doing now, captain?" The red head, Petra, asked. Levi glanced at her then jerked his head back at me.

"I'm taking him to my living quarters while you go find the two new kids back there and get them something useful to do."

I could hear a soft groan that was immediately stifled when Levi glanced back.

"Who are these kids?" Gunter sighed, shooting a look back up the wall they had just gotten off. Levi grunted, "They're this brats," another jerk of the head at me, "close friends. Set them up with some cleaning."

Petra smiled while Oluo started to boast about something they hadn't even been talking about but was forced to stop due to the amount of blood gushing from his bitten tongue. I could practically feel Levi struggling not to roll his eyes before snapping at the strange group to fuck off and do what he said.

The team scattered and we continued on, stopping finally at a small hut squeezed between two larger houses. He shoved me through the door before striding in himself, his gaze brushing over everything and zeroing in on spots he deemed unclean. I looked around as he went to a cupboard and rustled around the contents. The hut was small, made for one person, noticeable by the presence of only one of everything. One bed, one table, one dresser, one cupboard, even only one chair. No space for guests or friends in his temporary house or his mind.

"It's...nice." I tried. Levi, from the corner he'd attacked with a rag and a broom. "It's small, I know. The smaller the better." He finished the corner and moved to the table. "The more space, the more you have to clean."

I nodded, looking around again and admitting quietly how clean the small room was. Levi paused, one hand buried in the rag while the other slid over the smooth grain of the only chair in the room. "I'll need to get a second..." I watched as he studied the rest of his house and nodded at every solo piece of cutlery and furniture. "You don't-" "But I want to."

He looked at me and I could feel the red rising in my cheeks. I shifted my gaze and shuffled my feet. A feeling akin to the sun settling in my stomach pushed out a smile and I barely managed to hold back a laugh as I said, "Okay."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

~pov change~

The roof was dirty, the only part of the cabin that no one cleaned on a regular basis. Twigs and leaves decayed under the sky, watching, unable to move. The light of the moon cast a different glow than the sun. The sun poors out light, bathing the world in yellow and orange, colours attributed to happiness and contentment. But the moon, the moon, it's white light is just that, a light that's blank, that only reveals. The night is the only time our world is shining true, showing it's true self for a few short hours before the sun comes back and the people wake to a world of cheerful obliviousness.

I stood at the edge, looking but never really seeing the moon as it hung in the sky. The decaying life beneath my bare feet seeped between my toes as they inched off the ledge of the roof. It wasn't high enough, I knew that, the ground was just a few feet below and it wasn't. high. enough. My hands floated off to the side, feeling the wind glide between my spread fingers, and I almost wished they were wings so I could carry myself up high where I could fall in peace.

My lungs caught and refused air, my eyes stung and my stomach churned. I could feel bile rising and the moon blurred in my vision. I grit my teeth and pursed my lips.

It would be easy. It would make things so much easier.

It could save lives.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?"

I refused to let the voice startle me. It was familiar, one of the other cadets. It didn't matter.

"The moon I mean." He continued. I ignored him, more focused was I on the brown sludge beneath my feet and the air that kissed the tips of my toes.

"I always preferred the sun, the daytime."

Ignorance.

"Night is lonely."

Idiotic.

"The only people who wander around at night are those looking for something they think the day couldn't give them."

A biased opinion of someone too saturated with yellow light.

A snicker sounded before the child continued. "Look at me, out wandering at night too. I wonder what I think the day, the time I have with others, can't offer me."

Unimportant and tiring.

"It's not high enough."

I know.

He paused, letting the quiet of the eyes of storms blow in.

"What will you do now?"

Find a taller building and climb to its room before it's too late.

Before it's...

Wide eyes and naked flesh, a putrid smell and grey colouring. Teethless mouth and jutting ribs. A disgusting sight that you could never unsee. Before it, before the Ilk comes, maybe I-

A whispering hush sounded behind me and I didn't need to turn to know that sickly grey fingers had crawled from my shadow, one pressed gently to wrinkled lips as they soothed with a satisfied smile.

I swallowed but didn't move. My eyes, already stinging from the light of the moon and the wind of the night wept silently, the only sign for the ignorant child below of my distress.

"Are you..."

He cut himself off and finally I turned my gaze upon him, his eyes wide and searching but never finding. It was too careful to be found out by such a puny thing. I burned him with my stare, forcing him back and away because even though he did this regularly, help people, draw them closer to him where they could depend on him and come to accept whatever flaws they may have, even though I knew he did this, watched him do it, I knew that this, me, it, was too much for this blissful child.

I watched him hesitate then walk away and smiled. It was too much for anyone, anyone but me. I felt cold fingertips brush against the back of my heels and shuddered out a breath.

I could do this.

I could handle this.

No one else.

I could deal with this.

I had to.

Even if it was too late.

The fingers smoothed over my calves and a breath huffed onto my skin. I shivered but didn't pull away.

"That's my girl."

Even if it was too late.

(Annie)

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

~Levi~

No word could describe how much I detested the very existence of one Hanji Zoe. They were the reason I made a point of having only one cup and one chair in my little house. If they didn't have an excuse to stay longer or keep them comfortable, they would leave sooner.

That was the theory anyways.

It irked me how easily they and Eren seemed to get along, quickly trading stories of the past me and laughing enough that one would think they'd die from lack of oxygen. I sat quietly in my only chair, holding my only mug filled to the brim with tea watching the two great messes of my life clash and morph into something close to siblings.

Would that make Hanji...my sibling in law?

I shuddered a at the thought.

"He's such a surly grump!" They cackled from the place they had made, leaning on Eren's shoulder. "I once made him a hate with a grumpy cat on it! Hit had a timer so throughout the day the frown on the grumpy pussy would get progressively deeper!" Eren chuckled and suddenly I felt very betrayed. How dare he.

They turned to me, goggles foggy in their excitement and asked me where the masterpiece had gone. I sneered at them and spat out that I'd immediately shoved the offending piece of clothing into the closest fire that may or may not have been the suspiciously started fire in Hanji's lab later that day. Hanji cackled at that and Eren snickered, a hand coming up quickly in an effort to hide it but fuck him he wasn't trying hard enough.

"Why the fuck are you here, shitty glasses?" I growled because God fucking damn it they were stealing my boyfriend. I needed them out now.

Hanji smacked their head with the palm of their hand, explaining that they had completely forgotten and thank you Levi for reminding me so I can stay even longer explaining it. I downed my tea and suddenly wished for it to be something a little bit harder.

"Erwin says that an expedition is coming up soon."

I glanced at them and the arm slung around Eren's shoulders.

"How soon?"

"Just a few days." I snapped my eyes to look at them, hoping they were joking because was Erwin trying to get all the fresh recruits killed immediately? What the fuck was he thinking? Hanji sighed and patted Eren's arm, leading me to notice how pale the man had gotten.

"Don't worry my dear-"

My dear?! What the flying fuck?!

"It's just a simple exercise, a test run so to say. We won't be going too far so there won't be many titans to deal with."

So we were testing thee new kids, showing them a taste of what the Survey Corps life is like before throwing them into it head first. Eren still hadn't returned to his normal colouring and I could tell he was thinking of those kids, his family.

"Tell Erwin," I said, not even looking at Hanji while I said it, my eyes focused solely on the wide eyes of Eren. "Tell him I understand and to notify me when the rest of the newbies get here. I'd like to hear a bit more of his plan."

Hanji nodded and turned on face Eren again, moth opening but I stopped them before they could talk. "Now, Hanji."

It was a growled order and they pouted while turning away and to the door. They mumbled something about them having a higher rank than me so they shouldn't be ordered around like that while they left through the door and finally it was just us again.

"How safe are the-"

"Never as safe as you want."

"How many di-"

"Too many."

"Will they be sa-"

"No."

"Do you think they'll d-"

"There's always the possibility."

Silence fell and Eren frowned. I could guess that none of those answers were the ones he want to hear but they were the truth. I left my empty mug on the table, the small chime much louder on the now quiet room, and went to him.

"No one knows what'll happen on an expedition." I slid my fingers over his tense shoulders then into his hair, pulling his head down to my height and tapping our foreheads together. "Even the training missions are dangerous." He closed his eyes and breathed, leaning into my touch, exhausted. I bumped his nose with mine and breathed in. "I'll try to protect them. I'll see if I can get them a safe position in the formating but I can't promise you anything." Eren nodded. "I can't guarantee they'll be okay. I wish I could."

Eren curved his hands around my sides, pulling me in even closer than before. He sighed out a thank you and kissed me gently. "I know you'll try."

It sounded pathetic when said back but that's all I could do, all I was capable of. I've tried so hard to keep certain people alive and every time they end up dead or missing. I clutched at Eren a little harder.

"You better try to stay alive." I commanded though it came out more like a plea. Eren smiled, a secret smile that he seemed to share only with himself. "Same goes for you." He shot back. I quirked a brow and dropped my head onto his shoulder, nuzzling into the warmth I found there, the comfort had yet to come back.

"I'll try."


	34. Chapter 34

**I'm not focusing on the female. That's it. She rally isn't that important at the moment. I hope you enjoy the little Annie part though. Hope you don't get too confused.**

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Chapter 34

~Eren~

"What the fuck is going on, Eren?"

Connie was almost perpetually confused. A teen considered a man with the heart of a child accompanied by the obliviousness of one. He spent more time asking what was going on than he did asking how others were feeling. He was the lovable todler-like classmate that everyone seemed fond of. Even I wasn't immune to his strange charm.

"What do you mean?"

He stared at me, confusion etched into his face as he gestured to the bustle around us and the hand gripped tightly to my shoulder.

"Something is obviously going on, people are preparing for something, and who the fuck is this?"

Christa, the Saint that she is, laid a soothing hand on Connie's arm and smiled gently at all around. "I'm almost positive that this is Captain Levi, Connie."

Connie paled.

His mouth flapped open and his voice stuttered. He was silenced by a harsh glare and a sharp "tch", and I could feel the fingers digging into the meat of my shoulder.

"Just...stop."

The order was growled and from the corner of my eye I could see the tendons in Levi's neck tensing. He turned to me as Connie shrank back into the group, shivering and whimpering that he was sorry. "I don't think I can be here much longer."

I frowned. Levi's trust issues had grown worse over the time we were apart. He didn't like talking to people he didn't know and hated being around those who seemed incompetent, unable to do their job and watch his back in battle. His mind was always set on a fight. How could he train his team to be better prepared for the next expedition. How could he make a move better, more deadly, faster. There was no room for casual life.

"Okay, I'll see you at training."

He nodded, took one last look at the fretting 104th and stalked away.

"Was he mad at me? By the Walls what if he hates me now! What kind of punishment would humanities strongest dish out?!"

I turned from the sight of Levi's back and focused on Connie's hunched shoulders and hysterical sobs. I sighed. "Connie, he's not going to punish you. I won't let him so don't worry." Connie blinked at me, eyes dry and grin bright.

Ymir eyed me as Connie wrapped his arms around my torso shouting something about a 'hug of love'. "And how will you do that?" She pulled Christa close and I admired their bravery as well as burned with jealousy that these actions were allowed of women yet kept from men.

"He listens to me. He's my brother."

A beat of silence sounded then was shattered by the ring of laughter. I rolled my eyes because of course, of course they don't believe me. I'd never even mentioned him before. Mikasa, always near, stepped forward from the shadow of a hut and laid cold eyes on the merry bunch.

"Eren speaks the truth." Behind her Armin nodded. The group calmed their giggles and instead traded uneasy glances. Sasha took the hand holding her stomach and set it on Connie's shoulder, leaning in close to study me. "He's really your brother?" I nodded. Her brow scrunched as Betholdt called out a 'how?'. He blushed as every eye turned to him and suddenly he was drenched in sweat. He stammered and chocked until Reiner slapped his back with an unnecessary amount of force.

"It's just – well uhhhhhhh... you've never even spoken of him and you, uh I'm sorry but, you look nothing alike."

He hid his face while the others turned their focus back to me. I smiled, "We aren't brother's by blood. He took care of me in the Underground but we..." I ruffled my hair, a little uncertain on this part. "got separated when he was recruited."

A round of oo's and aa's circled through the air and called the topic to a close. They had things to prepare for and the relationship between two soldiers weren't important in the grand scheme. Erwin called a meeting, dragging Levi away again which left Eren alone long enough to cause some havoc with his fellows. Needless to say the hidden liquor of almost every high ranking soldier attending the meeting would be sorely missed.

Gathered just inside Levis' cabin, around a table that also managed to get swiped from someones quarters, the 104th division drank and were merry. That is until Levi kicked down the door and froze every warm body with his glacial stair.

"What the fucking fuck."

Immediately there was a hasty chorus of voices chanting that 'Eren said it was okay!' and 'We need to get out of this house before we die!'. I watched, amused by the shadows growing on my angel's face. His eyes had almost completely sunk into the darkness of his anger when I took pity on him.

"We're only celebrating our reunion, Levi. Why don't you join us?"

I saw his eyes wander to the bottles stacked precariously by the bed. He swallowed and his lids shuddered. I frowned.

"No."

Sasha, an oblivious drunk just behind Connie, raised a sloshing glass and sailed across the floor to meet the short Captain by the door. "Awwwwwwwww~ don't be like that!" She whined and suddenly Connie was at her side. "You've just reunited with your brother, man!" He burped, "Let loose!"

Levi shoved through the duo, heading straight for me. He gripped tight to Armin's chair and tossed the child out of it, not even waiting to watch as the blond hit the floor with a huff of pain and proceeded to slide onto the now empty chair. He didn't look at any other person in the room, his eyes focusing on my face with the sharp explanation of, "I don't drink anymore."

The others turned away to focus on their buzzing minds leaving me alone with Levi and Armin who had yet to get up from the floor. I leaned in close, resting my chin on his shoulder and whispering in his ear, "I don't drink either.". His gaze flickered to my and back to the table where my hand curled around the only cup in the house and the liquid inside it. I rolled my eyes and grabbed his hand. As his fingertips brushed against the rim of the mug I murmured that this was my first drink and I hadn't even tasted it, I didn't want to. I saw the smile twist into being at the corner of his mouth and grinned at the accomplishment. We watched as the new soldiers sang and danced their way through the day and slumped their way through the next. It wouldn't be long before we were called out.

I surveyed the joyful chaos around us and wondered who would make it back.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

~pov change~

I woke to the early shuffling of garrison members just before dawn. They complained of the early time, the chill in the air and the black of the sky, of their missing candles. I slipped a hand beneath my mattress to check, hoping beyond hope that 'it' hadn't come in the night, sensing my plans and aiming to bring them to ruin.

The Ilk may have me trapped now but I am strong.

I will win.

I must.

Work began; both the chores given by the Garrison and the orders given by the Ilk. Memorize the layout, locate the one most vulnerable, wait for the next orders, that's my girl.

It always said it, a show of who's in charge, that I was simply a child, a girl, and so easy to command like the mind of an infant. But I was never child and am no girl. I am a soldier and soldiers fight.

I couldn't let it know. That night had been a lapse in judgment, alerting it of my unwillingness to be part of its death parade. The candles were a risk. If the Ilk saw, it would know I was plotting. With the candles I would be able to speak freely. With the candles I would breath at last.

With no solid shadow around the burning flames it wouldn't be able to rise from the darkness and drag me down.

I shuddered at the memory of the world below our feet. A world of darkness where no light could penetrate and heat died. Sound withered and movement stopped. The best torture I'd ever come across. It brought in results, breaking the desired target till it begged to follow its orders, to be the grime under its feet because anything was better than the absolute nothingness that seemed to shove down your throat and burrow into your ears till it bled from your eyes.

It had worked on them.

I could still remember our screams as we were pulled out. We cried for mercy and screamed our thanks, our loyalty to a creature who had fallen so far it could live in that world and not feel its sense of being shrivelling up till it amounted to a wrinkled pea that just kept getting mashed. We crawled on our knees in the pursuit of its feet. We bent and bathed the wretched smelling appendage with our tongues, the tips slipping into the creases between each toe over and over again, willing to do anything to stay out.

The Ilk had laughed its breathy ghost of a chuckle as it watched us degrade ourselves in the hopes that our lives would be spared with our sanity intact.

Our lives had been spared. For the moment.

Our sanity couldn't be guaranteed.

I could still feel the slime of the dark slithering around my skull and I would wretch in an attempt to get it out but the place had hooks in my mind that tugged and pulled till I was shredded on the floor drowning in my own tears.

The Ilk wanted something. No one knew exactly what it was but we would theorize. Every theory was too horrific to imagine coming to pass and they all pointed to one singular fact that we all knew.

The Ilk must die.

I brushed against the candles again once the garrison laid down to sleep and risked a smile. It dissapeared the moment a pungent oder floated across my face and the tickle of cold fingers stroked my shoulder where it peeked out of the covers.

That's it.

Grow trusting.

Grow blind.

You won't even see me coming.

"That's my girl." The Ilk hissed.

(-Annie-)

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

~Eren~

We had barely even left the walls when I smelled her.

She was smart though. I used to admire her for that. She waited for the squadron to distance themselves from the safety of the walls. I signaled to Armin that something was wrong and warned Levi to keep an eye out.

She attacked the left flank, decimating it without even slowing and quickly made her way inwards. Orders flew and coloured gass shot into the air, warning others of the danger. I didn't have to look to know what was going on. She had always been ruthless, willing to kill at any opportunity. Her abilities made her almost impossible to kill which made her feared yet adored.

No one could kill like she did.

I could still remember the first attack I'd ever seen her perform. It was beautiful. The sharp spray of blood, the scrumptious curves of a broken form. Now they sickened me, forced my mind to collapse into a dark rage.

Perhaps it was time.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

~Mikasa~

The trees are big.

Even scared we stare at them.

Eren didn't stare

Eren didn't look scared.

The brother flew away.

We kept riding.

Titan at our heels.

Dark at our minds.

Friends scream.

Strangers scream.

Don't look back Eren says.

I don't look.

I already see them.

They're ground into dirt and tree.

I don't need to look back.

We find cover and hide.

Armin shakes and I hold.

Eren leaves.

"Don't follow me, okay?"

Not okay.

"I'll...I'll be back...I promise."

No.

No promise.

"Armin, make sure you've got her."

Armin holds tight.

"It's gonna be alright. I'll make it alright."

He left.

Armin holds.

I follow.

Noise everywhere.

Crashing feet and yelling ants.

Where is Eren?

I follow the crash.

Two titans fighting.

Titans hate?

One on the ground.

Headless.

One less to face.

It's neck dissolves and steam covers.

The Female reaches out to grab.

Eren comes from the steam between the fingers of a giant.

Eren?

She's taking him.

From me.

No Eren?

I boil and burn.

I attack.


	35. Warped

~Levi~

It was only a glimpse but I was certain I saw her. The clingy little girl always following Eren around. Wherever she was , naturally he would be there too which meant they hadn't listened to my fucking orders. I shot off already knowing from both the noise and the destruction that the Female had moved that way, towards Eren.

That fucking bitch.

I landed on a branch and watched the idiocy that was Mikasa attacking the strongest titan the survey Corps has come across since the Berserker. I flew to her side, grabbing her round the waist and tugging her away. She struggled, kicking and clawing at me, growling out sounds that barely sounded human. She was practically rabid, foaming at the mouth.

"Get yourself together!"

She'd never been like this before. The greatest amount of emotion I'd ever seen her express was the mild annoyance that rose whenever she was around her fellow cadets. She reached out, her arm waving frantically in the direction of the abnormal.

"EREN!"

My stomach sank.

Glancing over my shoulder I could just barely see the brown smudge pinched between the titans' fingers. All my breath escaped me at once and my body fell slack long enough to nearly collide with the trunk of a tree. Mikasa broke free, swinging away quickly and charging, eyes wild with fury and vengeance. I was tempted to join her but diving in blinded by emotion was the first thing basic training tells you not to do. I took a breath.

In.

Out.

Go.

I caught up to her quickly, yelling out instructions. She howled when I told her not to kill it. I snapped back that the titans' death wasn't the priority at the moment.

What mattered was Eren.

We swung together. A raging storm filled with shrieking winds and twisting tornadoes. Our blades shone like lightning and struck, the beasts' bellows following like thunder. We slashed and tore through ligament and muscle alike until finally the hand fell limp.

Eren fell.

I couldn't reach him, too busy dealing with the struggling bitch who had dared to try and take my Eren away. I watched out of the corner of my eye how his hair, though matted it was, whipped with the wind as he plummeted to the earth.

Mikasa caught him and I could breath again.

She didn't wait for my signal, already hauling him away, determined to keep him safe. I was left to incapacitate, to buy them time. Looking at the giant beneath my feet who had slaughtered too many and was willing to kill more, I didn't think it'd be too hard.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

~Armin~

"Do you know?"

She stood pressed against the door, listening. The expedition was over, the few carts that had managed to survive had just moments ago rode into HQ, weighed down by the heavy burden of all the bodies they bore. Even though the carts were filled, barely making room for the injured, the death count was even greater than it appeared. The skin around my eyes creased as I squeezed them shut, wishing that I could forget the bright splatters against the dark colours of the forest floor. I forced my eyes open.

"Know what?"

I brushed very real dirt off my pants, picking at a spot that seemed just a shade too red to be anything but-

"About Eren."

Ah.

She scratched at the wood by the lock as if she would tear it from the very door with only her nails. If I were being honest, she probably would.

I couldn't look at her face, so desperate was she to get to Eren that I imagined she'd resemble a child possessed. Terrifying.

"You did."

I nodded.

"How?"

She wasn't scared. She wasn't even mad or hurt. She just wanted to know Eren, to help him. She couldn't help him if she didn't even know how he worked.

"I don't even know myself."

She snorted because how could I, Armin, not know something. It irked me as well. The lack of knowledge in the area which was Eren caused my brain to boil but I'd accepted long ago that some things just aren't ready to be understood.

"He just...is."

It was the most unscientific thing I had ever said but I honestly didn't know what else to say.

"Why won't he wake up?"

She shouldered the door but it stayed put.

"Aren't they supposed to be good healers?"

"He is."

She shot me a look that said clearly why then was he still unconscious. I shrugged.

"He's probably a little weak and needs the rest. I can't imagine he's had much to eat around here."

Mikasa paused.

"Eat."

I swallowed.

"Yeah...since he's a-"

The door opened causing Mikasa to stumble into a frowning Hanji. Hanji blinked at us, glanced behind their shoulder and smiled.

"You're Eren's friends?"

I nodded, leaning ever so slightly to get a glimpse of inside. I caught a flash of dark hair and a furrowed brow before Hanji shifted into my line of sight.

"I'm sorry but we're putting this room under quarantine. No unauthorized personnel are allowed to enter."

They shut the door firmly behind them. I protested, my voice rising till I was certain most of HQ could hear me. I turned to Mikasa, searching for support from Eren's biggest fan, instead I found myself alone in the corridor. The skin on my arms prickled and the hair stood on end.

Nothing felt right.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

~Levi~

The second Hanji closed the door behind them I fell forwards, my hands reaching out for his and my head landing on his shoulder. I shook, the overwhelming urge to release the grime covered hands fought against the need to touch, to hold. The need to know that he was okay.

My will ran out, my fingers unfurled from his and wrapped themselves in my handkerchief. I leaned and placed the smallest of pecks on his head but quickly retracted.

I hated it, this, me.

I could barely stand to touch him, to comfort him when now was when he needed it most! I clenched my hands, the fabric of the handkerchief wrinkled and shook along with them. Seeing him there, laying as if dead on a bed meant for the injured, I couldn't even hold his hand. The image of Eren gripped between the fingers of that abomination hung before my eyes and I gaged at the thought of what could be.

The chair creaked as I leaned back, resigning myself to waiting and watching. The sight of his matted hair made my eye twitch. I pushed my chair away.

Fuck.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Reports have come in that the Female titan had been fighting with another titan."

Hanji leaned forward while the rest of the table leaned back. I kept my eyes rooted on the grainy surface, thinking back to that time where Eren had been the only thing to matter.

I remembered the smoking pile just to the left of the blond menace.

"It seems that the Berserker has returned."

Hanji was drooling beside me, their eyes crazed behind the fogged glass of their goggles. They looked ecstatic, overwhelmingly enthusiastic. Beside them I felt my breath evacuate my lungs, my intestines curling into tighter knots and my brain falling back into that darkness I thought I'd been freed of.

The meeting passed with talks of hardening skin and higher cognitive functions. That didn't matter. Not to me. What mattered was the cold curling around my insides. What mattered was the heat boiling in my gut. What mattered was the plan blooming in my mind, branching and forming till a tree, twisted and gnarled, came to be. The beauty of nature could not cover the ugliness of my vengeance. The thoughts and ideas hiding in the bark of the tree like a hive of burrowing insects.

More than ever I wished I had the strength to touch and to hold, to seek comfort even if the comfort was covered in sweat and dirt.

"Reported casualties?"

My breath paused. I knew who had been lost, made it a point to keep track of the numbers that left and the poor saps that found their way back. Petra was gone. It unnerved me that the thought caused only a small amount of discomfort. Had she really meant so little to me? Was she simply a favor for a fellow soldier? No, I couldn't believe that she was only that.

But why then didn't I feel anything?

"Ackerman reported that she saw the Berserker die but this thing has died before so stay alert." Erwin closed his speech, accented by Hanji's screech of capturing it alive. The sky had darkened during the meeting. I couldn't bring myself to join Eren and his filth.

More often than naught I detested myself.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

~ Eren ~

I had underestimated her and I hated myself for it. With her still alive she would be able to come back and strike harder than last time.

I stared up at the ceiling, scratching absently at the rough sheets covering me. I had grown complacent in my domestic life, too used to easy jokes and simple scraped knees. The reality of the situation had never been so clear after such a defeat. My misjudgment almost lead to my death. My weakness almost lead to the loss of my control.

I'd used everything I could, hardening my skin at opportune moments, calling upon strength I knew I didn't have. But the echoing emptiness at my core slowed me too much to succeed.

I sniffed the air, momentarily reveling in the fresh perfume of delicious flesh pumped till juicy with blood. A revelation later showed me buried under my sheets in an attempt to stopper the scent but my nostrils continued to flare, refusing to surrender to my want of being normal, instead falling prey to my need to eat.

"Eren?"

I hadn't heard the door open. The small voice just a touch louder than the quiet steps almost like a ghost's. I curled tighter around the offending part of my anatomy that demanded my child's bones.

"Are you awake?"

I didn't speak. Silence followed, heavy and expectant but I couldn't open my mouth to answer for fear of what I'd trick her into doing.

"Look, please."

Her sentence confused me yet was so simple in structure. What was she showing me? I couldn't look.

I heard her, her boots coming closer, her breath just a hair quicker than her usual. I suddenly found myself deprived of the sheet, fresh air and uncorked scents rushed me all at once leaving me groaning and whitening my knuckles in the folds of my torn shirt in a vain attempt to restrain myself. The air smelled like sunshine and blood, paradise to a being such as I, scrumptious.

I loved it.

Something warm and wet nuzzled my exposed brow. My head shot up at the familiar stench of death.

"Please," she said, arm extended holding a bundle of leaking rags. A fold came undone and there, as clear as the horror on my face, was the bent and bruised finger of a man. "Eat."

I stared.

There was no trace of blood on her clothes, no worry on her face. She practically smiled as she moved the bundle closer.

"What have you done..."

It wasn't really a question for I knew already what she had done but how, how could my beautiful, innocent child do such a thing?

"I wanted to use a bad man. Knew you wouldn't like it if I used a good person."

I swallowed away my drool, forcing my eyes to move from the bundle.

"He tried to touch me."

She huffed out a harsh breath.

"He was a bad man. Eat."

The bundle was pushed to hover just under my nose, my jaw worked with the need to sink my teeth in the flesh.

"I d-don't eat people, Mikasa."

"I saw."

Two words froze my restless jaw better than my will ever could.

"You-"

"It's okay. Eat."

She seemed to grow impatient with me, unwrapping the limb more for easier access.

"This is wrong!" I almost shouted, controlling myself at the last second. It wouldn't do to have soldiers swarming the room when Mikasa held a severed limb in her hand.

She shook her head.

"It's not wrong if it helps Eren."

I attempted to stutter out a counter argument but was silenced by the complete confusion coating her words. "How could it be wrong if it helps Eren?"

I stared, mouth open in astonishment as I saw for the first time how warped her mind had become. She took advantage of my vulnerability and shoved a few fingers inside.

I'd underestimated another.

It was instinct that snapped my jaw closed to crunch the bones and suckle on the blood. The empty echo became a raging roar and suddenly the arm was in my hands, meat and flesh torn to shreds in my mouth. I gnawed on the bones and slurped at the blood that ran from my fingers down the warm skin of my arm.

I had yet to be filled.

I turned to Mikasa, sniffing at her scent before I realized who she was to me. I buried my desire and gripped my hands together. Flakes of blood rolled and crinckled between my fingers as they twiddle and twirled in an attempt to distract myself. I lowered my gaze in shame, watching my fingers dance.

She'd seen me.

She knew.

She wasn't scared.

"Do you have any more of him?"

I asked shyly.

She smiled as she raised a bag I hadn't noticed. It looked heavy.

"I cut him up for your convenience."


End file.
